-Yes I know that I can send a message if I want to talk to you but why do people never send me one…Even a “hi how are you?” Just that an I will be happy.

Edit:I had not realized that I put it as nsfw, lol it was an accident

Edit to the edit:Thank you so much for your answers

35 comments

  2. This is definitely very unhealthy socially, but I’ve learned to just not give a damn. If people don’t have the time to text, then they don’t have the time to text.

    Simple as. If that means no one will ever text me — oh well, it is what it is. Then I just move on with my life to the more important matters.

  3. I hear ya, but try to do it because you want to, not because you’re expecting reciprocity. The joy should come from you actually sending the message and being thoughtful of others. Hope you doing well and have a great day.

  5. Well, why should people message you ? It cannot be because you are lonely and need attention. What are they going to get out of doing so ? Typically, people look for somebody who is confident, fun, interesting to be around, or adds some kind of positive energy or positive vibes. They deduce it from the way you act and carry yourself around them. There are verbal and nonverbal cues that you give off that show you are anxious, unconfident, worrying, overthinking, etc. and they subconsciously deduce you are not that positive person they want to hang out with. For example, being overly quiet and not participating or contributing in past social interactions you had with them. You need to practice putting yourself out there and talking to people in a confident manner.

    Also, people naturally recognize, appreciate, and value you when there is something respectable about you. Do you have skills, talents, hobbies ? Can they impact people ? People subconsciously attach you to the value you bring.

  6. Of course people suck and you don’t want a one sided friendship.

    Realize too that people can be depressed, overwhelmed, busy, emotionally exhausted, stressed, and barely functioning, and at that point maybe they aren’t in the mood to socialize during their free time.

  7. I almost never randomly text friends but I also don’t expect anyone to randomly text me. People just have different expectations, doesn’t mean one or the other is necessarily right or wrong.

  8. I’ve learned that this means that they don’t really care to interact with you. I would stop reaching out.

  10. Then those people do t deserve you.

    U can say then somehow that it will stop if its coming from one side but…

    Find some people that asks thenselfs how u are and than they write to u.

    Its hard but i can recomment that

  11. The real question is do they respond when you do so? Some people aren’t the type to initiate first, although I’ve felt really bad in your shoes, always having to be the one to initiate.

  13. Had a guy I considered a good friend years ago, I grew up running around with him and his brother. We used to talk weekly and I eventually realized I was only ever calling him. I brought it up to him one time when talking, and we laughed about it, the. At the end of the call I said “alright gonna see how long it takes for you to call me!” We both laughed again and said goodbye. That was 9 years ago. His brother actually called me once a few years back when they were passing through town, not to hang out, just to say hi, but yeah still haven’t heard from him. I had hard feelings at first but eventually realized that it really didn’t matter, and he likely had no nefarious intent.

  14. I’ll offer a slightly different perspective. Maybe they really do like you and like your company, but they might also have their own social struggles. “Do they really like me?” “I don’t want to pester them”, etc.

    OPs on this sub aren’t the only ones in a relationship that are are struggling with social skills.

  15. I cant speak for everyone, but if i do it i know someone else out there is gunna be the same way.

    I have a multitude of health issues, and as i learn more about social anxiety, i believe it stems from that. Very often i will think of people i have crossed in my life, friends, family, people i dont associate with anymore, and i wonder about them. It could be something like “oh i wonder how xyz friend is doing, i hope their family is well and they have everything going for them” and it ends there. I never reach out to ask and make sure, or any such thing.

    I dont want to bother people, i also dont want to pop into someones life wanting to have a conversation, and be socially rejected – especially if i continue to be told theyre to busy to have a chat, cause then it looks like they dont want to be social/friendly.

    If you can, change your mindset and reframe your thinking. Instead of why do i always have to be the one who starts the conversation. Think i love my friends, and i want to make sure they’re genuinely doing ok, maybe invite them out for lunch if theyre in a rough spot and want to vent to someone.

    People are strange things and often get caught up in the simplist of things because we live such busy lives on a daily basis. I dont think ive reached out for a conversation outside of my S.O and my mother in years.

  16. This happens with me all the time, it’s always me sending memes, starting jokes, conversations and getting ignored/left on read

    So there’s 2 things I can do, preserve my energy and give it to those who care, OR keep doing it and getting ignored and not get the energy back, I choose to preserve my energy and give back what I receive

    You’ll realise how many people don’t care about you, even close family and friends

  17. I’ve always asked people this and they go “everyone’s busy with life and has their own things going on” and like… I totally get that. No issue there.

    But I see plenty people who have busy friends that still text them first. All the time. And like… I have shit going on in my busy life too. I’m still able to magically ask people how they’re doing tho.

    I feel like a lot of just want to be able to say they have friends, yet they don’t wanna out any effort into actual friendships. Like… I’ve always put in the effort cus I love and support my friends. But it’s really… interesting to see some people put in 0 effort, yet they still wanna call you their friend. Nahhh that ain’t no friend of mine.

  19. I have observed one thing with my online friends that they usually never initiate a conversation but once I texted them first a few times, They became more open and started initiating conversations too. I don’t know if that’s the case with you or you never get texted despite starting conversations a few times.

  20. Same here all the time. Most people I try to keep in touch is from my side. I’m still worried that if I don’t do it, I’m going to lose friends. And you know how much it hurts.

    I would really appreciate if people could understand the issues and be more sensitive to the needs of others. It’s high time we change. Hopefully.

  21. It just means that maybe you need more different people in your life. You don’t have to drop your friends who don’t text back but if you want those kind of friends you can try to find them.

    One thing to realize too is that not sending “how are you” messages doesn’t mean they don’t care. My friends and I don’t text each other that, it’s just not our thing. But we are still good friends.

  22. I was just wondering the same damn thing. Sorry you’re experiencing it, happy to not be alone though

  24. I used to be like you but I completely stopped being the person who texts first, and I got rid of my one sided friendships. I’ll never be the type of person who chases a friendship ever again. Think about it, If they wanted to, they would.

  25. I had to learn the hard way, if someone doesn’t take time out it their day to contact you, you’re not a priority to them.

  26. On top of that, when you decide to stop reaching out to them…they hit you with the “you have changed” line and try to guilt trip into thinking you were the problem

  27. Tends to be my introverted friends who don’t ever reach out first. One friend who doesnt even reply is always so very friendly when we meet irl!

  28. I also realized this a few years back. Im trying to not text these people and see if they text me. They dont. Really only a few did. Those are my friends now. Its mostly people from overseas but I dont mind that as I have my husband oversees too. I love to make connections with people but I was really saddened to see my best friend dissapear because of this. But it is what it is and that how you break up with your friends really. There is no big break up. You just stop talking one day. You will know when the people who actually care about you will come into your life. It took me a few lonely years.

  29. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned throughout my life is to stop worrying so much about how others act and instead focus on being the person I want to be.

    For example:

    – A friend or family member falls ill and is in the hospital and you visit them several times.
    – You fall ill and those same people don’t visit you in the hospital.

    The natural reaction would be to feel bad and ask why didn’t they visit me? Instead, ask yourself, do I want to be the kind of person who visits loved ones when they’re sick? If yes, then do that. Don’t develop a “they didn’t visit me so I’m not visiting them” attitude. Who you are doesn’t need to be contingent upon how someone else behaves. This gives you freedom and control.

    Once I adopted this philosophy life became much better.

    Granted, there is a line that has to get drawn sometimes if you’re being taken advantage of in a one-sided relationship.

  30. “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”

    –Mark Twain

    Now, I’m not saying Mark Twain was the all knowing man of social interactions. But it’s a quote I often fall back on.

  31. we’ve all been here buddy

    soon you will understand that what makes something precious is rarity, not abundance

    so send fewer messages, don’t instanly reply messages and occasionally tell people you are busy and that you will return them shortly

    best of luck

  32. I’m like this too. I’m usually the first to send a message. But I’ve accepted that this is the usual 🙁

  33. One higher level of thinking can be gleaned from the comments on this post taken as a whole.

    (Not speaking to OP directly) Maybe you have a lot of introvert friends because you are, too. Or a majority of your closest friends are the kind of people who themselves think “I’m not gonna text people. They have to text me to show me they actually care or whatever”. Thus, many people all experience the same effect of “no one ever texts me”. When, all along, everybody involved actually loves/cares for each other, but they’re all just waiting on the others to text them…

  34. im the type of person who doesnt reach out only for the fact its a me thing. it has nothing to do with the other person. i always feel like i bother people. i always feel like a burden or annoyance therefore i dont ever hit anyone up first. i also will not be the one fixing things if i did not break it. thats just me, personally.

  35. Coming from someone who has been guilty of this, I’d like to try to shed some light. From my POV of course 😉

    I (40m) feel like I am a completely different person than I was just two weeks ago. The universe has pushed me to my limits and forced me to take that hard look in the mirror. It’s been rough but I realized that my insecurities have been guiding me through life. Afraid to share myself—in order to avoid embarrassment I’ve hid in silence. I’ve bit my tongue, played along, bitched out, compromised my morals, took a back seat and took it right on the chin, every fucking time. I waisted a lifetime of memories and friendships. Im overlooked, under appreciated, disrespected by people I feel I’ve given everything to. And its all my fault. I’ve manifested a life as if I’m in a prison of my own hell and I’ve deserved every second of it. Because that’s what I chose. In fear.

    Where was I 🤔 ah yes, the reason, I personally, have justified not reaching out to people I care about is simply out of fear. Sometimes it’s fear of rejection. “What if they are busy and I catch them at a bad time?” Justified. Or sometimes it’s fear of looking dumb. “What if I call and they’re like, “why are you calling me?” because I never call?” Another justification. Then there’s the comfort zone. “Well they always call me and this has always worked.” Or, “this is just who I am, they know I’m a good person.” So on and so forth. These are just some immediate excuses that came to mind.

    Outside of those justifications I never really thought about it. Never reflected and asked myself how that would make someone I consider close to me feel. Never considered it a problem. even though, when I think about it now I can feel that my conscience was present. But it was muted. Hidden behind a defensive filter to protect my poor little ego.

    I guess the message that I would like to share is one of compassion. Not only compassion for the ones we love that suffer in silence everyday but also compassion for ourselves. It’s not our responsibility to save people from themselves. In fact, it’s impossible. We’ve all manifested the life we have by our history of choices. At the end of the day, what more do we have than a choice 🤷‍♂️ Sometimes walking away is the only way to get something back. Sometimes, it takes the universe to flip your world upside down to inspire change and sometimes, all it takes is a simple truth. A bit of honesty if you will, between you and a friend.

    Follow your gut and don’t take things personal. We are all suffering in our own way ❤️and b kind to yourself

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