I (24F) always do anything I can to help my parents (52F &54M) even though I live several hours away.
Every time I come to visit, I help take care of their animals, help clean the house, do laundry, cook, run errands, etc.
Meanwhile, my older brother (26M) is still living at home without a job and doesn’t help them out in the least. All he does is complain and ask them for more money.
Yet when I come home and take a break for myself, not doing anything for the day, they get angry at me- especially my dad.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m a woman and they have some kind of old-fashioned view of things, but I’m so tired of being second fiddle to my brother. I love my parents and am grateful for everything they’ve done for me growing up, but I’m tired of being treated unfairly. How do I get them to see things from my POV, or how can I improve the situation?
TLDR; My older brother is treated like a king at my parents’ despite not having a job and taking their money. I hold my own and help when I can, but when I don’t they get angry & yell at me. Anything I can do to fix this?
1 comment
Can’t fix what you didn’t break. “I’ve done XYZ, now I’m taking a break and you’re mad at me. Meanwhile my brother has done nothing and you give him a pass. Why is that?” Wait for an answer. Let it be awkward.
To go further: “I choose to visit and help out but my brother does nothing. You get mad at me but not him. Why should I keep visiting when I get yelled at? What’s in it for me? What am I getting out of this visit except being treated like a maid and worse, treated like a lesser child?”
Look up golden child / scapegoat. Your parents need to be the ones to fix this, not you. All you can do is stop tolerating this inequality and mistreatment. Why keep visiting when it just makes you angry / sad? Out of guilt? Why bother?