I (29M) went out with this girl (25F) We connected instantly and she spent the night, but after telling her I canceled a date to go out with her, she disclosed that she had a first date pre-planned with another guy who her friend set her up with. They went out and she chose to move forward with him. (which sucks but it happens).
Over the next couple of days, we ended up hanging out a TON over facetime and once in person (didn’t do anything physical). We felt uniquely comfortable being vulnerable around each other, but we stopped talking when things progressed with the other guy. She said she was more emotionally connected and physically attracted to me (she called it a heart bond) but she had a gut feeling about the other guy.
A week passed by and I told her I needed to block her on social media/phone for a while because it wasn’t healthy for me to keep following her. During that convo, we ended up chatting on facetime for 6 hours and she mentioned how she saw some red flags with this guy (jealous and a bit controlling) and disclosed that she might see more of a future with me.
Either way, I needed space to clear my head, and we agreed to talk in a month (which she was very eager to do).
3 weeks go by and my friend checks her Instagram. She already has 3 posts with her now boyfriend. One is of them kissing, another is a reel of 5 photos/videos of them kissing/taking selfies and the last is a Christmas photo. They’ve only been dating 5 weeks…
1) I totally get that relationships progress and feelings change.
2) I get that we were never dating and I didn’t know her for that long.
3) I have been and am continuing to go on my own dates.
That being said, we seemed to have shared a strong connection, and to have that many lovey-dovey posts 5 weeks into their relationship makes me sad. If she posted these 2-3 months down the line, I would probably digest it better.
Can anyone make sense of this for me?
TLDR: O.L.D. sucks :T
9 comments
Time to move on
If she is more motionally connected to you and more physically attracted to you, then the other guy must be filthy rich, because I can’t understand what he might have that is better than those two very important things for a good relationship.
Unless she lied, idk
That really sucks. Ultimately only she can answer those questions. Most people are going to say that she did the same as you – she did what was best for her. However my theory would be that she actually didn’t want to lead towards picking you. She was leaning towards picking the other guy as it was. She just wanted to use you to hopefully have an easier time getting there. And in the end, she basically found a way to get there anyways.
I have no way of knowing that, again just a theory. And I say that because if she truly had red flags about the guy, those red flags existed whether you were in the picture or not. If he was wrong for her he was already wrong for her. The only thing that would have been different had you stuck around would have been that she would have gone out with you a few times more, maybe posted a picture or two, and then gone cold. After a few days she would have come into contact and said that she was going to pursue him and thanks for your time.
I guess it’s time to move on, else she will be emotional rollercoaster for you… I am not sure what her intention is, but you need to find a new partner who deserves you.
She needs to make her mind up. Take a step back and, focus on your life and distance yourself. She will just keep having her cake and eat it if you’re available to her.
It sounds like she kept you on the hook in case things with the other guy don’t work out. She only tells you what you need to hear to stay invested.
That is awful behavior on her part. Don’t let a woman have that kind of power over you. People like that do not deserve your (or anyones) time.
She kept you as a backup plan. Wtf is a heart bond but she then chooses to “go with her gut”? Know your worth, friend. If this woman comes crawling back to you in a month or two and you allow her back in, you are going to be in for a world of hurt.
This is why I think it’s so important to stay out of the friendzone. I think the mistake you made was not taking a step back sooner. You should have stepped back, and been honest with her about the reason why, as soon as she communicated she was moving forward with the other guy: “Hey, I’m really into you, but I totally want to respect your decision to move forward with the other guy, so I think I’m going to take a step back. I’d love to hear from you if you ever want to reconnect, but I’d probably still be interested in you romantically.” That makes your position clear, puts the ball in her court, and makes no ambiguity about the pretense under which future communication will occur. That said, my experience is that’s easier said than done.
She was never yours bro. Delete her from your social media and move on.