Tldr: my girlfriend lied about wanting me physically and our sex life is in shambles, should I stay with her?
Me (M18) and my gf (f18) have been dating for over 2 years and we still both love eachother very much.
So where’s the problem you might ask?
When we started dating we were obviously very physical (age of consent in the UK is 16 and we’re both sensible about contraception and stuff, I always made sure she knew that nothing was expected and that her feelings were very important to me) and later into our relationship this tapered off which is obviously to be expected when the honeymoon period fades.
The problem I had was that about 12 months in, the sex became around every month and a half, and now it’s around every 2 months. I’ve talked with her about this and at first she said it was just contraceptives’ effect on her hormones and her medication which I believed at the time and because I love her and respect her wishes I carried on despite how much it bothered me.
After a few more months It was brought up again and she admitted that she was never really that sexual of a person and that despite how I told her how much nothing was expected of her, she said she “put herself in uncomfortable situations” to “impress me”. The way she phrased it upset me so badly because I didn’t realise the whole time that she wasn’t into it and before I was reassured by friends and her that she still chose to do this, I felt like some sort of predator or sex-pusher.
I was heartbroken after that and my friends told me to breakup with her because we weren’t compatible but I still love her and want to be with her. This is where my dilemma comes in: I’m a fairly sexual person and it does really bother me that we don’t have sex very often, I don’t feel as intimate with her anymore and whenever we do have sex it’s not the same as it used to be.
It makes perfect sense for me to breakup with her and everyone I’ve asked has said something similar and yet,
I still love her to pieces, she makes me so happy to be with her and moreover I absolutely adore her family. I get on so well with her dad (M50?)and her brother (M15)is like my little brother.
I’ve been thinking about this for months and I’m at a loss as to what to do, what do you guys think?
4 comments
Maybe you could stay friends after a period of silence to recover? But this relationship is incompatible. And I am so sorry. Life hurts very badly sometimes.
At 18 it is time to move on. Tbh you have both got bored with each other but are trying to make it work. Can you remain friends…well, grieve first then see.
its ok to love her but you need to love yourself more if you ever want to be happy in life. shes not meeting your needs. sure nobodys owes anyone sex but when a partner says they arent happy then you work through it together honestly and you try hard to make a good compromise that makes both of you happy. you both need to communicate honestly or things arent going to work out.
you may have to face the fact that you might just be friends and thats ok. you have a whole life ahead of you, dont get caught up on one person that you are compatible with. its ok to let go, theres no bad guy here, just a situation that isnt working for you two anymore. its going to be ok.
If her celebrity crush was wanting to have sex with her, I have a feeling that her sex drive would turn on all of a sudden.
My point is that you need to adjust what you think about this situation. This whole “I’m just not a sexual person” is her way of trying to tell you that whatever you’re doing isn’t sexually attractive to her. This often comes after a year or so in young relationships if you become too safe or boring compared to how you were early on with things.