idk what to do. as you can tell in the tittle, i got some things i need to work on. i (f20) & my bf (20) of 5 years are going through a major rough patch rn. we have a lot of issues and arguments about him not putting as much effort as id like (romantically & planning dates or hangouts etc) he’s also kept a secret from me (something he went behind my back) for a year that ruined my trust with him & my self esteem. (he didn’t cheat at least that’s what he tells me…) we have our issues. i originally broke up with him today after “realizing” my worth. i did put up w a bunch of shit i am now realizing i probably shouldn’t have…. but i love him. what do i love about him? i’m not sure. i cant tell if i’m just in love w the idea of him, or simply bc he was someone who’s “there” for me. (not like “there” by helping me mental health wise, but like as a person i know who’s like “stuck” w me.) anyways…. i’m regretting breaking up w him. i’m terrified of being alone. i get so sick to my stomach imagining him with someone else. loving someone else. finding someone else attractive. having sex with someone else. imagining him giving the effort to someone else that i begged for. i cant do it. i seriously cannot. i cant. i’m realizing now that i would rather much put myself through hell with him if i could just have him as mine. i don’t want to put up with our bullshit, but i cant do it, i cant see him with someone else. this is my first “breakup” & idk how to deal with it. i cant let him go. i don’t want to. idc how sucky our relationship is, i want to be with him. i’m so stuck rn idk what to do.
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I’m really sorry that you’re hurting like this. Relationships are especially hard around Christmas for some reason. I think our old family trauma likes to rear it’s head around the holidays. I can tell you’re having a hard time.
Listen, Sis: It is really useful in life to learn how to be okay with being single for a period of time. You sound like you need a break to work on yourself. New Years is right around the corner. Maybe it’s a good time to step away from the relationship, and work on your issues.
Once you can live happily on your own, it becomes much easier to engage in a healthy relationship, because you don’t have to be afraid of being alone anymore. You become empowered. You can draw boundaries. You have control.
You intense feelings of jealousy towards your ex’s imagined new partners is not healthy. That saying about setting someone free if you love them is true. If he was meant for you, you will eventually get back together. But for now you need to learn to love and take care of yourself.