I (26F) met my partner (32M) online about 6 months ago. We live in different countries that are difficult to travel between due to restrictions, so we have not been able to meet in person yet. Even so, this has to be the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had with someone and I definitely see a future with him.

One thing that isn’t my favorite about him is his hobbies. He is really into anime. I am not, not even a little bit. I try not to be judgmental of what other people like, but for me personally theres something about anime that just rubs me the wrong way. I recognize that’s a personal bias, and this alone isn’t cause for concern. He also really likes vtubers and engages with them a lot on Twitter. Like A LOT. Complimenting them in ways that are very overt and imo kind of creepy, not just for someone in a monogamous relationship, but just in general.

I confronted him about this when I first found his twitter account. I didn’t tell him I thought it was creepy, just that I didn’t like it and it didn’t feel like typical behavior for someone in a monogamous relationship. I don’t mind if he compliments people with things like “you look cute in that outfit” and I don’t even mind a little harmless flirting, but the stuff he was saying was beyond that. He listened to my concerns and was very understanding, especially when I turned it around and asked him how he would feel if I did that with men online. We talked it out, he apologized, and he said he would stop with the out of bounds comments.

Since then, I’ve been checking his twitter feed pretty regularly without his knowledge. And while he did stop mostly, he is back to the more out of bounds stuff lately and with more frequency. He said there’s a weird vtuber culture of flirting and none of it means anything, but idk. It just seems weird to me. Like what is his end game? Why post all these comments? There’s nothing wrong with looking at content, we all do it, but for some reason commenting on it just feels different?

Is he a creep? How do I handle this? I don’t want to admit that I’ve been basically stalking him… And I did tell him I was fine with him complimenting other people (within reason). And I don’t want to give up what we have just because of some stupid stuff he says online. But this is bothering me to a point where I feel like I have to do something, at the very least have a conversation about it, but I’m not sure how to open that conversation again.

TL;DR: Partner in LDR frequently comments on vtuber posts with very overt compliments that make me uncomfortable, even after confronting him about it and him agreeing to stop. Is this a sign that he’s a creeper, or am I just overly sensitive and jealous?

9 comments
  1. You asked him to stop and he didnt. And he also gave an excuse as to why he shouldnt have to stop, being that it was harmless.

    That in itself is a red flag. But yeah id be grossed out dating a dude who gives raunchy comments to strangers on the internet.

  2. Stop questioning yourself and get away from this guy.

    And don’t bother trying to negotiate this with him. Just bounce.

  3. >We live in different countries that are difficult to travel between due to restrictions, so we have not been able to meet in person yet. Even so, this has to be the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had with someone and I definitely see a future with him.

    Repeat after me – There is NO RELATIONSHIP. You have a creepy 32 year old pen pal. You never met, you know nothing real about him, and you see a future with him??? Sorry to be blunt, but you sound like you need counseling. This is not healthy.

    Dude is 32 years old and he’s creepy. His online behavior would fit an immature teenager more. He’s not a well adjusted adult. Girl what are you doing??

  4. >We live in different countries that are difficult to travel between due to restrictions, so we have not been able to meet in person yet. Even so, this has to be the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had with someone and I definitely see a future with him.

    Repeat after me – There is NO RELATIONSHIP. You have a creepy 32 year old pen pal. You never met, you know nothing real about him, and you see a future with him??? Sorry to be blunt, but you sound like you need counseling. This is not healthy.

    Dude is 32 years old and he’s creepy. His online behavior would fit an immature teenager more. He’s not a well adjusted adult. Girl what are you doing??

  5. vtubers are basically just like any other “influencer” or streamer online—some of them encourage the flirting, others find it Incredibly Creepy… most of them lean towards it being creepy. and even if he’s only interacting with the people who welcome it, YOUVE made it clear you aren’t okay with it

    so yes, he is being creepy. and he’s probably creeping out the vtubers, too

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