Are girls like us extinct?

40 comments

1. I mean that’s fantastic that you’ve set up a great life for yourself. You absolutely should be proud of that. But yeah, when it comes to dating men value different things in women (youth, attractiveness, fidelity, etc.). I actually blame society for the messaging it continually promotes. If you’re truly funny and intelligent, that will make you more appealing.

   It just depends what your expectations are. I’ve met so many “educated” women who think their degrees give them extra pull to get a better guy… But he’ll just date someone younger or more attractive. They waste so much time confused on this. It’s a mismatch of expectations is all. If you’re not that woman, you’ll be fine. Plenty of men for you.

2. [deleted]

3. All the women that I know that would be similar to you are all partnered so idk

4. Are you at any time proposing for a date?

5. ‘Omg I’m so smart, successful, pretty, am I the only one?’

   Yep, you’re the only smart, successful, pretty woman who is monogamous and wants to take things slow on Earth. Congratulations.

6. Honestly, you sound like what half the men I know prefer. Dating apps like tinder are useless here anyway, we live too rural to have any benefit from using it.

   Not to mention that I barely know anybody who prefers sex over relationships.

7. Dating apps are a shitshow. You’re better off meeting guys through social hobbies.

8. Literally just go to a bar or any kind of community and get to know people. You aren’t going to find a good man instantaneously but you sound like a dime so if you look hard enough & be patient you will definitely find someone. Men like attractive women but you don’t have to be provocative, and if you’re a well educated and down to earth many sensible/well put together men are into that. I don’t see why online dating is an issue it’s just dating, just don’t entertain men who are looking for sex obviously.

9. “ have a masters degree, a good career” it will never cease to amaze me how women cannot fathom how men don’t care about these things.

10. Speak with your mother, sister, girlfriends or female colleagues about what men find attractive, because your masters degree and career aren’t going to get the man of your dreams excited

11. Hmm.. all the people I know (myself included) in LTR met IRL and not through apps. All the females are masters or PhD, probably in somewhat more established/better paying positions in terms of career than their male partner, and (imo) attractive… so it does happen.

    I met my partner at work. I introduced my close friend to my good friend/colleague (who was interested in me) and they’ve also been dating 4years.. I know another couple who had a mutual friend and coupled up (about 2yrs now?), another 2 where the females went up to the guys on new years and started a relationship from there…

    I know 2 of those guys (who are now in relationships) had no lasting relationship from app matches. Another guy (attractive, good job, masters and all) also has zero success on apps either. IMO, apps don’t really attract the best people… and unncessarily complicates certain matters when it comes to relationships (i.e. having to DTR, situationships, asking each other to stop using apps… etcetc.).

    I honestly think you’d have better luck not trying to find anybody and letting the universe sort it out for you. That’s how it seemed to work for me and just about all the long term couples I know…

    And if you really don’t want to be so passive, then let your friends, colleagues, aunts, uncles and whoever know you’re looking for a partner. Go to house parties that give you chances to meet friends of friends. I mean, the chances are if are friends with someone, their other friends and you will have some sort of compatibility too. Be open to people introducing potentials to you…

12. It felt nice to be the pillow you needed 🙂

    I’m 24M and maybe quite an oddity when it comes to this. But I would be glad to find what you’re describing in a woman I meet. Dating apps are probably not used for taking things slowly. I have spent some time there before quiting for the sake of my mental stability

13. Men don’t care about a degree or career. That’s only what [edit: many] women care about in men.

14. OP, I will say something that may not be true but I have seen it happen again and again with my own eyes. Please don’t take this the wrong way, I am not attacking you.
    You sound like the type of person that men would want to date and have a serious relationship with. Could it be the case that you dismiss those people as potential partners?
    You don’t mention on your post what type of man YOU are looking for.
    I am not shaming you for not liking the men that might find you attractive but you may want to look into yourself and just accept that you are targeting the wrong demographic. The qualities you put forward about yourself will attract certain types of men. Not everyone likes an educated goofball and in all honesty, some men are intimidated by educated women (while others like myself actually value that).

15. Hi OP. I’m around your age and with a similar profile.

    I don’t really share your experience, so I wonder if there’s something with your profile or the men you interact with that is causing this. What I would say is:

    1. OLD isn’t the only way to meet potential partners. If it isn’t working for you, consider an RL matchmaker, who screens your potential matches first. RL speed-dating and dating events are also options.
    2. There are a lot of men out there who fit your criteria in OLD — way more than women, so if you’re having trouble connecting you may want to look inward and consider why that is.
    3. What kind of men are you matching with? Most men I’ve met have been open and honest in their approach, and I do my best to do the same. But I also insist on a longer online phase, and I’m upfront about no sex on the first handful of dates. Those looking for a hook-up typically tell me as much, and we part on good terms.
    4. Are you being extremely picky when it comes to externals? Be sure you identify what is truly important to you, and ignore the rest.

    Best of luck out there!

16. Nope, quite normal. But you’re totally, 100% wrong that online dating is your only option. Go outside. Make friends. Meet new people. Socialize.

17. Can not believe you are 30 years old and think that you are special. Seems like you are a real not like other girl. While online dating has sadly grown alot. Real life dating still exists.
    Instead of trying to make excuses about why society seems to not like your ‘kind’. Try to maybe focus more on yourself and see if you are doing something wrong.

18. What do people mean say they’re adventurous?

19. 27m here! I think it’s pretty cool you have a masters and a career! It’s by no means a necessary thing or a deal breaker if you don’t have one, but for me it shows that you can be dedicated/committed at the least, which is nice. Anyways, I would try to go to big events where people interested in similar hobbies to you gather!

20. I’m actually seriously over it. I’m a bee’s dick away from deleting my profiles and handing everything over to fate. The effort people put in these days is abysmal, and the app-ocalypse is just feeding the dopamine FOMO and paradox of choice. I’m certain sociologists will eventually reflect on this drastic change in socialisation and the process of partnering thanks to OLD apps with dismay and concern once there’s enough empirical evidence of the broader societal impact.

    I try… I really, really try to do the things people recommend. I have a full profile, enough to paint a clear picture of who I am, interests, what I’m looking for. I use accurate, recent pictures (I’m not the type to do bikini pics and I don’t share socials, I’m not a honeytrap or influencer). I try to have reasonable standards, not being ultra selective, but also not compromising or casting an overly broad net with potential matches. I’m not just going for the 10s (I don’t tend to find them attractive anyway) but I do want to see that you have a brain and some kind of life. I keep the age range broad. I make an effort to continue and contribute to meaningful or natural conversations with matches, at least until its clear there’s no compatibility and the conversation dries up. I am also trying to respect my own boundaries around what I want and what I don’t want, and have more recently been gently communicating this early on (not a checklist, but also not going to play around any ONS).

    What am I seeing? Low effort. Again and again and again. It’s hard enough to match with someone (it feels like most guys just put you in a “would fuck” category based solely on looks without even reading your profile) let alone to find someone where you click and the conversation has some substance to it. Even fewer translate into in person dates (I don’t expect to chat online for days-weeks before meeting) because there is such little reciprocated effort. And the misrepresentation of dating goals is such an absolute mindfuck. If you just want to get laid, stop wasting my time and pretending you’re interested in more, be honest. Then there’s the ghosting… good convo, good date, planning next one…. AAAND nothing. Clearly you got distracted by the next opportunity and just stopped trying even though nothing was explicitly wrong in terms of chemistry, compatibility, conversation, etc. I really wish the dating apps were reserved for legitimate dating, and the FWB, ONS apps were completely separate.

    It’s that bad, I’m either going to give up completely or I’m going to start my own fucking app to try to counter this shit for those of us who are legitimately trying to find their person. I feel your pain… End rant.

21. Tbh Online Dating has fucked up the dating culture totally. No one is ready to invest time and energy into a person. Too many options, talking to multiple people simultaneously, the hope of getting someone better than the one you are talking to, it’s just chaotic.

    About your degrees and career, here’s the tricky part — I believe that women who have a successful career would want someone who is ambitious and successful or successful in the making. On the other hand, guys who are in similar position wouldn’t care about degrees or careers while looking for a partner.

    It would be better if you find someone who is a little older and mature via mutual friends/acquaintances/relatives. A lot of people are giving up on these dating apps.

22. It’s not difficult to have men interested in you. The difficult part is for you to actually be interested in those who are interested in you.

23. Honestly would love to find a woman who wants a relationship. They’re so hard to find these days.

    Side note, leading with your degree and career is not the best assets you bring. Men care more about what makes you you than what degrees or money you have.

    I read one of your replies that you wished men valued intelligence more. We do, most men that want a relationship have it near the top of their preferences. But a degree doesn’t equate to intelligence. It’s just education level.

    That being said, I would love to find an adventurous goofball with intelligence and a passion for life. Someone that values building an emotional relationship before a physical one. There are men out there that are looking for women just like you. Keep looking, you’ll find your man someday!

24. What are your hobbies/interests? I’ve been on dates where she has a good career but talking about anything is hard because she doesn’t have hobbies /interests (not even watching netflix/TV)

25. Everything has become increasingly artificial these days, including people.

26. Dating apps increased the amount of dating activity possible, but it didn’t increase the success rate in dating. AND it normalised the idea that dating activity should be all the time. It wasn’t and it shouldn’t be. You sound like an absolute catch, would be happy to find myself on dates with you. Hold out for what you want you’ll be fine.

27. Hmm I wonder if there’s anything more that might be happening if you’re noticing patterns in the guys but don’t recognize them in yourself? It’s really hard to flip the script and look in the mirror but it’s always worth exploring – you may even be pleasantly surprised and happier reflecting & solidifying your view of yourself!

28. I mean there are guys who think that your career is a huge selling point. When I was younger we called those guys “scrubs,” I think the word for them now is “leeches” or “bums.”

    Speaking as a guy who is in your cohort (similar education, steady career, 30’s), this post makes it sound like you have really bad self-esteem, to the point where I’d probably avoid you. You mention two virtues you have – adventurousness and humor – but the way your post is written suggests that you crave validation for your professional achievements from your non-professional contacts. And…that actually kind of makes me feel like maybe you’re not actually that secure in your career and achievements? I wouldn’t describe my career as great, just OK, but it’s still good enough that assurances from people who aren’t my coworkers aren’t needed. If I’m hanging out with somebody who I don’t work with and they want me to praise their professional accomplishments, I’d feel like they were kind of an emotional vampire.

    Reinforcing this impression, you don’t say what you’d want from a guy. Other than “not being particularly sexually aggressive,” you don’t mention what you value from others. Which is pretty striking given that you really care about what others value about you! No indication of if you want an MMA beefcake or a poet with consumption or a himbo or a Saudi prince or a stoner or a femboy or a silver dollar or an urban lumberjack. And even that’s pretty shallow stuff – courage, generosity, patience, expressiveness, compassion, wisdom, sincerity, how much do those matter to you in a partner? No idea.

29. You aren’t as good as you think you are. You prolly have lots of men interested in you but you aren’t interested in them. Stop going for men with college degrees and give the blue collar mechanic a chance

30. It’s just the reality that as women climb the ladder their dating pool shrinks, meanwhile it’s opposite for men.

    Some of this has to do with women not really being interested in men with lower success in life than themselves, and I’m certainly not advocating you lower your standards, but there are definitely men out there looking for intelligent driven women, they’re just harder to find.

    This may be a wild suggestion to some, but consider dating online but internationally. You have to sift through a lot of weeds, but it’s pretty easy to set some clear boundaries, and it largely removes the sexual motivator. A couple examples of clear boundaries are just things like they should have their passport and have traveled out of their home country more than once. Should never ever need any sort of financial assistance, and an understanding that to even ask for any is an immediate dealbreaker etc.

    Beyond that even just dating longer distance in your home country with similar boundaries can be useful, and can help to expand your dating pool.

    It’s a common suggestion that if online dating doesn’t feel good for you, then immerse yourself in your interests in your free time, with a preference for events and other public gatherings involving those interests. You must allow yourself to be vulnerable, allowing people to see your true self if you want to make a real connection. Any connection made where you’re reserving parts of yourself will be shallow in nature.

    And just remember that the key to a lasting relationship is common values, not common interests. So interests can be a great way to meet people, but what you’re looking for in a long term partner is shared perspective points in the distance that you’re moving towards together, and in the same way.

31. The “I’m better than other girls” attitude is not attractive

32. “Needing apps” to meet is a false belief. Also “everyone already being partnered up” is a false belief.

33. Hey girl why don’t you get the meetups app and meet some people while doing fun things? There are lots of young-singles focused groups but there just like big group outings, no pressure to be date-ey and all kinds of interest-related groups! Find a hobby on there you like or some outings you’d enjoy and participate. I imagine you will meet lots of friends if not potential romantic interests. Online dating can be TERRIBLE and you are more than allowed to shut that down for a while.

34. 1) Are you a pain in the ass?

    2) When you hang out with him and his buddies, do you know how to blend in instead of being the center of attention?

    3) Do you know how to compliment his life?

    4) I find it hard to believe that you’re having trouble scoring dates with guys you come across in the real world. Most guys would rather not use dating apps if they were able to get dates with women the old-fashioned way without being accused of being creepy or overstepping boundaries.

    5) How much text messaging do you do before agreeing to go on a date?

    6) Think about the whole concept of text messaging. Is being a good texter really a make or break attribute? If so, why? Plus, what makes someone a “good texter” versus not a “good texter”?

    7) Do you act like you’re hot stuff because of what you’ve accomplished and the things you like to do? Just be mindful that there is no such thing as a guy being intimidated by your success. People who tell you this are morons. Guys to get turned off if you’re arrogant because of your success though. Who likes people who are arrogant though?

35. Are you willing to date men who are less educated or earn less money than you?

36. There’s probably something you’re missing that other people are seeing

37. there’s no way you’re a whole 30 years old and still this much of a pick me lmfaoooo

38. Men dont care about money and degrees

39. Typically, if a guy you met online loses interest quickly or ghosts on you while *you* are still interested – it’s because they felt they are above your league. A lot of men are struggling to get matches online and would be excited to date, but they are ignored by the vast majority of women. So you’re getting guys who see you as a potentially easy/quick casual thing, and when that doesn’t happen, they bounce.

    You may want to use something like photofeeler to get a good sense of how you rank in the online dating world, and adjust your match criteria accordinglyl

40. It’s giving “pick me” vibes