Let’s say you meet this guy/girl and they tick all the reasonable boxes for a perfect partner, but they don’t drink. Zero alcohol. They don’t have *any* problem with you drinking, will happily accompany you and friends on a night out, and have no issues being a constant DD. Is the fact that they themselves don’t drink *at all* a dealbreaker for you?
ETA: Thank you everyone for your continued input! I replied to as many as I can for now. Time to Christmas it up around here! Whatever you do or even whether you do celebrate, I wish you a lovely day with friends and family…drinking or not drinking safely, responsibly, and with great enthusiasm.
28 comments
The chance to have a designated driver every time?
And you’re questioning it?
Why would it be? Surely it’s better coz they’ll be healthier
Nope. It’s their choice and they’re not inflicting it on you so why would it be a problem?
I don’t understand why this might even be considered to be a dealbreaker. That says a lot more about you than your significant other. He/she is not judging your choice to drink, but you’re judging his/her choice not to? Guess what’s wrong with that picture?
Not at all. Been in this situation a few times with previous partners. I have always been a big drinker, I enjoy it and it will always be in my life, providing it is within reason. Granted, you will be on a different wave length when you are 9 drinks deep…but the real question is, can they cope with you being drunk?
Why on earth would that be a dealbreaker? Fair enough if they go around all the time judging people for drinking and keep making a big deal about the fact that they don’t drink. But in my experience, it’s often the people who DO drink who make a big deal out of anyone who doesn’t because they can’t imagine how someone couldn’t go without alcohol.
People don’t drink for many reasons: religious, health, past experiences either from themselves or seeing others being harmed by alcohol, or simply that they don’t want to. All of those are completely fine and are in no way a reason to not be in a relationship with someone.
Why should it be? Far healthier, less likely to become an arsehole and throw up in shop doorways.
I find it vaguely perturbing how abnormal we in the UK perceive non drinkers.
Only if the main form of socialising for the couple was thought to be going out drinking. For some people going to the pub and having a few, or real ale tasting, or a gin club, or clubbing; are their hobbies. If there’s no other shared interest then I could see why it would be a deal breaker.
Otherwise I can’t see the issue at all. I don’t drink, my partner does (albeit not very often, weddings and the odd post-work drinks etc); doesn’t cause any issues for us 🙂
This would only be questionable if your partner is trying to impose no alcohol on you but as you’ve started she isn’t, so why are you questioning this?
How is not drinking a problem??
I think your looking at things from a very wrong angle.
Alcohol generally equals issues.
Not that other way around
Depends why they don’t drink, and their general attitude.
If they’re allergic or it’s health or even religious, fair enough.
If it’s a moral objection, that’s also potentially fine.
Just depends on if they’re going to frown on your drinking, or lecture.
I’d happily partner up with an easy going vegetarian, but not one who launched into a tirade every time someone around them was eating meat.
no water is more of a deal breaker for me.
You need your priorities sorting if it would be a deal breaker
None issue for me. I’m the non-drinker 😂
I was spiked a few years ago whilst out and it really frightened me so I’ve not touched alcohol since
No I’d like a non drinking partner, more present and no drunken idiocy
I wouldn’t say it’s a dealbreaker at all. It’s interesting to see some comments that say drinking is part of our culture and that those who don’t drink aren’t taking part socially. I think there’s confusion between ‘drinking’ alcohol and ‘drinking’ anything with friends.
I went dry this year but I still managed to maintain my social life through drinking…non-alcoholic beers, soft drinks etc. In fact because I don’t get hangovers anymore I actually socialise a lot more now through the act of drinking in pubs, bars etc. All my mates drink alcohol and it doesnt bother them at all that I’m drinking something different to them – why would it? I still socialise, we all still have a laugh and I’m still part of the group.
My spouse doesn’t drink. It’s always nice to have a designated driver. On occasion, I do think it would be nice to have someone to share a bottle of wine with. But overall, it doesn’t bother me.
The not drinking wouldn’t be an issue, I’ve dated people in the past who seldom drank. I enjoy a glass of wine and a night out, but it’s not something I base my life around.
However, if it was someone who’d turned non-drinking into their entire personality I’d avoid them like the plague … in the same was I avoid preachy vegans, MLM marketers and Jehovah’s Witnesses.
You just described me. I don’t drink, would have no issue with a partner drinking (within reason, I couldn’t be with someone who needs to drink every day to the point of being drunk every evening, but that would be more alcoholism than drinking). If someone would have a problem with it, as in pressuring me to drink ‘to fit in’ or teasing me for it or getting annoyed for it I’d be the one leaving, that kind of controlling behaviour is a red flag for abuse.
Not at all. I’d choose a non drinker over a daily pisshead
My friends love that I don’t drink alcohol. I’m the designated driver 😂😂
Wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me, as I rarely drink alcohol.
It would be a deal breaker if someone drank too much.
Um.. no. Not a dealbreaker for me.
When I drank I dated a girl who didnt drink, and I never accepted that as it seemed abnormal to me. It felt like she was refusing to engage.
Now I’m teetotal, and the idea of drinking to excess is repellant. I just can’t be arsed being around people who are drunk, and I hate the ‘banter’. Drunk chat is mostly people shouting at each other.
I much prefer to meet mates in coffeehouses, and have a better quality of conversation.
I suppose it’s just down to me shifting where I am over time, but I feel like big drinkers and teetotallers have pretty different outlooks, and are unlikely to work as a couple.
The question is backwards. You’re the one with a vice. Not them. It’s whether they don’t mind you drinking.
Imagine asking the same question about doing drugs or an open relationship… you’re the one with the need for something that could cause a rift, not them.
Anyway, to answer your question.
I drink and my partner doesn’t. It hasn’t affected our relationship. Maybe I drink less but not in anyway where I felt like I couldn’t, she will tell me to go out and enjoy it or she will come with me and have non-alcoholic drinks. It just doesn’t feel restrictive in any way.
Also, my uncle doesn’t drink. And my aunt is very happy. They’ve got one of the strongest marriages I know. She enjoys a good drink and he will usually have a soft drink but enjoys being with everyone.
One of my exes didn’t drink. I rarely drink. So, no, why would it be a deal breaker? If someone has to drink to ‘enjoy’ themselves then that’s not very good. Actually a partner who went out and got so drunk they were a problem or abusive is far worse than not drinking.
Why would them not drinking be an issue. Firstly, nominated driver always available. Secondly, Id personally rather that, then them being a party animal.
My ex drank a fair amount and we had a very toxic relationship. Would rather this scenario.
A non-drinker here.
I don’t drink, as I don’t really like the flavour of alcohol and I would rather drink something I prefer the taste of which costs less. I have no moral objections to alcohol at all and absolutely love going to the pub with my mates and would never moralise about drinking. My close friends are all cool with me not drinking and my fiancée doesn’t mind the fact I don’t drink at all too. I’m always the designated driver and I’m happy to help.
With that said, I am amazed by how many drinkers seem affronted by the fact people don’t drink. Having done the dating apps in the distant past, I can confirm there are a massive number of people who take umbrage to people not drinking when looking for a partner. Similarly, at university, a number of acquaintances tried to intentionally spike any drink they bought for me with alcohol (my diet coke always became a diet coke with vodka when I was on a night out with some people) in an attempt to make me drink. When I called them out on this, they just kind of shrugged and said something like “I did it to see if you would like drinking”. Consent is important, folks.