My boyfriend said that he does not like asking for sex and it makes sex feel like a chore.
He said he wants me to be able to turn him on but I have no idea how to do that. I asked him what he wants me to do and he said I could get some ideas from porn but I thought I would come here first.
Women, what do you do to initiate sex and turn your partner on?
Men, what do women do that you like that really turns you on?
40 comments
I would find his kink and go from there. Be suggestive with what you have on. Like maybe don’t wear something so he sees something slightly. But don’t make it obvious that you are doing it. This all coming from a guy’s perspective
>I asked him what he wants me to do and he said I could get some ideas from porn
No, no, no.
You go back to him and say “if you want me to turn you on, then tell me what turns you on. Don’t send me to Pornhub and tell me to browse.”
I’m not trying to be harsh on your BF but he sounds really immature (not in the “he’s a child” but “he lacks experience and self-awareness/knowledge”) if that’s the best advice he can give you.
Very often I’ll kiss him on the neck and ask if he wants to play upstairs. Sometimes I’ll fish my hand down to his junk in the morning and see if anyone is home. If I’m especially horny I’ll text him a 😋 face and ask if he’s hungry.
It’s very easy to get your guy interested, just takes a leap of faith. In 12 years of marriage, I can’t say I’ve not gotten my efforts returned.
Kiss him on the neck and whisper ‘I want you inside me’ in his ear.
Train him to associate sex with you wearing a particular dress/perfume/hairdo. This works pretty well because it works as a “green light” without fear of rejection or disappointment and it’s not too much work on your end.
If you want him, look at him like you’re fucking him with your eyes, bite your lip, and straight out tell (or text) him that you’ve been thinking about him and are very turned on
Just see what he responds to, and which responses you like the most, and adjust accordingly. I personally like subtle/indirect ways of communication because it turns on the anticipation/reward part of sex which can be very enjoyable
Yesterday my partner surprised me by coming over after work. He wasn’t going to come over yesterday, but he got off work early so he let himself in (he has a key). I was surprised and still naked after my shower. Got him in the bedroom and onto the bed. I initiated sex, by straddling his clothed body with my naked one, and slowly grinding on him while kissing him. I used my body to make him want me (not that difficult….he already wants me), and my hips grinding on him showed him how much I wanted him.
Sex was successfully initiated.
What turns one person on may not turn on someone else. Maybe he isn’t sure what turns him on and having a conversation about this and experimenting would help more than simply turning to porn.
Sometimes we don’t need to overthink it. You can start texting him during the day. “Are you going to fuck me later? I really need it.” Then he will be thinking and anticipating coming home. When he comes home, jump on a counter and open up your legs. Call him over to you and tell him how much you need him. Touch him. Love him. It doesn’t have to be deep throat Debbie. You aren’t a performer. If you want to perform , then go for it! But don’t feel pressure to be something you aren’t.
He doesn’t know what to say bc he doesn’t know himself. Just be authentically horny.
My wife typically says bang bang or flashes some titties
Grind on him
Married man here for context.
Not porn!
Sexy Lingerie (give him a little flash of it, even if just a bra strap), touching him in a teasing way – putting your face next to his when you can, but pulling away if he tries to kiss – finger to his lips to tease.
Smelling goooood, sit on his crotch gently, but once in position, grind him gently, grab his hands and put them on your breasts just for a second…then pull away and wag your finger at him lol.
Then turn your hand and give him the “come here” finger curl without talking, put your knee to his balls and rub them gently when he comes to you.
Tell him you want him to fuck your brains out.
Be confident! He wants you, so be confident.
Do!!! Not!!! Get!!! Ideas!!! From!!! Porn!!!!!!!!!
So much porn is unrealistic and downright unsexy when applied to real life situations. It’s also largely catered to the male gaze, and while it might turn him on it probably won’t turn you on, and it’s important that both of you are feeling sexy and happy. Porn is really exploitative to women in general, And honestly to me your boyfriend telling you to get ideas from porn tells me that he might have a very unrealistic idea about how sex should go down.
Strut your body infront of him naked or in sexy underwear
Wrap a towel round you and ask him if he wants to see what’s underneath
it would depend on what he is into….. even what porn to watch to get ideas…you have to know a direction or you could go anywhere…..
No offense but a lot of these comments are sorta overly subtle or just like…things that take 5 seconds / indicate you want to fuck and then put all the responsibility back on the guy.
actual ideas:
1. wear a dress or skirt and then sit on his lap or lay down on the bed in front of him and ask him if he can help you rub some on your lower back. then if he doesn’t take the hint or plays coy, ask him to go a little lower, if he’s still being platonic ask him if you can please have some spankings because you’ve been thinking naughty thoughts about him.
2. similar to above but just show him your ass by sitting on his lap and then pulling the skirt or dress up to your waist and swaying it side to side, maybe tell him you’ve been having naughty thoughts and need a spanking as a punishment.
3. wear a skirt or dress and then sit or lay so that you can cross and uncross your legs and he will be able to see up it and catch glimpses of your underwear or vulva.
4. ask him if he can help pick out a cute outfit and get dressed and undressed in different lingerie and underwear for him, if you want to be spicy then maybe tell him he has to close his eyes while you change, and if he actually follows through and follows your instructions and you see him closing his eyes, maybe guide his hands to your ass or breasts while his eyes are closed and your clothings off as a reward before continuing to the next outfit.
5. ask him if you can give him a massage, then have him get naked and lay on his stomach and give him a great back massage that moves on to his glutes, then have him spread his legs a bit and massage his inner thighs and let your hands brush against his cock “by accident”. or have him flip over and massage his legs but graze his balls and cock on accident.
6. if you’re both hanging near a couch or bed, go on your stomach and stick your ass up in the air and oh so slowly but smoothly pull your shorts/pants down just a centimeter at a time and sway your hips back and forth while you do it. or lay on your back and pull your knees up to your chest with your calves pointed up into the air and do the same thing with pulling your pants/shorts up and down and giving little glimpses before putting it away. say something like “are you enjoying the view? maybe you’d like to get a closer look with your hands or tongue” or whatever.
7. if he’s sitting on the couch with you, sit next to him but put your legs or feet on his lap, let them brush up against his dick. ask him to give you a footrub and let your feet brush back and forth over his cock as he does it. maybe slowly remove clothing.
8. go up behind him while he’s sitting and push your boobs up against the back of his neck while you rub his shoulders and arms and tell him how much he means to you.
9. let one strap of a tank top or bra or dress slip down and then point it out to him and say they keep slipping and its so frustrating, then him ask to slip the strap on the other side down too so they’re matching. then put your elbows together and lean forward and sway your chest side to side and ask him if he can just take it off for you instead.
10. tell him to get down on the floor on his hands and knees and then step over him and slowly strip out of your clothes and squat down over his face and tell him to lick.
11. tell him you want to show him something then lead him to the stairs, strip out of your pants/shorts/skirt and maybe underwear, pull his face down to your ass level so his eyes are at crack or pussy level and then tell him ‘don’t let your face get an inch further away from me’ and start slowly climbing up the stairs swaying your ass side to side as you go.
12. tell him you bet you can pin him down and then start trying to wrestle with him. say whoever gets the other’s clothes off wins and if he starts winning, use kissing his neck or chest or mouth or stroking his dick as a distraction while he pins you.
mostly just show off your body, tell him what to do, grab him by the dick, tease him with your hands or mouth, etc
learn what parts of your body look good to him and learn to pose and show them off seductively, laying on your back and opening and closing your legs or lifting them up into the air is often good, getting on your hands and knees like the cow pose in yoga is often good, bending over is often good, crawling is often good, if you have cleavage then pushing it together with your hands or arms and leaning forward is often good, asking him to adjust your clothing or removing it is often good.
I’m totally turned on when I see my wife in a super short mini skirt, so she’ll just slap one of those babies on with a mid riff tanktop and high heels when she wants to do an extra special ‘initiation of sex’. So if you’re game, and your bf likes skimpy clothing (my wife wouldn’t even wear these skirts outside the house they’re so high and short!), try that. It’s the hugest turn on to me when my wife struts out there in the shortest denim miniskirt she could find. We also do role play where I”m the coach and she wears this little cheerleader outfit I bought for her online. It’s just so freegon hot, to me. Yum.
If he’s sitting on the couch i’ll sit down next to him, stroke his thigh, kiss him on the cheek and whisper smth along the lines off “are u in the mood for smth fun?”
I find that taking out his cock and sucking it does the trick
I do this when I have a partner but it could apply to any partner male or female. Start light, just rub…kiss lightly, rub lightly, focus on the relaxation and not the nut. As I remove her clothing I have her lay face down, flat and I lightly kiss up her back and neck as I run my fingertips lightly over her body. I make sure to get as close as I can to the sensitive areas but just lightly rub at this point. Alternate kissing and rubbing all over the backside. Apply more pressure at the bottom of back and move upwards if they like and definitely do not ignore any of the rear end. It’s the best part. By doing this and then by the time, they are face up laying flat, you will notice the quiet moans and see the hips move a little big stick to the plan. Relaxation is the goal not the orgasm. The orgasm will happen if you stick to the objective of relaxation. I will spare the dirty details but as you work up the body rubbing and kissing focusing on certain areas that need more pressure like calves and feet. Continue running those fingertips all over the body and by now there will be an erection most likely and a very wet vagina and take from there. Just lightly running fingertips all over each other’s bodies.
He needs to put on his big boy pants and get involved in the process. Don’t settle for a child that can’t be bothered to tell you what he wants. This behavior will bleed into every facet of your relationship.
Older male hair I’m not just answering this post I actually looked at a lot of your post and you need to break up with him and cut this completely one-sided disrespectful relationship off your catering to him and it’s not right. There are men who will treat you right not boys but actual men there are people who appreciate one another and know how to respect one another and he does none of that for you. You may be in love or you may be infatuated but you’re not getting everything you should from a partner I really hope you think about this and try to believe that you’re not alone and you won’t be.
Get naked? Start kissing him, his neck, and/or kiss down his body.
Ask him if there’s specific pleasure points on his body that he specifically likes to have you run your fingers over or kiss or something. That seems like it’d work well lol
As a woman (21) i like to give my bf more wet, softer, sloppier and longer kisses if yk what i mean and it always works lolll buut you can kiss him and start touching his dick or rubbing it, you can kiss or lick his neck while touching/rubbing his dick, you can put his hand on your boobs or vagina and show him how wet you are and tell him “you make me so wet” with that look that says i want you, you can literally say you want him in you, you can say i want you to fuck me, you can wear lingerie if hes into that, if you guys are sitting down on a couch or bed, get onto his laps, make-out and slowly grind and usually most of these will get things started.
There are many many ways but ultimately it depends on what someone personally likes. Try a few things and if you see its not working, you’re gonna have to literally ask him “babe, what can i do that will turn you on?” And dont take “idk” for an answer cuz its obvious you want to put in the effort and he should too
Obviously, every person is different but it may be as simple as having him walk into the room while you’re in lingerie or even nude. Or just say “I want you.”
Press the ON button 😂
You haven’t given us any information on how old you both are, etc., so it makes it difficult, but here are some ideas:
* Reverse backwards hug: approach him from behind while he is doing something (this would be great if he is washing the dishes), wrap your arms around him and pull him into a hug. You can get as creative and to the point *cough, cough* as you like with this one. Make sure to press your breasts into his back (it would also help if you weren’t wearing a bra). If you want to get really to the point, go ahead and grab his junk.
* Backwards hug: call him over to you from another room, while you are doing something. When he comes over, beckon him over, pull him in behind you into a backwards hug, then rub your ass against his crotch
* Attempt to “grab the keys”: next time you are in the mood and about to go somewhere, let him lock up the house. Then tell him, “oops, I forgot something.” When he reaches to pull the keys from his pocket, stop him, preferably non-verbally by putting your hand on his shoulder or arm. Then with your other hand, reach into his pocket to “pull out his keys.” When you feel him inevitably get hard, smile at him, and pull away. This one isn’t so much to get him to the bedroom, as just to mess with him when you are on your way somewhere.
* Watch a movie with him with him sitting next to you on the couch. Put his arm around your shoulder, but “accidentally” press his hand to your breasts. Pretend you don’t notice, and then when he get’s a boner smile and lean in to kiss him.
​
Anyway, it is too late to come up with anything else at the moment. Honestly, just “be sexy”.
A lot of these suggestions are telling you to do things to make him initiate sex (wear sexy clothes, flash your tits/ass etc.) – if this is what he wants, then great. But I suspect that what he wants is for you to actually start the sex and take some off the work off him. It’s a common expectation that the guy should be the one to initiate sex, and I can imagine this is a lot of work if you have to be the one doing it every time – no wonder it can start to feel like a chore.
Try starting to kiss him and touch him all over, tell him how hot you find him and how much he turns you on, give him a handjob or blowjob and get him really worked up before doing anything to you. Treat him like a king and show him how much you desire him. I’ve never been with a man (or woman for that matter) who doesn’t love to have their partner show them how much they want them and desire them.
Try your best, but if it is a struggle, please consider leaving him. Life is too short not to be met with equal libidos.
When in the sofa, rub his dick, put it in your mouth, even if it is soft, work on it, insisting, continue to do so for days, even if he is not in the mood. Maybe he will get in the mood… Keep on kissing and hugging him, maybe he will slowly learn, and eventually be more responsive.
” I asked him what he wants me to do and he said I could get some ideas from porn but I thought I would come here first.”
If your partner wants you to do stuff to turn him on, then he needs to be very clear and specific about what would turn him on. All good sex is built on communication. Nobody in this world is a mind-reader, and if someone wants something, they need to use their words.
Ask him to tell you his fantasies. Ask him to show you the kind of porn he likes. Ask him for specifics and details. Because porn shows a HUGE variety of activities (not all of them healthy) and you cannot reasonably be expected to simply figure out what he wants simply by watching it.
Breathe and have a heartbeat!
/s
I have a more direct approach to initiating. I just start playing with my husbands dick. He certainly knows what I want after that.
Earlobe nibbling and breathing/sexy talk in the ear is basically always gonna kick things up a notch. Basically blow gently into the ear while you work the lobe with your lips and tongue, a little teeth and pulling helps. I’m not super talkative during, but the breathing definitely gets the job done if you aren’t up to some steamy wordplay. Never gets old.
He also sounds kinda meh if “watch porn for ideas” is all he gave you to work with, but this should make him a little more inclined to actually be involved in your sex life. Just… don’t put your tongue IN his ear. Folks have tried to pull the ol uno reverse on me with this trick and that is always the point where it stops being hot for me. Use your tongue, just not like a Q-tip
Fuck porn. Connect with your partner. The fact he told you to look at porn and didn’t give you an actual answer of what he wants is whack. He doesn’t know what he wants he’s just uncomfortable communicating apparently. Also grind on him. I absolutely love when a woman is sitting on me. Lingerie is fun too
this is so simple just start touching him, kissing, grind/dry hump, grab his bulge he just want to feel like you want sex too instead of its him bothering you
Literally just touch the penis. How has this not been said yet. Do normal hugs, massage, cuddle, whatever and let hands wander to the penis or other erogenous zones. Sends the message pretty quick.
It’s honestly baffling to me that simply having his GF naked in front of him asking him for sex wouldn’t be enough of a turn-on. I get the whole not wanting to have to initiate or ask for it every time, but all I need to get turned on by wife is for her to simply tell me she wants me in the bedroom.
There are already some good tips on here I would like to point out that there are 2 of you. Him saying he should have to initiate is not cool.
In all relationships initiation should 50/50 and reciprocation should be 100% on both sides. Not just sex either, in all aspects.
Put your hand under his shirt and rub his chest while kissing his ear or neck