Hey everyone. We went through a rocky patch in our marriage where I found out my husband was messaging (no proof it was ever physical but judging by the messages it was) another woman. I thought he had deleted her number. Turns out he hasn’t because I’ve just discovered it. I confronted him and he said they don’t speak.
Then why would he have it? Sure, I keep numbers of people I don’t speak to but not that of a woman who almost cost us our marriage!
10 comments
It’s easy for me to say whilst not in your position, but the old proverb comes to mind of ‘fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame in me’ nobody keeps the numbers of people open to an affair for no reason.
That should have been the first thing he did after you found out about him being unfaithful. Deleting her number is a no-brainer for someone who’s sincere about wanting to save their marriage.
What did he do after you brought it up? Did he delete it in front of you?
I would check out r/survivinginfidelity or r/asoneafterinfidelity (reconciliation) or http://www.survivinginfidelity.com ( covers, reconciliation, divorce). Trickle truth is common tactic for cheating.
It sounds suspicious and yes, he should have deleted the number immediately. However, it feels more to me that the remorse from the supposed infidelity was never there.
First thing to do after emotional or physical infidelity is to be remorseful and honest with your partner about what transpired. From your post, you are not sure what happened in that relationship and he’s never told you. You both need a good honest conversation about how hurt you are (because you still are), how far it got and hopefully how to be completely transparent moving forward. If this conversation can be held with a couples’ therapist, it would be much better…
I keep numbers in case someone texts me and I don’t know who it is. I have contacts I’ll never call, but I want to be aware if they call me so I know to avoid lol. Hope that makes sense.
Sounds like he thinks he can tell you anything and it will placate you enough for you to not make anymore waves. He sounds manipulative and disrespectful. Those are reasons enough to change or leave the relationship.
Leave. Same thing happened to me and he just kept lying.
From experience, having some forgotten phone number is not a deal-breaker. If they ever call themselves again, you’ll see the name rather than the number. Even if he loses her number, he still can have access to her emails or social media, I would guess.
In my opinion, you have to believe in yourself—no panic over very tiny things.
He kept it because he wanted to. The
affair has never ended. He only hid it better.
The only way to repair a marriage after infidelity is complete transparency from the cheating partner. They need to sever all contact with the affair partner including deleting and blocking them on everything. They need to work to get your trust back and fix what they’ve broken. Your husband doesn’t sound like he’s doing that. There isn’t hope for your marriage as it is. Cheaters who exhibit guilt rather than remorse are very likely to cheat again in the future or never stop cheating in the first place. Sorry, OP.