I went on a date earlier, and I paid for my food and our fare home (he (17M) paid for the fare on the way). My aunt and uncle told me it wasn’t a date since it wasn’t his treat.
I thought it was fine for me to pay, since it was my food. I didn’t think I should stick with the traditional way where the guy pays for everything.
And now I feel like I made a mistake. Was I wrong?
15 comments
It’s perfectly fine to split bill or pay for yourself. It’s all about equality these days anyways.
For the first date it shoulndt be a big deal anyways ure 16 so making small mistakes is necessary to become a better self, in relationship that should happen
Ignore the equality, it is bad for a man that he cant or dont want to play for both of u (later you become one), he has to do it as a protector and provider
This is a pretty controversial topic and there’s no right or wrong answer (sorry!). Some people are still old fashioned and believe that either the man or the asker should pay. Some women like to pay for ourselves so we don’t feel we “owe” him anything. Some people feel the higher wage earner (usually the man) should pay (at least, more often).
Throughout your dating life you’re going to encounter men on both sides of this debate, men who want to split and men who insist on paying.
I know this sounds unhelpful and cliche, but do what feels right to you. The key is good communication with the person you’re dating.
It’s fine to pay for yourself.
You did the right thing. We should really make this the acceptable norm. It’s the age of equality FFS.
No. My rule of thumbs is the asker usually pays, or at the very least is prepared to. I think paying for your first meal keeps it more casual and implies you want to be more independent while getting to know them. And not reliant on them. I also think that if you both feel the date when well it doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks. It would be a bit wrong if say he invited you to dinner and expected you to pay, without asking if you could “go dutch” this time.
A lot of us adults get wrapped up in the “proper” first moves and create stupid expectations instead of enjoying eachothers company.
I like to go the coffee route. It’s a small geasture that’s perfectly acceptable in most instances for a man or a woman to invite a person they are interested in out to coffee and conversation. If you don’t click you’re just out a few bucks and can move on. If you do you can graduate to a full meal next date.
No mistake. This is fine and should be the norm.
Also, if he’s like me when I was 17, I didn’t have two coins to rub together so every little bit helped.
It’s fine for you to pay but if this date was his Idea then you dint need to.
On the first date, whoever’s Idea it was to go out should Pay!!
It’s a simple enough rule I’d say.
personally i’m a firm believer in whoever asks for the date is the one to plan and pay for the date. regardless it’s never wrong or bad to pay for yourself especially if it’s only a first date. lots of men expect sex if they pay for a meal so paying for yourself is nothing to be shamed for
I think you paying for your own date is very Mature of you! especially when youre both young things can be expensive! and if you had a good time and he had a good time, who cares who paid? this whole “who ever idea it is should pay” is cringe
Nah. You’re both (likely) broke teenagers; I wouldn’t worry about it. He should pick up the tab next time.
Unless you make your intentions clear paying for your portion signals you are not interested in the guy.
That’s goes to show, your parents raised a good girl. Miss independent 👍
What’s most important is how you two felt about the date.
Were any boundaries crossed, did you two enjoy your time together, do both of you want similar things out of this relationship and willing to do these things for each other, do you two want to keep seeing each other.
IMO, you two aren’t even in your 20’s yet, so I wouldn’t stress on traditionalism.
your aunt and uncle is 60 years olds, different times