I’m (33M) close to a recently divorced coworker (36F) at work (we only met after the divorce), I help her with work when I can. I download movies for her and her daughter and help her get switch games on the cheap. I’m helpful with everyone so this is nothing out of the ordinary. But I noticed she does everything she can to be on the same projects as me. She often leans on my desk when I explain stuff, not gonna lie this gives me butterflies when she does that, sometimes I get red when she does it and she says it’s cute.
Other male coworkers are flirting with her but she rejects them, she even reported one of them to HR (it was warranted ofc) and I always supported her decisions on this matter.
She has custody of her daughter (8 years old) this week and she asked me to go bowling with her and her daughter. (Also her ex is a high ranking guy at my company). It would only be the 3 of us. It would be the first time we see each other outside of work. This is a bit rushed, no ? I’m completely lost I have to admit.
(I don’t have any children of my own yet)
(I only had one relationship so far that ended after 9 years from 16 to 25, because of in laws)
* From an outside perspective what do you make of this?
* I’m afraid I could lose my job if I date her since her ex hates her. Being close to her at work already made my workplace more toxic because some coworkers are jealous.
* I was raised by my mother only, never met my father. I remember not liking men dating my mom. Good chance her daughter sees me as someone trying to replace her dad and hate me too, no?
* When we talk of something outside of work it’s mostly about stuff for her daughter, the bowling is mainly to entertain her daughter too. I feel like she might be looking for a surrogate father more than a partner/lover?
* I might be misreading the whole situation and she’s just looking for a friend? (she doesn’t know anyone in this city).
12 comments
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Tell her that you’re interested, but you’d like to go out one on one a couple times first to see how you connect outside of work before meeting her daughter, just in case.
It would be sad if her daughter adores you but you don’t feel a connection.
If she hasn’t told you she likes you or is interested in a relationship, don’t make assumptions. Especially because you work with her professionally.
As far as the story goes and as you said, she may just be very friendly to you
If she doesn’t know anyone in that city, maybe she invited you to go with her and her daughter because she doesn’t have a babysitter?
It’s possible that she sees you as a romantic prospect but wants to be transparent about how her daughter us very important in her life and they come as a team.
Don’t assume it’s actually a date, just go and try and get a read for the vibe. Being a single mom is hard, getting babysitting is hard. You can go and just be a good guy and have fun bowling. She could literally just be going bowling with her daughter and think it would be fun to bowl with you too since you get along at work.
I’m a stepdad so I’ve been in your situation, I love my stepdaughter but the whole idea scared the hell out of me when we started dating. It certainly seems like she likes you, but assuming her daughter is going to hate the idea of her dating someone or she’s looking for a dad right away is putting way too much on one experience.
Go, have fun, enjoy bowling. You’ll very quickly figure out the vibe.
Dont shit where you eat.
In all honesty, this sounds like your coworker sees you as a trusted friend and its more platonic than anything. I would go bowling, be great to the kid, and just enjoy yourself. Nothing has to be decided then and there.
Actively avoid looking too far into anything and just be open to listening to her. I think you will end up seeing more of her attitude towards you than you realize when you put any worries aside and just be present with her
This sounds like a platonically based outing. She may still have feelings for you, but wants to spend some friendly time outside of work regardless.
Of course, all of us here are just speculating. Give it a shot, see how it goes 🙂
So she works at the same company as her ex who she left because he was violent and abusive and he holds a high ranking position in the company over her? How messed up in the head is she???
Ordinarily I’d say it’s a friendly hangout, maybe more, just go and see what shakes down.
But your friendship is ALREADY causing issues at work. Either say no, or move on from the job. There’s other friends to make. Other people to date. You’ve only had 1 relationship so you’re spiraling and fixating on what this is already, it can only go tits up from here. Especially since work is already an issue. You could also be putting yourself, her and her daughter into a dangerous situation.
Stay away.
Parents aren’t supposed to let their kids meet dates until 6 months. If she thinks of you as a potential date, she’s showing poor boundaries and rushing things.