EDIT: just because we are having sex doesn’t mean he needs to know my every thought. Good communication also means knowing what not to communicate. This is why y’all keep saying your fwbs ended poorly. He’s aware I liked it so I’m not sure what else you’re suggesting I communicate here. If he likes me/is in love it’s not my responsibility to bring it up and draw it out of him; he’s 32 and grown and can share his feelings when ready like an adult. If it’s too much for me, I will communicate that. But frankly, whether he’s got budding feelings, is trying to fill the hole from his ex, or something else is NONE of my business as a hookup, unless he wants it to be.
Basically the title. I don’t know how else to describe it but we’ve been building tension for a while but don’t text outside of plans to meet up. Clearly not a serious thing. But then we have sex for the first time finally and he’s like stroking my hair and staring into my eyes and doing really slow missionary and deep kissing me.
I have never, even when in love, had a guy do this. Is this a hookup thing? I don’t care enough to ask him but I guess it just surprised me how intimate it was given that he doesn’t try to connect emotionally. Is this normal or am I just overreacting? If that’s how it’s going to be I’m going to have to stop seeing him because I’m going to end up in love lmao
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I don’t think that’s normal for a hookup. My love language is touch and I wouldn’t do those “extra things” unless I really was in love with the person.
Maybe thwt is how he learned to have sex. For him maybe it is what he needs to get off.
To me this is true intimacy. Without that sex is missing a lot.
You’re never overreacting to how someone acts in the bedroom. Some people LOVE intimacy during sex even if it’s not someone they’re otherwise emotionally intimate with. Also for what it’s worth as someone in this boat, even if it’s intense for a platonic hookup, there’s a marked difference in the experience with someone i DO love even if mechanically I’m doing the same thing.
That said, if it’s not something you’re comfortable with, communicate. Maybe he’s in love with you, maybe it’s something they just like and it’s a core compatibility issue.
I heard male comedian say that men give love to get sex, and women give sex to get love.
Idk if that’s any sort of universal truth, and IMHO it’s very sexist, but it’s very possible that he really does like you! AND it’s also possible that he knows doing that just simply makes for better sex.
You should do your best to trust him (unless he gives you a reason not to) and ask him where his head is at, and let him know you feel about the situation.
It’s normal to me. He’s just a very good lover.
Honestly, as a male who only had a lot of sex younger and got married quickly, that just may be how he gets off. Even with girls I wasn’t that into. Just having some crazy hard intimate missionary where I can see her naked, boobs bouncing, and making faces while kissing and getting wild would really get me off. So who knows? Honestly hard to answer without getting into his mindset.
Honestly it could very well be that that’s the kind of sex he loves and wants. This may be just how he has sex.
Also he could be cheating on someone and doing with you what he doesn’t get from her… Sorry I’m so jaded now that this is how I think.
Bottom line, itay not mean anything at all. I have someone who comes over every 2ish weeks and we do that. We don’t talk or hang out. Just that. We both just like it and aren’t getting it right now so I guess we create it together. It doesn’t mean any in my case… I also have a dude I see every few months or so and we are sometimes like that too.
First of all I’m sorry you’ve never had that before?
Making eye contact is hot/fun. I wouldn’t read into it. It gets easier as you get older.
Every person is different and every sexual relation is different. I’m heavily into bdsm, this is high in the scale of affection, doesn’t necessarily mean love as a lot of “play partners” in bdsm literally only play and don’t even have sex. so much if every little thing in life would be easier if more people would just speak their mind. Ask these questions to him?! Be incredibly transparent and blunt, life is precious, yolo.
he just wanted to give you the best sex
Only he is able to answer that for you.
I (32m) am exactly like that in bed, it’s just my “style” and what I enjoy doing. I don’t really need an emotional background but it happens naturally depending on how well we vibe and if she is receptive to that sort of intimacy.
I’m wondering, is this really a thing that happens?
>I’m going to have to stop seeing him because I’m going to end up in love lmao
You can have intimate sex without being in love. There are more areas than love and just hook-ups. Especially if im seeing someone on a regular basis, connection matters and its sexy. Of course sex can lead to deeper connections, creating bonds and catching feelings. In my 30s i value intimate sex more than ever and i do this even with one night stands and most women enjoy it. Porn performance sex lacks soul and honestly, also pleassure.
I was a late bloomer and i learned that actually from older women when i was in my early 20s.
Above all, sex is pleassure and intimate sex is in my eyes the highest form of sexual pleassure.
Unfortunately the bedroom is one of the worst places to find out how a man really feels about you. Anything he does in that moment could be true or part of the great lie men have been telling for thousands of years.
If he is into you he will come around and want you every day. He will want to connect emotionally. You won’t have to ask. If he doesn’t do that, he probably just liked how pretty you look when he stroked your hair.
Honestly knowing I’ve never had this made me a little sad. But hey glad you got to experience it, i guess just be mindful of where both of you are in the “relationship” and you should be good
Not to sound pessimistic here but if you even have the inkling that you could end up catching feelings for him and know he’s not in the position to emotionally connect outside of sex or give you more than that…I’d stop hooking up with him. The sex sounds great, but the more you have great sex with him the more likely you are to trick your mind into thinking it could be something more.
I had to stop seeing a woman i was having sex with as part of a 3some because of this exact reason.
Im male 34, im not a pound it hard type of guy. I have a hard time differentiating sex from love.
I love missionary, its the most intimate of positions. I love to kiss and tongue each other, i like to see the look in her eyes and the smile on her face.
And when she used to go on top, and i would pull her hair so she sitting up on me and i could see her face.
I was catching feelings because i cant just have sex, i like to make love. And it had to end.
Ugh I had this happen, the guy was kissing me so intimately and he would kiss my body like so slow and passionately, and was only focusing on me and would move my hand away from his dick, then when he fucked it was that slow missionary with eye contact. And i was like wow, I wanted to meet up again but he said he had a low sex drive so he only has random hookups every once and awhile, but he would be down to hangout w/o sex. But yeah if I ever were to fuck him again I woulda caught feelings, fuck when I think about I always almost catch feelings haha.
Do what’s best for you, im assuming next time would be similar bc it’s probably just the way he fucks aha. Be careful not to get hurt!
While I’m not one to go for hookups, this is a very valid style of lovemaking.
It’s especially intimate & if there’s a deep emotional connection with the feelings of safety you’re bound to have a good time.
Not everyone enjoys this and that’s normal, reading your post & comments I get the feeling he just likes this more intimate way to hook up. If feelings do come from both sides that might even be the start of something more permanent..
Hmmm… this is hard…
Because some men just really like to treat their sexual partners like this.
If you feel yourself falling for someone where you really DID NOT want that to happen… give yourself the space and stop it.
But also:
Ask yourself if OUTSIDE of the sexual dynamic there is equal as much effort.
Does he ask about your days? Moods. Tells you what he thinks about you?
If not… he is just a really attentive partner in bed. But not someone to build something on.
Do keep update to us… sounds pretty interesting.
You need to ask him. Some guys are into this for hookups. Others only do this with women they’re in love with.
for some people sex is the best with deep intimacy.
growing attached to that is perfectly fine and normal, even for hookups.
but if you want to keep the distance, make it a less regular thing.
find other people to hook up with and mix it up.
stay safe and sound.
That’s how they get you! You’re gonna fall in love, do it back, get on top, do the thing, hold his face, look into his eyes, steal his soul, you gotta fight fire with fire.
Obviously everyone’s different, but I know personally I can do both – have intimacy and a connection even if it’s only a short-term thing. Just because you don’t want anything serious doesn’t mean you can’t connect and enjoy your time together. Just have to be clear you’re on the same page, though.
Alright so
Talk to him
Not about him
Not to us
To him
This makes me sad, stop having hookups and find someone you can have a relationship with that will give you this. Continuing hookups will make that less likely.
It sounds like you had a moment of deep connection. It’s very human and special but it doesn’t have to mean you catch feelings. It’s ok to have genuine connection with someone during sex, it doesn’t mean that has to extend beyond that moment. If you didn’t enjoy it then tell him that but don’t feel like you need to read into it, just enjoy it!
It’s interesting for me to read that you love been in love several times and you’ve never had someone be intimate with you during sex.
“I don’t care enough to ask him” is also a bit off for me here. I’m getting the feeling that you aren’t comfortable exchanging intimacy or maybe just aren’t accustomed to it. Have you mostly had sex with guys your age or younger?
Just some thoughts. Some moments are great for just primal sex, fucking , cumming, cleaning off afterwards. Some are more expressive, and still others are very much something special between only you two.
Probably just his prefered way to have sex. Sounds lovely.
I’m in the same damn boat…. And last time I caught feelings and got my heart broken lol 😅
You said this is a recurring hookup so has he never done this during past hookups?
I’ve had hookups tell me similar things (many years ago), some seemed genuinely weirded out. I just fuck nicely, apparently. I had no ulterior motives, just wanted a casual fuck.
He just being a nice guy~
Some men connect emotionally through sex
He’s good at sex and knows how to give and grab attention during the act
This happened to me with an older guy, I think they just know what women like more. I don’t think they’re necessarily trying to “make love”, they’re just in tune. My 35yo was staring in my eyes and shit lol
Sounds like you have been playing with boys and now you have a man. Grown men know how to please a woman but I can see how that could create feelings.
I love eye contact during sex but definitely be careful. It’s gotten me in trouble. Women bond differently than men and it’s easier to get attached if the sex is more intimate. Obviously it comes down to the individual but I’d say this would mean more to women than men.
Sounds more like his style. Different strokes for different folks and all that.