For context my partner (26m) and I (26f) have been together for 6 years
We live together and we have a 14 month old together
Before having our son we were very loving and affectionate and all the good things right…
I got pregnant and I started feeling different towards him. In the later stages of my pregnancy we wouldn’t have sex, he told me it was weird seeing my belly and that it was kind of a turn off when thinking about doing it
Which I understand I also found it weird
But after I gave birth he was pushing to have sex again as soon as the 6 weeks was up.
The thought of having sex back then repulsed me and I only did it for him because he wanted to
My son was a terrible sleeper so I didn’t get much sleep at night and I was exhausted all day looking after him as my partner was at work (12 hr days most days)
Don’t get me wrong, my partner is an amazing dad and we are very 50/50 with looking after and raising our son
I used to have resentment towards my partner for being able to go out and live his life like nothing had happened and I have expressed this to him so he’s really stepped up with parenting and cleaning and taking me out for dates, getting us out of the house etc it’s fantastic
He gently nudged for a second baby, saying it’s better to get it over with
I said I wasn’t ready
But we did it anyway, he convinced me
I thought if I got it over with I wouldn’t have to do it again
Not a great mind set, I know
I also miscarried which really messed me up – it’s made me realise now that I am ready and I have so much guilt for the way I felt before losing the baby
He’s been absolutely amazing throughout this whole deal
He came to every scan, every doctors appointment, he took days off work when it first happened to make sure I was okay and to look after our son
I have so much gratitude and respect for him for the way he’s handled it all
But I still find sex repulsive
I don’t like affection
I love him dearly and I really want to work on this to try and feel better sexually towards him again
What can I do?
4 comments
Therapy
You would benefit from speaking to your OB and probably a therapist as well. You’re mentioning feeling things like resentment and guilt— those are pretty heavy feelings to be carrying around all day. Maybe if you talked to a professional you could unburden yourself a little. I think focusing on just the sex issue is a bad take when it sounds like mentally you don’t feel any love for yourself. Perhaps it’s a hormonal imbalance, but you sound depressed. Feeling sexy starts with being in a positive mental place.
You better work on yourself or it will affect ypur marriage especially your baby. Therapy is good but also talk to your spouse, dont alienate him. Suggest to take things slow and do the things you both love to do together.
First off, sorry for your loss.
How active are you? Consider practicing yoga. There is multiple layers of how it will benefit you. Yoga not your thing? Put your little in a stroller and go for a walk. Soak up some sunshine.
Your SO sounds like a keeper as he made changes after you brought certain things to his attention.
This sounds like a you thing. Share the feelings you had with your therapist so you can drill down the root cause.