Well, yeah. Like the title says. I’ve (32f) been sexually active for 17 years and have never cum during sex. I have had a range of partners from inexperienced to very experienced, and even with the particularly talented guys it just doesn’t happen. It doesn’t happen with PIV, oral sex or fingering. I’ve come close once or twice, but that’s it.
The thing is, it actually doesn’t bother me at all because sex for me is all about the intimacy. If it involves lots of stroking and kissing and cuddling then I am absolutely satisfied. If I need a release I can take care of it myself.
I’ve just recently started sleeping with new people after a long period in a relationship and it’s reminded me again that there are guys out there who really want their partners to cum, and feel inadequate if they can’t get them there. Again, doesn’t really bother me personally but hey, it wouldn’t be a bad thing if it could happen, so just wondering if anyone has any suggestions that go beyond “try oral or finger stimulation.”
3 comments
I am 38f and have been with the same partner for 18 years and what you described is extremely relatable. First of all, good for you for knowing it’s about pleasure and not orgasm! Maybe start by making your partner understand that. Encourage him not to ask “are you finished yet” etc. Second, the trust involved in orgasming in the presence of a partner vs by yourself is just next level. Third, it’s honestly just really hard for a lot of men to do and they shouldn’t take that personally or consider it a trophy. If it is something you really want, you need time, space, practice, and communication. Try setting expectations in advance that you want a long session that’s just about you. Bring whatever else you need to help out: lube, music, toys, wine etc. And make it clear that you want to feel as good as possible for as long as possible. You should switch things up and try a variety of things during this session. And if it doesn’t happen, you can finish yourself in front of him. If that upsets him, it’s not a great match. Men can’t take it personally and everyone will be happier if they just enjoy the ride. I hope any of that is helpful. 😊
What turns you on ? And do you use any toys in the bedroom ?
Same thing here. At first I tought it was me and always wondered what am I missing. But, now I just enjoy sex and I don’t preassure myself to finish. I even like it better this way because it is not all I think about. My bf doesn’t mind this, we botb just have a good time.