Thanks for all the advice I really appreciate it.
Original Post- [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/u1lv8z/comment/i4ex8op/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/u1lv8z/comment/i4ex8op/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
TL/DR- We broke up, I blocked his number. No bed bugs lol. I’m learning how to be single again and Idk how to do that lol. I don’t see myself dating for a while, but I’d appreciate any tips on being single, safe, and eventually dating again.
So I (24f) broke up with him(24m) before the post got as many replies as it did. I called him and let him know how I felt about the situation and that it’s best if we just are single and focus on ourselves right now. He said he understood and it was a quick call. He texted me right after saying he wished I told him how I felt while I was there instead of waiting. I told him that I DID tell him I was ready to go because of the bugs and he caught an attitude. He apologized for responding the way he did and said he was just embarrassed especially since we already hadn’t seen each other in over a month he wanted to spend more time with me etc. I let him know that I do feel where he’s coming from but if after 3 years he can’t even bother to get a fly strip I can’t just take his word that he’ll do better anymore. I blocked him and this is the longest we’ve gone without speaking(1 week today).
I don’t have bed bugs + haven’t seen another bug since that morning. I still deep cleaned my room to be sure. If anyone is curious, it was small + black + maybe grey, it kind of looked like the middle one in this picture- [https://images.app.goo.gl/TftyTtCezHaGLPDm6](https://images.app.goo.gl/TftyTtCezHaGLPDm6).
I only have him on FB for now but we haven’t spoken to each other. I told my closest friends that we broke up ( I didn’t tell them how bad his apartment is, just that I’ve asked him to do something for a few years now and he hasn’t followed through). I’ve been throwing away small sentimental items he’s given me like 1-2 a day so far and it’s helping. My friend’s birthday was over the weekend so we went out for dinner and drinks and it was great to go out with the girls, the timing was impeccable, I had a great time.
Right now I’m learning how to be single, especially single as an adult in her 20s. I’m the girl that’s always been in relationships in high school/college so it’s a huge adjustment. I know how to be alone (doing things on my own, being content when I’m by myself, going out by myself, etc) but being single is completely different. Thinking of dating again seems pretty scary right now because the last standards I had going into a relationship were for “teenage me”. People in their 20s are often open to visiting someone’s house + getting intimate soon etc, I’m not interested in taking that route + feel that it comes with a big safety risk. I don’t see myself dating for a while, but I’d appreciate any tips on being single, safe, and eventually dating again.
12 comments
I’m so proud of you for doing what’s neccesary for you! I know it can be hard to just pull that trigger, so to speak, but you did it! 😊😊
Just kick back and enjoy being single for a while. After coming out of a long term relationship it’s a lot healthier than jumping into a new relationship and you can start learning more about yourself.
Honestly just focus on yourself for now. Enjoy your life being single. Spend time friends, travel, maybe some new hobbies and most of be happy! The right person will come along when you least expect it. When do go on dates I think going to someones home is just sketchy and yeh not safe. Especially not when they know where you live as well. So I would suggest to meet somewhere.
Block on FB. He will 100% start posting pictures of his room cleaned up, sad quotes about change and true love. He will try to weasel his filthy disgusting life back into yours.
And he will, on god, 100% go right back to being a shit-pig as soon as you take him back.
Block on all platforms and move on. Focus on reconnecting with old friends, building new relationships, joining new clubs and groups, pursuing passions and hobbies and interests.
I was in non stop relationships from 14-25. One of my friend’s moms actually told me “yikes, sounds like you NEED to be single for a good 1-2 years to decompress after all that.” and she was 100% right. It was a process, learning how to be comfortable, fill the silence, rely on myself, etc. The best thing that worked for me was creating and sticking to a schedule: exercise daily for 1 hour. Sunday is laundry and house cleaning day. Monday is grocery shopping day. Tuesday I cooked dinner for myself, and would invite a few friends to come over. Wednesday/Thursday were my nights to myself-watch a movie, catch up on shows. Friday/Saturday were dedicated to having plans with friends usually organized a week in advance or more- and worst case have folks over.
Stay busy-don’t date, don’t even show interest. It’s too tempting to get back into a relationship so you don’t feel lonely-but it won’t help you long term being confident with yourself. Right now-work on being your best self so in a year you’re 100% and ready to attract a partner who is also 100% their best self. Don’t get into a relationship and expect to become your best self later-self improvement happens on your time, not someone else’s.
> If anyone is curious, it was small + black + maybe grey
That sounds like a carpet beetle. It’s a pest to be sure, but nothing close to as bad as bed bugs. They are not a threat to you directly because they do not bite, but the larvae can cause rashes/irritation. They are however a threat to your natural fibers because the larvae feed off of wool, silk, cotton, and leather.
Wow , you have self-respect and a backbone. I’m damn proud of you. Have a great life. Remember, you did the right thing.
First, I just wanna say how proud I am of you. It’s not easy to acknowledge when a relationship has turned into something else entirely and the person you knew became someone else.
Second,When I got out of my 4 year relationship (it was sad but mutual in the end)I took a year off dating to figure myself out and figure out what it is I want in a partner. Sometimes in order to fall in love again, you have to learn to love yourself again. Hang out with your friends and family, plan a trip, do the things you couldn’t do when you were with your ex, explore new things. And when you’re ready to jump back into the dating game (and you’ll know when your ready), trust your gut. You want someone who encourages you to be your best self, is honest with you when you’re not at your best, and tries to bring you out of your comfort zone (in a healthy, clean environment where there aren’t any cockroaches, flies, and bedbugs lol). Best of luck to you.
Take time to re-learn who you are outside of relationships. I was single for a while in my mid-20s and feel like it was really good for me. I had a very solid sense of who I was, what I wanted from life, and what I could negotiate on and feel like that helped me be in a good place when I met my husband.
Oh my I read your original post and started itching! Good for you for breaking up. There is no excuse for all those bugs or at least trying to get rid of them. Yuck.
OP, the hardest thing to do or be, is comfortable being “single”. It’s seen as a dirty word, or that you are incapable.
Make friends, enjoy your time figuring out who you are. The right person will show up, and it will feel like that lost puzzle piece snaps into place. (Still requires work, and attention, but it’s a labor of love, instead of just labor!)
Kudos, and congrats!
I told my friends “that I’ve asked him to do something for a few years now and he hasn’t followed through.”
Lol, I bet your friends now think that it was something sexual! 😂