So I really struggle with small talk or keeping conversations flowing with people I don’t know well. When that awkward silence comes I never know what to say. I need more questions I can ask like “how has your day been” “what did you get up to over the weekend” “do you have any pets” please give me as many examples you can think of 🙂
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The best version of these questions are specific to the person, based off any info they may have given you in the past. For example: If someone mentioned plans they were looking forward to last week, following up with “how was ____?” is good and shows you’re paying attention. Specific compliments are almost always welcome too
What’s keeping you busy these days?
Also look up the FORD method for small talk. Stands for family, occupation, recreation, dreams.
I find, that people who struggle with small talk (like myself), often struggle with it, because it seems pointless.
Sometimes, small talk is a filler, to avoid the silence, but it also have a function.
E.g.: “How do you find the weather lately?” Is a natural compatibility check.
– do you start ranting off about how much you hate the rain? How shitty everything about it is?
– do you say neutral, and “close off” the conversation with “yeah”?
– do you engage with enthusiasm, rant about the benefits/cons about it/what not?
– do you rant about yourself, or do you bounce the topic back to them with a question, so you can open up the conversation about other stuff? (Fx, yeah, I’ve been enjoying the weather – it’s great for fishing! – to which the ball is now at their half, and they can decide what to do next. They can agree, ask about the fishing, give an example of what they do themselves and what not.) And ofc, never bombard them with questions. If they only just respond to the question, they’re most likely not interested.
Of course, if they don’t reply much, engage accordingly or contribute to the conversation, then it’s best to let it go. Conversation is a two-way street, and both have to participate. It’s not solemnly your responsibility to keep the flow going.
Anyway, here’s some examples along with follow-ups:
“What are your hobbies?”
– why’d you start doing it
– how often do you do it
– do you compete, or is it for fun?
“Have you heard about _current event_ in the news?”
If yes, then
– what’s your opinion about this?
– comment about your own opinion, to let them have the chance to ask questions.
If no, then
– you can ask if they’re interested in hearing about it
– find something else to talk about
“Why aren’t bananas straight?”
>“how has your day been”
A “how” question is not a great question because someone who isn’t a great conversationalist either will answer with a single word and now you’re back at silence. Much better would be “what was the best/worst part of today?”
>“do you have any pets”
Also not a great question because it risks a dead end. They say “no” and now you’re back at silence.
>“what did you get up to over the weekend”
This is a great question because it gives concrete topics for follow-up questions, and since it’s about what they do in their free time it’s likely something they enjoy talking about. If they’re pet lovers there’s a good chance they mention those and now you’ve arrived there in a much more organic and robust way than the above.
Any question that ‘forces’ the other party to talk about stuff they’re passionate about it great. Doesn’t really matter what you’re asking about, the key is that you avoid the pitfalls above.
A second useful area is asking for advice because people get a positive feeling out of helping others. Like asking if they have recommendations on where to eat (if they’re from around and you’re not, or otherwise asking about their area if you come there sometimes).