Long story short: my girlfriend has her own apparel business in which she does everything: acquiring the items from resellers or thrift shops, taking photos of it, listing it, mailing it, etc. She has been doing this as a side gig for a handful of years now, and while it affords her some nice extra spending money, it’s nowhere near being able to be her sole income or support her – I would estimate it comprises about 5-10% of her monthly income.
She has expressed that she has wanted it to become a full-time endeavor for about a year now, and that she wants to be able to quit her normal job to do so. However, it has become obvious she lacks the motivation (as well as the time management skills) to make this happen, and she has taken to blaming our relationship for her inability to make it work, rather than these obvious core issues.
She tends to work about 25-30 hours per week at her normal job, which should leave her ample time to work on her business. However, on her days off, she spends almost no time on her business, or if she does, it tends to be on doing the “fun parts” – apparel shopping and trying stuff on, rather than listing items, marketing, building her business, etc. She makes up all sorts of excuses, but it has become obvious she just isn’t prioritizing her business or practicing effective time management in order to get stuff done in a timely manner.
I’m not sure what to do. I feel that she has become resentful of me and our relationship for holding her business and dreams back, despite that it’s pretty clear our relationship isn’t the actual problem. She gets very defensive and upset at any insinuation that her current tactics are ineffective and that she needs a significant boost to her motivation or changes to her time management if she wants to make this dream a reality. I’m very supportive of this goal and I want to do what I can to help her make it happen, but it feels like an uphill battle right now.
**TLDR:** Girlfriend wants to make her apparel side gig a full-time endeavor but doesn’t put in the time or effort to make it happen, instead blaming our relationship for her lack of success. Not sure what to do.
2 comments
If you told her “I’m sorry our relationship is holding you back, I’m setting you free, good luck with your business” she’d find another excuse.
Tell her you’re okay to reduce relationship activities to a minimum for a month. You don’t have to take a break, just pretend as a couple that she’s very busy (which maybe she would be anyway if she was working seriously on the business). Have dinner once a week and spend the evening together after, like on a Sunday, but nothing else of significance, no hours long phone calls or walks or couple time beyond anything very practical.