I broke up with my gf a week ago and it was hard. We both cried and I expressed that I’m not mad at her at all and I still love her, but there were things I couldn’t get past. Now this was a 3 1/2 year relationship and it is tearing me apart rn. She couldn’t understand why but near the end of the conversations, she kinda just accepted and that made me think that she also realizes this wouldn’t work. Sometimes I think she emotionally manipulates me but also that might be because I’m rather insensitive at first. It’s super hard and I’m just asking if anyone has their input on the situation or experience and can tell me I’m giving up, or being rational rather than emotional. I 100% still love her, is that normal?
Tl;Dr – I broke up with my gf that I still love and I don’t know if I’m feeling emotional regret or actually made a mistake.
4 comments
There are a lot of relationships where somebody loves the other person, but because of some big incompatibility, the relationship just isn’t going to work out.
I assume you didn’t come to the decision to break up very quickly or lightly after 3.5 years, so I would lean fairly far into trusting “past you” with the decision to end things. Why did you break up, and why do you now think that was maybe a mistake?
Many relationships end for other reasons than people hating each other. Sometimes circumstances simply allow people to be together. Incompatibility can be too much. Social/cultural pressures overwhelm. Maybe there’s a family member who needs looking after long term. Career sends someone overseas. At some point the reason matters less than the simple fact that things won’t work out.
Here? Maybe the reasons do have more weight. Where there are problems there are potentially things to be worked on. But you broke up and mention she probably accepts things wouldn’t work, which suggests you think those problems were big enough to call it a day. It’s not a decision you came to easily.
Yes sadly it is normal and actually more common than you think. One of the biggest clichés about relationships is that love is not enough on its own. It is true nonetheless and you are experiencing it.
And not to be debbie downer but probably those feelings aren’t gonna fade away for a while, at least not before getting serious in another relationship. Since you really think that it’s not gonna work between both of you, do not let those feelings take over and make them seem to you as regret or a mistake. You can romantically love a person without necessarily being in a relationship with them. Also this is a given but cutting or at least minimizing contact would help.
To still have feelings is normal. It’s okay to think a person is good, but not good for you. It’s also healthy to admit your issues in the relationship. It’s important to maintain healthy boundaries and stay firm in your decision because the loneliness can get to you and make you think returning is a good idea when it’s not.