Like I’ve never directly heard from any other source that I’m too young to be having sex, so I assume that what he is saying would be considered wrong, but I just want a confirmation.
I live in the US state of Virginia btw, and according to the romeo-and-juliet laws of my state it would be legal for me to have sex in several instances.
19 comments
It is true -> You’re going to want sex all the time afterward. That’s the box you’re going to open.
The fact that you state “16 and 1/2” shows you are way too young to start having sex.
It is a serious thing that some people take lightly, so it is true that is an experience that changes your life and it’s better done when you are prepared mentally and being responsible.
its a half and half situation. It is religious hokum for sure, but at the same time it is not something to rush into. You should make sure whomever you choose to be your first is clean and not leaving you with anything permanent. be safe.
Fellow teen (M 19) who was raised in a religious (but quite sex-positive household) here. Sex is normal, healthy, empowering, and fun, and can be a wonderful experience when done safely. You are no less of a person for having sex, and you’re most certainly not going to hell or similar for having it. However, sex can also have real consequences, the least of which are pregnancy, STDs, etc. So, In a sense, your dad is correct in that sex can open something you can’t close later (this is probably not what he means). Should you choose to have sex, be safe and smart. Use protection, be careful who you sleep with, etc. Best of luck, and hope you have healthy experiences no matter what you choose for yourself now.
As someone who started having sex really really young (younger than you), I would say that it’s religious mumbo jumbo. Do what you want to do. If you feel ready and want to do it then you are ready. If you don’t feel ready then don’t rush into it, take your time and wait. The idea that losing your virginity is a massive change and you’ll never be the same after is garbage and just a way to scare people into abstinence (which doesn’t work). I felt no different after I started having sex and nothing changed in my life except me exploring my sexuality and having fun. I don’t regret anything 🙂 Always use protection and start doing some research about pleasure and safe sex.
Surely you know that’s not true. He’s using his favorite fairytale to scare you into not having sex.
That being said, be responsible about it.
Uk here, 16 is the age of consent. I lost mine at 13 when I wasn’t ready to a older guy who basically ruined my teens.
If you are ready for side effects of sex, pregnancy being the main one no matter how careful you are, stds, emotional and physical changes. Then ok, think about it.
Is your partner kind, caring, age appropriate, on the same page as you? The first time you have sex can change how you view it for a very long time. The viriginty thing is bull from a religious point of view
But from a you point of view, just be careful, be safe, be ready x
I’d say it’s both true and untrue at the same time.
If we’re talking about physical virginity, there’s no meaningful way to interpret it as being true. Some people do experience a sort of barrier to entry, to varying degrees. And while it’s true that you can’t close that if you do have one and you open it, it’s not a meaningful attribute to begin with – so it doesn’t matter.
But if we’re talking about the mental, emotional and psychological aspect of it, there’s some small amount of merit to it. Depending on personality of course, there’s an argument to be made that making sure that you’re ready and that the first time is a little bit special can be an invaluably good memory, not for physical or biological reasons, but purely for the emotional factors attached to it. It’s also the case that you can’t have your first time more than once (but whether that’s an important factor or not isn’t something we can answer for you).
So while I would urge you to be careful when considering all things about this, I would also say that you are the one who knows yourself best. What worked for others doesn’t necessarily have to be the best solution for yourself. Do your best to evaluate your own feelings and desires – not just about the prospect of having sex, but try to imagine the consequences of it.
For instance: Do you perceive sex to be a primarily romantic or emotional pursuit? If so, I would caution to really consider where your relationship is at in terms of emotional investment before you progress to sex.
Or: Do you have ulterior motives for wanting to have sex? By ulterior motives, I mean things like, are you wanting to do it to fit in with your peer group? Is your partner pressuring you or expecting it of you? Do you just want to get it over with just to have it be done with? If any of those things (or things that are similar) are the case, then I would also advise you to be cautious.
In general, if you are thinking about sex for any reason that doesn’t have your own feelings, wishes and desires *about sex/intimacy/relationships* at the center, it might be better to hold off a while.
Whatever the case may be about those factors, if you do decide to have sex, as long as you go into it consentually and safely (be with someone you trust, in a safe location) and protected (meaning the use of properly applied condoms at the very least), it’s very hard to imagine a scenario where having sex is damaging or somehow exposes you to a doom-and-gloom type of factor that your dad seems to be implying.
average age to have sex in the US is 16-17, so you’re not “too young” legally speaking. as for other factors, thats really up to you, don’t rush it but if you decide you’re ready to have sex with someone, go for it.
What your dad may be alluding to is it changes your outlook slightly. Theres a reason they call it a loss of innocence. He’s no fool, he knows eventually you will cross that line, but once done, there is no going back. He wants to keep the sweet innocent child hes known all your life but he knows thats impossible. As a parent, i look to my child’s maturity both expectantly and with trepidation. We (parents) want to guide you to make the best decisions you can and have our own fears that we may have screwed up somewhere. This is one of the big decisions that we can school you on but ultimately it is your decision. Surely be smart with your choice, safety is a priority but the other things that go with it are harder to safeguard you from. Heartbreak is a big one. No real parent wants to see their child get a broken heart when it doesnt work out in young love.
It’s more that, once you start having sex, having sex is then always a possibility. I think I read somewhere “once you have sex with someone, having sex with anyone becomes an option”.
When you aren’t having sex, everything stops at a certain point. Once you start having sex, it’s easier to skip steps/ jump right into having sex with someone, or just easier to progress to having sex because it’s already something you’ve done before.
Also if guys know you’re sexually active, they may be more inclined to pursue you because they think you’re more likely to put out for them; or if you decline sex the person you’re seeing may get hurt feelings if they know you’ve been sexually scrubs with others (not that it’s not still perfectly ok to decline anyone for any reason, but be aware it may be hurtful to them if you agreed to sleep with someone else but not them).
I personally think you crave sex more once you’ve started having it; if you have sex regularly then if you go a while without it then it’s harder than if you just hadn’t had any at all.
It’s not wrong to have sex at your age, if you do it thoughtfully, but yes it is a bit of opening a box that you can’t really just put back away like it never happened.
Well, sex comes with potential life long consequences. I always assumed that I wasn’t ready to have sex until I was finished with my education, had a decent paying job, and would be ready to support a baby.
By the way, my ex boyfriend had his first child at 15 and his second child at 17. Not only was he not prepared to be a father, but he was not prepared for all the child support payments that would prevent him from earning enough to get a decent apartment and his own car, when all his friends had decent apartments and cars.
And right now I’m going through a pregnancy scare at this very moment, because my period is late. But at least I know I’m responsible and also financially stable to have a kid if it truly comes to that, because I’m 33.
Other things you have to think about are, are you ready to get birth control and condoms? Are you ready to insist on condoms if you end up with a partner trying to talk you out of them? Are you in a situation where you can easily get STD testing and treatment? Do you feel comfortable discussing everything with a doctor? Do you know how you would handle a pregnancy? Do you know how you’d handle an STD?
I’m 18 and graduated from high school and am now engaged to the loml. I had one body before him and personally I regretted it. I wish I would’ve waited. That’s just my personal opinion.
The teenage pressure to have sex is real. Those boys are only after what your willing to give. Chances are they don’t want a serious relationship. They want that feel good sexual feeling and bragging rights. I can tell you that as a 34 year old man.
It’s better to hold off for those college years when they start to wise up and think about the future. If they can’t date you seriously for 6 months plus, don’t do it. You will wish you waited on that right man to come into your life, when you find that right man. You will have plenty of chances in life. Why waste the raw beauty of it on some 16 year old that doesnt have that forever intentions with you.
Just two cents. Hope you make the right decision, so you don’t have those regrets so many of us on here have.
Started having sex much younger, 25 now. Seems religion-based, but how I’m going to raise my kids is going to be “once you’re old enough and can take on the responsibility that comes with is. The risk of pregnancy: can you afford a child? No? Hmm. Can you afford condoms? Can you accept the risk of STIs and the fact that some are completely life changing?” I might’ve got a lucky draw, but not everyone does. And people will lie to you or withhold information, and you will be s.o.l. NOW, as far as Romeo Juliet law, if you were to have sex right now, your dad could do major damage and press charges for statutory rape. So that’s a major thing too.
That’s nonsense. My mentor from church told me „god would forgive this“ and that i need to „watch my ways now“ which made me feel terrible and screwed up my relationship with my belief. Now that i embraced my sexuality is where i feel divinely loved.
Sex, as a basic human (and animal) function is something both natural and that can be postponed in a way not possible with other functions.
Statistically, bellow a certain age people start regretting being so precocious and above a certain age people start regretting having waited so long.
What the majority really value is the sense of connection they have with the parter they chose.
In a certain, factual way, your father is right, after you start your sexually active life, you will not want to not have an active sexual life again.
That may pose a big challenge if you haven’t found the right partner for you… if you have, then you’ll have a longer fulfilling sexual life…
I personally find it unfortunate that teenage sex has been criminalized in vast parts of the world, turning simple humans into sex offenders with a criminal record for life… be careful of the laws … and understand that although it may be legal for you to have sex, it is illegal to record/video/film it until all partners are adults.
A simple dick pick of a minor, whether sent to a minor or not, once sent electronically meets the legal definition of child pornography!!!
As a late bloomer myself, I feel that if I had found the right partner before, the right thing would be to start my sexual journey sooner.
However, I also noticed that my time was not wasted since I read a lot about sex (search Masters and Johnson) , about the science behind it (The Science of Sex Podcast is quite interesting) and it helped me avoid some pitfalls my colleagues went into.
Good luck 🍀 on your journey and don’t be afraid to live life!
So, if you were to wait until you were, say, 25, whatever it is that you’d be opening *could* be closed?