I (F22) just found out that my dad (M54) had a relationship with another woman for 7 years. The woman messaged my oldest brother on Instagram today in frustration since she’s been desperately trying to contact his new wife but was already blocked. My parents got divorced 4 years ago and he’s continued to have contact with this woman even though he got remarried and is trying to have a baby with his new wife (F37). My eldest brother (M32) is dead set on never saying anything to my dad or his new wife, but my other brother (M28) is dead set on confronting him. I can’t say all of this comes as a surprise, as I remember being a kid and seeing him send sexual messages to unsaved numbers in weird messaging apps. But since I was probably 12, I pushed it to the back of my mind since I thought there was no way my dad could do this.
I think it hurts even more since he raised us in a strict Christian household. I was screamed at countless times about how if I had sex before marriage or wore revealing clothes I’d go straight to hell. He had a very holier-than-thou persona that led all of us to believe that he was an A+ Christian who would never sin. It just all feels hypocritical as fuck and like my whole childhood was a lie.
Of course I’m not going to say anything to my mom, but I am torn about whether or not to tell his new wife. She doesn’t deserve to have a child with such a horrible man, but we also barely know her and have no idea how we’d go about bringing this up. I also don’t want my dad to do anything to the woman who told us all of this information. I know I probably shouldn’t be turning to reddit right now but I really don’t know what else to do.
TLDR: Do I confront my cheating lying dad and warn his new wife before they have a baby?
9 comments
Ooch.
Me? Id tell new wife.
She needs to know the pri*k shes with before deciding to have children with him.
Sorry for you. Your father is awful.
What are you hoping to accomplish by confronting him? Are you okay with never seeing your dad or his wife again? The saying “kill the messenger” is a saying for a reason.
Only you can decide on doing this but you should be ready for the consequences.
Tell your mom too, why wouldn’t you? Why should everyone keep this animal’s secrets for him?
Tell his new wife. You’re right that she needs the choice of whether to tether herself to him with a child. This is simply the right thing to do as it gives her agency. Telling your mom might help her but she no longer has decisions to make regarding your dad so not telling her doesn’t affect her agency.
I smell family video time with a special surprise guest for the two love birds. Include all the evidence you have and the side chick as the surprise guests. I may include mom if she can keep a secret and wants some good old fashion revenge on the bastard. If you can get stepmom on side too it would be even better.
Then make sure to do it with all the family and let the asshole eat all the crow he deserves.
Well since your brother is dead set on confronting him I say go for it and tell the new wife. It sounds like it’s all gonna come out anyways quite soon.
As someone who was cheated on, tell the new wife. He isn’t going to stop. The new wife will appreciate the heads up.
Your mom probably knew he cheated on her, but his new wife probably doesn’t since she’s trying to have a child with him. I’d tell her, but would have plenty of proof to provide if she wants to see it.
Why is it always the most self-righteous fucks that are up to the worst shit? I’d tell the wife. Try and back it up with some proof just so he can’t convince her you’re all lying to get back at him for splitting with your mom etc. ppl like that will say anything and if she’s in love with him, which she likely is, she will want to believe him (that doesn’t make her bad, just manipulated). So maybe tell her w your brother, kindly but clearly, and say you truly believe it, and give her the contact info and say “just talk to her, it’s true.” (Assuming the other woman is ok with that). Just an idea.