I don’t have this problem luckily as frequently as I did as a kid.
However, I’m still plagued by saying the wrong thing at times and mostly this takes the form of making a joke.
I tend to make a lot of jokes around people I’m comfortable with. Back then in high school I also did this and I’ve had people say things how they didn’t like me or “couldn’t tell me anything serious” because they thought I’d make a joke of it.
Of course hearing that horrified me. As a kid/teen I had minimum self awareness which I’m not excusing but it explains why I didn’t really try to change my behavior drastically however, with the responses I’d get from people whenever I’d find myself in a similar situation I’d genuinely feel awful that I made people feel bad.. i honestly don’t have any bad intentions lol it’s really not in my nature to do that. If I did have a problem with someone I just address it or if warranted, avoid them even as a kid I mainly avoided lol.
Nowadays I don’t get these situations as often but still I find myself making a joke that someone may take seriously. I don’t find fault in anyone truthfully and it frustrates me to no end that I recognize this problem but have no efficient way of catching myself
I’ve literally had people tell me they think I’m a jerk etc bc of some of the things I may say or joke about. Which, while hurtful to hear, it mainly hurts me that I wasn’t the friend I should’ve been. Has anyone had any effective ways of stopping and thinking before speaking
I feel like the thoughts form in my head and I just have no filter. On a recent trip, my aunt mentioned this to my mother. She wasn’t mad but noticed it was a behavior I had. I’m in my twenties and it’s genuinely embarassing that I have had that pointed out as well.
I will give myself some credit that I am not saying or going too far with jokes ALL the time but it makes me feel really awful that without realizing I’ve made others feel bad
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I had a similar issue back in college (and it still leaks out a bit today). I preferred jokes that spoke for themselves, rather than putting a giant grin on my face—of course that lead to confusion, people thinking I’m being a genuine asshole, etc.
Your 3 most effective strategies will likely be:
1. Make sure you’re aware of verbal/body-language cues that mark that something is important or sensitive. Nothing says “don’t tell me anything serious” like someone dipping their toes into the subject and getting joked at.
2. Give better vocal/body cues when telling a joke (you didn’t state that people don’t understand if you’re joking, but maybe that’s part of it?)
3. Joke optimistically. Admittedly, the pessimistic side is often easier to think of, but the optimistic side makes people like you more, and can often be surprisingly funnier. For example, if someone lost their résumé:
– **Pessimistic**
– “*Ruh-roh*, better take ‘organization’ off your skills list.”
– “Maybe the universe is just telling you you’re not ready for a job yet.”
– “Oh yea, someone from a nuclear lab showed up—your résumé was so bad that it was emitting radiation and needed to be properly disposed of.”
– **Optimistic**
– “Well, once you find it, you’ll be able to add ‘explorer’ to your skills list.”
– *into wrist* “Alright everyone, SEARCH PARTY, we have a missing résumé, I repeat, *missing résumé*, everyone on deck, drop everything until we find it”
– “Maybe the companies collectively stole it, and there’s eight people in business suits around a conference room table arguing over who gets you on their team.”
– Granted, this requires #1 and #2. If someone is leaving for their interview in 5 minutes, or you know they’ve been stressed about finding a job, not one of these will land.
4. If you realize you may have gone too far, go for damage control. Probably not “I was only kidding” but maybe more “I’m sorry, I was joking and took it too far”.
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As with all things, you’ll need tools to actually implement any of this. Do end of day/week evaluations on your progress, use reminder alarms/notes/wallpapers/etc, whatever you need to do that isn’t “I read the information, I am magically better now”.
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^(This post comes included with a grain of salt, FREE OF CHARGE. You might not be cured after this, but people might invite you to more parties.)
^^Parties ^^not ^^included.