Men who have been near physical or physical confrontation, how do you mentally stay calm & confident in the situation?
No I do not advocate violence, however recently I was in a situation where a crazy drunk man had cornered me and threatened me with violence on the train. It was a situation where I couldn’t run away or call the police in time. I don’t think I was scared of the man specifically, but growing up in a domestic abusive home it triggered reactions I had as a child seeing my father behave that way. Even tho I am physically fit I realized after this situation I need some mental adjustments so I can better protect my self or my family in these types of unavoidable situations.
33 comments
With all due respect, man. It sounds like a lot of baggage for some random unknown reddit users. Things like this require professional help. This is all based on trauma.
Say to yourself treat the other with respect calm movements don’t look at the forehead don’t turn your back on the other. Say I don’t want to get into a fight. Don’t raise your voice if you get punched good for you, you just got money out of his pocket and the ability to punch that man back. Beware of your surroundings always witnesses around. And if a pocket knife gets out don’t be brave fckn run, treat your life like it’s a horror movie, what would the audience say don’t be THAT guy
I’ve dealt with a few druggies and drunk dudes. I always just re-direct, ignore, or de-escalate.
I’m pretty sure I could get away with beating up some drunk loser but I have no desire.
Knowing you have the capability to defend yourself. This only comes with training.
You gotta get in a martial arts gym. If you want to stay calm during a physical confrontation, you have to put yourself in them in a controlled environment.
I recommend taking up BJJ with a side of Mauy Thai. Luckily, many BJJ gyms offer MT as well
For me though…Idk, I grew up fighting, so it’s whatever to me
You should train in martial arts. Not to use them to be batman but there is a special calm that comes over you knowing that you know how to disarm/ take someone down.
I was hit a lot growing up so the possibility of getting hit does not scare me.
Also, I was never raised to have this moral position against violence. In fact, I was taught by my mother that if anyone ever hits me that the only appropriate response is to immediately hit them back and to hit them three times harder.
Keeping your cool is important, especially in case things become physical. I personally find that I am only decent at fighting when I calculate and focus on using the little physical training that I have been taught. Going in with a head of steam always puts me at a disadvantage.
you could study fighting so that you can physically defend yourself. it you find a good gym it’s very healthy and you wont get hurt too much.
you could also be a little more paranoid and situationally aware and not allow yourself to get boxed into a corner.
and you could also accept that some times you may be unlucky and get beaten by a mob for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. it happens to people every day 🙁
personally i had a similar upbringing and i trained mma for a few years and when i get into conflict (very rare) and it starts escalating i feel alive and have a hunger to hurt the person. before learning to fight i would feel paralyzed. but i don’t actually fight with strangers, especially crazy people. i deescalate and leave. generally what i do is stay aware of my surroundings and flee when i feel something is off. i think that’s the best strategy. it will work until you’re 80 years old 🙂 my first defense is situational awareness, second is running away, and third is fighting. i try not to even get to the second. after all, what is there to fight about with some stranger on the street? they had a bad day and maybe you did — you’re just taking out your frustrations on each other. no need to feel “alpha” or shame for avoiding that nonsense.
I’m 6’4”, 245 pounds, and I lift. Naturally I guess I’m pretty intimidating to people so that often is enough to defuse situations. But either way, I’m not trying to fight anyone. One punch, guy gets knocked out, hits his head wrong, and he’s dead.
A lot of things are not worth it, and fighting with some random person is one of those things. Better off just walking away or avoiding the situation entirely. Once they put their hands on you, then all bets are kind of off.
I try and “switch hats” and look at things objectively. And explain it to the other party too. Either they get it or their confused to the point where they forget why their mad or try and make sense of it. Call it mind games all you want but it works and is usualy the right thing to do too and it creates understanding witch takes away a lot of anger
I don’t do a very good job of de-escalating situations. I also have this side of me that doesn’t have fear even when I know I should… I also remain very calm. For example, if two guys were about to jump me, the only thing that I’d process is it’s time to fight. Win or lose, live or die, it just doesn’t seem to exist in my mind at that moment.
I normally strip down and that helps tremendously. It throws off the enemy
For me this is a function of self-discipline taught to me by the Marine Corps. Take all of that fear, anger, and whatever else, and cork it up REAL tight in the back of your mind.
If the situation escalates and it is go time, then you let all that out on the bad guy. If situation defuses and it is NOT go time, then go home, deal with the shakes you’ll likely have, maybe have a nice bourbon.
I walk away.
I know when I’m fired up I don’t think straight and more often than not, the things the come out of my mouth or what I do to those around me are things I’ll deeply regret when I come back to earth.
However, if I was in a situation of self defence for my own safety as I imagine you were, physical altercation is justified.
You train to fight is how. Go learn a martial art. Not only will you learn how to fight effectively. You will learn how to avoid fighting too.
Knock em right out…if it was lies…
I pretend to stay calm.
I just let them continue and just look away or pretend to not listen to them because I’m in the right nearly every time. If I’m in the right the law is on my side. They want to try to fight, sorry not having it. They want to touch me then the gauntlet is on, but before then just literally think of anything else and don’t look at them.
Boxer/wrestler background, a Glock 19 on my hip, and I the knowledge that actions have consequences on both sides. Keeps you calm and keeps you thinking straight imho.
I come from generational anger issues. It’s something I’ve focused on my life. Therapy can do wonders if you stick with.
It comes down to catching the feelings before they take over your brain. Breathing exercises work for me. I take a big breath from my stomach and hold it for a handful of seconds and slowly release the air through my nose. Repeat a couple times and your body will realize it’s not in flight or fight mode.
That buys me some time to truly comprehend what’s going on and give a calmer, and more appropriate response if it’s in person. If it’s confrontation in an email, I’ll wait til I calm down and respond so I don’t say something stupid in writing.
My generation was trained not to cry or show emotions so the sadness/frustration bubbles up into anger. Start focusing on actually feeling emotions and how to process it correctly. Having a therapist helps with this because it’s neutral and can give you techniques that work for you.
I also quit drinking 7 months ago. I was never an angry drunk, but I used it for coping purposes and all that does is delay the inevitable. The goal is to decrease the frequency of anger flares so that it doesn’t build up into one big severe anger issue. There will be times you slip up and it feels like it isn’t working, but if you maintain consistency, you’ll notice the change internally.
I’m also on antidepressants and that helped a lot for me with reducing the amount of intrusive thoughts I’d get. I have PTSD from my childhood and was sexually assaulted at work and that did a number on me when my boss laughed it off. I’d have regular panic attacks and it led to the breakup of my gf and I. There’s a lot of anger and resentment inside me because of it and those are normal feelings, but you have to take time to process it all and face the unfortunate truths.
Also weed helps a lot.
Once you’re out of high school and can go to jail for getting in a fight, the answer to every physical confrontation is “run away like a little puss puss”. And keep yourself out of stupid situations.
You say this train situation was unavoidable, so, next time you might be taking the train alone at night, learn a lesson and don’t take the train, cough up for an uber or rearrange your schedule so you’re not traveling at night.
smile
Get some training, it comes with discipline.
My mom got me into karate as a kid, i did bjj as an adult. It comes with discipline and diffusing situations.
I was hard headed in highschool and once i won a few fights people just started jumping me. It sucked. Keep it to your self and never fight until it’s absolutely necessary.
I moved and no one knows me now, so now that im older and wiser, i can diffuse without wanting to scrap.
Fights are all fun and games til it isnt. Good luck!
For the record, Don’t believe you are weak or less than. Your fight or flight was triggered and adrenaline was increased. It’s ok to feel anger, or fear in this situation. You don’t know this person and it could even result in you getting killed. I’ve been in probably a dozen fist fights in my life and everytime during the initial arguing and intimidation my heart rate jumps and at times depending on who it is have felt fear. My body is expecting to get injured so fight or flight is triggered and it’s a natural human response. So don’t ever feel ashamed for feeling what you may consider fear. It’s normal I guarantee your opponent feels the same when you’re threatening them. Take some martial arts classes like jiu-jitsu and boxing to increase confidence to help you remain more calm in these situations if it ever arrives again. Also people are crazy and it would be wise to get trained on and to carry a firearm in case you’re ever in a life or death situation where you may need to defend your life or someone else’s. Stay vigilant
Growing up with a physically abusive father, I think he gave me a lot of practice with these people. Everytime I deal with an angry man child all I see is my pathetic little father, and it’s practically impossible to take them seriously then.
Be a little suicidal.
Steady ur breathing
Keep a goal in mind before the conversation. When something strives towards something personal, focus on the matter on hand/goal.
As an MMA fighter, I still shit my pants everytime I walk into a cage, but getting used to the feeling is pretty much the only way to deal with it, I’d suggest spending some time in a gym, I would go Muay Thai as BJJ is pretty shit for street fights but FOCUS ON THE CLINCH, striking is cool but not practical, on the street you want the fastest way out possible.
Take a deep breath and assess. Thinking through the situation can ease your nerves and leaves you in a position where you have a plan if it goes past just talking.
When I say think I mean asking important self defense questions like where are the exits? How close are they? Do they look like they actually want a fight or are they just thumping their chest. Do they seem like they are in control of themselves or are they intoxicazed?
OP said he didn’t have the time to call the police and almost everyone is saying for him to spend 6 months training self defense. smh
Answering your question, to keep you calm is the same way in every situation: breathe.
Fools are not trying to hit you, they are trying to make you scared. If they wanted to hit you, they would do it without saying anything.
They want to pressure you into saying or acting fast, without thinking. Don’t fall for it. Take your time. Speak slowly or straight up don’t answer.
If you don’t show submission, they will have to think about what they’ll do next and that could be the point that they stop by themselfs.
So take a deep breath, hold it for a second or two, fix your posture and if you don’t have any training, just wait out to see what happens. Remember you’re not made of sugar, you can take a punch. And the drunk guy will end up much worse off than you for agression. Other people might help you if he start a fight
And I mean this if you really don’t see a better option, like getting some distance or getting help.
It sounds dumb, but deep breathing. The key is not inhaling deeply – the hard part is forcing myself to exhale fully. Empty those lungs all the way down to.the diaphragm, breathe in, and empty again. Then think of how to respond.
Also be aware that raising your voice – volume OR pitch – tends to cause harsher reactions. Low, calm, slow speaking has defused a few tense moments.