That’s exactly what i am and i feel like it just doesn’t compute with dating nowadays. Im not ugly, i can have a discussion with people and i had a few people in the past saying that they enjoyed my company.Im more of the quiet type, i study english litterature, i read books and im often gaming ar home, going out only to take walks, run errands, or join someone or an event. I have a problem with engaging in conversations and talking with strangers, and the few times i went all the way through with a confession i just got rejected. Online dating doesn’t work either for me.
I feel like im a fine valuable human being with qualities and good partner potential, i care a lot about my close friends or just close people circle but im just afraid that women would prefer a big athletic or party guy rather than the quiet nerd i am. Which sucks because i don’t want to fundamentelly change my whole persona to just fit in it’s dishonest.
21 comments
Some are.
Well opposites attract, maybe you will find someone completely different than you who will make the first move.
Not as much as confident alpha guys
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I’m EXCLUSIVELY into nerdy guys!
I’m introverted (probably closer to an ambivert) and shy nerd. I primarily rely on dating apps. I’m a much better conversationalist in a one on one setting than I am in large groups. I just recently met and have been dating an extroverted lady for the past couple months. Mutual respect goes a long way here when it comes to our lifestyle and how we like to spend our free time. All her previous long term relationships were with introverts, so there are definitely people out there that gravitate to it. I know I gravitate towards extroverts so I can get out of the house more. I think a lot of introverted guys have dating strengths that they don’t realize (check out Courtney Ryan’s introverted videos on YouTube).
Yes, on LinkedIn. I get tons of messages from attractive women on LinkedIn. Wish it would be the same on OLD or RL.
As long as your confident in your hobbies and what your provide you’re more than fine. People struggle with being themselves when dating which is the crux of their romantic life- be yourself.
Yes we are
Hear me out and try not to get defensive: I think something else might be the problem. My experiences don’t match yours at all. I was perceived as a shy nerdy awkward guy in high school. I was skinny and unathletic and the whole school thought I was gay. I still had sex and romance with women I was attracted to. Now I have tits and wear makeup and cry all the time, and I still get laid. It’s clearly not the case that women are all just selecting hypermasculine men.
You’re clearly doing your best to try to minimize how bitter you come off in this post, but it’s still very obvious. Bitterness, a sense that you “deserve” or are “owed” a woman (not just any woman, a skinny young hot one obv), and the obvious reek of desperation all scare women away like the plague. And it’s not because there’s a big conspiracy to hurt you. That’s self-centered thinking. It’s because most women’s lived experience teaches them that guys like you are dangerous. You scare us, and, rightly or wrongly, we react to that fear. Work on being satisfied with yourself. Get to the point where you’re content with the life you’ve built, then start offering, in appropriate settings, to share that life with people. Also, good luck if you won’t use online dating, that’s just how people meet these days.
Yes. They are interested. However it doesn’t give you an advantage. They won’t give you credit for playing PC games or invite you out just because you are nerds. What they appreciate is the normal gestures that anyone, including nerds can do: open doors, open cans, give them your jacket when it’s cold, little surprise gifts, ask if they are ok, walk them home when it’s dark, get ice cream together, watch their favorite movies. You can do all those things in an awkward, quiet, nerdy or spicy style as much as you like. That works too.
You shouldn’t be feeling like you need to change yourself to fit in. Think about how many people there are in the world, and you think you won’t find someone that you connect with?
Get rid of any negative beliefs that make you feel like women won’t be attracted to you just because you’re not athletic or enjoy partying, that’s self sabotage right there.
As an introvert who is also shy and doesn’t leave home aside from going to the same things you listed I just want someone who will love me for me ya know. I mean I’m a 29f who is introverted and has anxiety,adhd, and depression as well as never having been in a romantic relationship. So yes personally I would go for a guy like you.
Yes actually. Dating guys like yall is better because yall are usually the ones who won’t cheat on us
I’m very similar to you and share all of these traits (shy+introvert+nerdy guy). I would say in my experience both personal and observed that there’s nothing wrong with being introverted or having nerdy interests. Plenty of people like those traits.
Shyness is a major disadvantage though, and absolutely something worth working on overcoming. I’ve been going through this journey myself this year. Being shy isn’t inherently a problem but absolutely costs people like us opportunities- not only in dating but in general. It’s a slow, hard, uncomfortable process, but going out and pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone little by little and learning how to engage people more confidently, over think interactions less, and the like is definitely possible to practice and learn. I’ve been at it for 7 months and still suffer from all of these things, but much less than I did at the start of the year. Progress!
A side note on introversion is to not be afraid to expend your social battery, such that you put yourself out there and actually meet new people with some sort of regularity. Too many introverts (myself included) become overly comfortable with just leaving ourselves “on the charger ” for long periods of time, spending a lot of time at home alone and only going out/socializing with our preexisting friends. The pandemic made this even worse in some ways since lock down had everyone like that for like 2 years.
I absolutely need time to recharge between outings, but I’ve found that I can get myself out of the house a couple times a week to social events without getting too drained, with some practice and social stamina training, and it’s done wonders for both my shyness and meeting new people, little by little.
I admittedly haven’t dated anyone this year, but I had a lot of these other issues to work on first lol. Now that I’ve become more involved with a local community I hope to maybe meet a potential romantic interest someday~
There are plenty of girls that are more quiet and introverted, so it’s not like that would be considered a red flag to every girl. There are plenty of girls that prefer a cozy night in to going out and about the town.
That being said, more outgoing guy/gals have more luck because they put themselves out there more. It’s hard to find a gf if you’re in the house all day without the opportunity to meet anyone. Dating is hard for a lot of people and takes time, but I wouldn’t say that being more introvert-leaning makes you undatable. Just make sure to keep getting out of your house:)
Not usually.
I just happened to see this post in passing, and I don’t know if I have that much “wisdom” to impart here? But I’d just say the following:
1. I was a total “geek” when I was younger. (I wouldn’t say “nerd”, I guess, because for whatever reason — I always equated that term with the people who expressed the physical traits like the broken glasses with the frames taped back together or the pocket protector in a dress shirt, or maybe just a weird, squeaky type voice and annoying laugh?) I was hard-core into computers and writing my own code for them, loved video gaming, and hobbies like model rocketry. I definitely didn’t pay attention to what clothing was “in style”, and just wore whatever worked for me. I had a hard time with the dating scene up until college when I got interested in learning to play electric guitar and joined a band with a few friends. Funny how that changed the way people judged me.
2. But yes, back then, women definitely preferred the “big guys” to skinnier, non-athletic types like myself. I mean, obviously there were exceptions. But as a rule, I had many women come out and tell me that, as they opted to date my friends who had more of that body type. I think it’s still the case when I see how many women are totally gaga over Chris Hemsworth or “The Rock”, etc.
3. FWIW, dating just got FAR better for me as I got a little older. I did the online dating thing and met several women who I had long relationships with. I met others via my circle of friends, and that seemed to work out ok too. I was always introverted though, so I could never just go up with random women at a bar or club and start up conversations with them. If I ever tried, I just made a fool of myself and it was instant rejection.
Don’t ever try to change who you are though. Being fake never works out well in the end. I had friends who were like that; trying their best to be whatever they thought the people around them WANTED them to be. It ended with them feeling depressed and miserable, and people disliking them for not seeming genuine.
Only if they are tall and hot
For me I like shy/introverted nerdy guys but I also like them in a big athletic body so I conjoin the two
I just got dumped because i am an introvert….we tried working it out but in the end….So i would say they may be interested at the start but soon they lose interest