I don’t do social life. It’s not that I want to, I’d love to but Im stupid like that, stupid enough to not be able to talk to others easily. I have an obsession over getting invited to parties. The problem is I’m not invited to parties. So if I don’t even get invited to parties it talks about how stupid and useless I am. I’m on “happy pills” but they never work so, well yeah… I just want help but nothing helps. I even asked “Santa” for social skills but of course… it just wont.
3 comments
I can’t stand someone struggling this hard on Christmas. Let’s point you in the right direction, shall we?
I’ll keep it simple and stick to two main points.
First, you and many others confuse social skills with social confidence. You can have terrible social skills and extroverted at the same time. Think of a little kid that talks to everyone, but doesn’t really say anything. Yeah these type of people are socializing, but they may also have trouble finding friends.
Let me clue you in on the most important skill next to simple confidence – Active Listening. You see people use this skill mostly at stores. When someone takes your food order, they repeat it back to make sure they took the order down correctly.
Why is that a useful social skill you ask? Well it makes people think you are paying close attention to them, which makes them feel special. It also gives you extra time to think of thoughtful responses, since you slow down the conversation. More importantly though, you never accidentally skip over a topic that interest the other person because you are always repeating back what they say. Active listening shows that you care about the other person and leads to interesting conversations.
For example, let’s say you meet someone from Australia. You could ask them if they have held a koala. Oh they don’t like animals? Well I hear Australia has great surfing, what do you think? Oh you don’t like leaving the house, well what kind of music do you like?
This example points out another way to approach active listening. When you are listening intently to what another person says, you find so many things to talk about.
I challenge you to try this – when you meet new people, find out as much as you can about them. Dont tell them about yourself or your interests unless they ask. Most people love talking about themselves, you’d be surprised how easy it is to hold a conversation if you only focus on the other person.
I also sense a little social anxiety coming from you, so don’t think of it as connecting to the other person. Don’t try to form bonds, just get to know other people until you get used to active listening.
Hope that helps!
Parties aside, socializing with people just takes practice. I’m 30 and I still have a hard time with it. The anxiety is almost always over nothing and afterwards I’m glad I did it. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you’ll get there!!!
Being 15 and sucking at socializing is like being 15 and sucking at driving… this is something most 15 year olds have had little practice with and are generally no good at. Every other 15 year old feels the same way you do. They try to play it off like they’re not self-concious… they go far out of their way to seem cool and aloof and engaged but they all are scrolling reddit for people skills and conversation topics to satiate their insecurities. This gets better in your 20s and never really goes away… just be yourself