We’ve been dating since we were both 14 and done a lot together, it didn’t bother me at first as I came pretty close in the first few months of intimacy and I really enjoyed it, however it has gotten to the point where it is frustrating and I’m hearing stories from friends who talk about how amazing they feel. We’ve tried a lot, to the point where l’m close and currently searching to letting someone try and make it happen, which he has already agreed upon, however I’m worried that if it happened with another person that it may completely change my appetite for someone else, even though l’m already in love. I’ve never had an orgasm and really crave the feeling I’ve heard is the best in the world.
24 comments
Have you tried using toys or anything?
This is a we issue, he can if you two work together on what feels best to you in general and while having sex, communicate what you want and desire.
I think this will negatively impact your relationship.
Can you orgasm by masterbating? If not than it’s not something Easley done by others.
I would recommend focusing with your bf and working on ways to get you off.
Toys are always a good start
if you can’t even orgasm by yourself than it’s probably not due to your bfs inability to make you cum, so i doubt a different partner is going to change much. this seems like a mental block more than anything. good luck sis
So basically it ain’t he problem but both of you. Communication is the key
Your bf is cool with you fucking another guy? Lol
The issue is def not him. You can’t even get yourself off, how is he supposed to? My gf in college was 19 when we dated and she had never had an orgasm ever in her life until I gave her one with my fingers. Be patient, be in communication, keep experimenting.
your relationship is probably over if another dude makes you cum.
A different man won’t fix this if you alone with toys cannot obtain one. Sounds like a mental block. Putting to much pressure on what you hope should happen instead of letting it happen.
What have you read about the subject? Have there been any books that have helped you? Maybe a counselor or psychologist that works specifically with sexual issues might help.
If you can’t reach climax by yourself, with toys, then another person getting you there is a BIG ask. I don’t think another partner will help. In fact, another partner may ruin your relationship, explosively or insidiously (if you are in a monogamous relationship with no experience in polyamory, shits tough for “mature” adults)
Help of some kind from an expert, either reading their work or in talking to them, is probably the next step you want to take.
I’m reading in your comments that you’ve never experienced an orgasm before, also not on your own. And because of that, I doubt another man can do the job. Have you tried an air pulse vibrator?
Try a vibe on the clit, by yourself so you aren’t distracted. Maybe check out porn first if it helps you get in the mood.
If you cannot alone, you cannot with a partner.
How is bro cool with letting someone else bone his girlfriend he grew up with 😭
Aight, I’ll help
Hold on, you can’t even cum on your own and blame your boyfriend for not being able to make you cum?
You say you’ve done your best in the comments, do you regularly practice kegel? If not, you didn’t try your best. I had a girlfriend who could squeeze my dick quite hard with her vagina muscles, she practiced kegel regularly, and came from PIV alone almost every time we had sex. Practicing kegel regularly will change your sex life in most scenarios, give it a try.
it would be a good idea to experiment with yourself. exploring your bodies specific desires is something a friend can help you with, but in the end you have to discover it for yourself. what kind of touch stimulates you. where do you have to focus your attention to your body, for how long, what kind of touch?
also, what kind of setting is turning you on? do you feel things when you browse the internet. there are so many different flavors you can take a glimpse at.
(If you dread the idea of masturbating alone, you can ask your bf if you both sit on the couch/bed and masturbate in front of each other. just let him know that you are trying to find your spot.)
not being able to climax has a lot to do with discomfort, distrust, and expectations. make yourself as comfortable as possible. take your time. don’t schedule it between two important tasks. build trust into your own ability to please yourself. after that you can use that confidence as a starting point when having sex with your partner. communicate your findings. try things.
nobody said it was easy to reach the big O. but you’ll hit it off! you’ll see
You are directly plugged in to your own body, with instantaneous feedback on whether what you’re doing is the right or wrong move.
Whether it feels good or not.
And you *yourself* can’t even manage to make yourself cum?
How the fuck is a guy supposed to be able to do so, lacking psychic powers?
Learn how your body works. **By yourself.**
Then pass that knowledge on to him, with the understanding that *words* are a pale comparison to the direct neural connection that you have with your brain-body combo.
Get a vibrator, stat! Learn how to use it on yourself first (I’d say get a clit-only one to start), and then once you have the knack, you can use it when you’re having sex with him. It’s the only way I (and a lot of women) can orgasm during penetration.
Get a good vibrator, either a quality Rabbit or a Hitachi Magic Wand (with the separate speed controller). Get some lube (Astroglide). Set aside some alone time for self pleasure at least every few days. Just focus on the pleasurable feelings not trying to reach orgasm. It will most likely happen through clitoral stimulation, not penetration. Don’t expect your man to make you orgasm by thrusting his penis into you. 85% of women can’t cum that way. Does he lick your pussy and stroke your clit with his fingers? Stop doing penetrative sex for a while and just spend an hour letting him do THAT to you. Relax. It will happen. You’ve developed a pattern of doing the same thing sexually. Talk to him and tell him what feels good. If all of this fails, seek help from a woman, not another man. See if you can find a female that does “happy ending” massages.
This isnt an issue with your BF, this is a you issue.
Acceptance before blame should always be considered.
I (F34) didn’t have my first orgasm until I’d split with my longterm bf of five years. I was 17 when we met (he was 21) and it wasn’t until I was 22 and a friend took me to a sex store and I got my first vibrator that it actually happened. I’ve been with my current partner for over 10 years and it’s taken me some time to really try different things and find what works for me
I recommend looking up the come as you are podcast by Emily Nagoski, she’s has a PhD in Health behaviour with a minor in human sexuality and I know for a fact she did an episode with an adult woman who had never had an orgasm and how to handle that as well as another about how to get to a point where (once you can orgasm on your own) you can orgasm with a partner
If he’s really ok with letting you try it I let my wife have sex with others but we are emotionally only for each other plus I love seeing her pleasured so if he’s cool with it go for it