I am seeing an incredible guy right now. I do belive he is my soul mate and I want to be with him for the rest of my life.
There is one issue though, that I am not sure how to deal with.
I am friends with like, 3 of my ex’s – the past with them was over significant periods of my life, and we are vry dear to one another, still give each other advice and care for each other. One of them has feelings for me, but we have been friends since childhood and chat weekly, just simple hello, how are you’s etc.
My current partner does not like me friends with ex’s, nor does he like the idea of me having male friends, he is only okay with me having female friends and this is because of something that happened in the past.
I have began distancing myself from people, but this hard because there is 1 guy I had a little emotional LDR type fling with and we have been friends for over a decade. I will miss him if he we stop talking but NOT in a romantic way.
I love my partner, and i know he is the one for me, but I don’t know how to handle cutting people out of my life, even people I have had a crush on, he is uncomfortable with me being friends with. He is not friends with any of ex’s and said that if I can be okay with him hanging out with his ex’s and other women, then he will be okay with me being friends with my ex’s or old flames (which tbh, it would be okay depending on the context and how they are hanging out and if I get to meet the person, and how they treat me).
He is amazing and treats me like a queen. I do not want to lose him and will do anything in my power to keep our relationship strong, this is just one thing that I really don’t know how to deal with esp because then I really won’t have friends.
Any advice would be appreciated.
24 comments
Double standards are never a good sign but you really like this guy.
I think what would be best is to understand and listen to his tales of betrayal. There must always be healthy boundaries for a relationship to work. Reassure him that these men you speak to are not love interests or crushes. If they are in any way then I suggest really assessing yourself before entering a relationship.
Let him know you’re not engaging in flirty texts or meeting old flames or new men behind his back. You can even invite him out to meet your friends.
Basically you both need to be on the same page of what is appropriate or not. See where there is compromise. Once final negotiations are on the table you must decide if that’s a good deal for you and either stay or walk away.
Deal breaker for me. Having any communication with an ex is grounds to terminate the relationship
Talk to him and address his concerns, but you should be allowed to be friends with who you want to be. He’s telling you he doesn’t trust you, and that is not a good foundation for a relationship. Yes, he may have been betrayed in the past, but not by you and it’s not fair of him to project his issues into you.
In my experience, the girls I dated that still talked to their exes went back and slept with them 9/10. It’s a normal worry to have. I’m not saying change your life for anyone, but if this is really your “soulmate” listening to his concerns and putting his worries to rest should be one of your top priorities. Good relationships are built on trust and communication.
I can understand why he doesn’t want you to be friends with your exes. It’s not that he doesn’t trust you personally. Imagine if he had these girls he slept with, and he keeps them around. It’s just that feelings for exes never fully disappear. You once found them attractive and things can happen. These exes could also try to drive you apart.
he has no women friends 🚩
doesnt want you to have male friends 🚩
dump them. you dont need that insecurity in your life.
If he told you he doesn’t want you to have any male friends I wouldn’t doubt he’s the type to go through your phone or try to control your life. Good luck.
You literally have a friend who still has feelings for you. You realize he’s an orbiter waiting for his chance to slide in? He’s not really your friend and may try to sabotage your relationship.
How would you feel if he had a ex girlfriend hanging around he knew had feelings for him and was waiting for her chance to hook up again?
I don’t mind if my girl friend has male friends or talks to ex’s. I would not be ok with her hanging out with her ex’s. I think you have think very hard about these relationships you have and decide if they are worth being single over.
Leave the past behind or be forever questioned.
Evidently your partner is insecure and jealous. He also obviously thinks that your male friends will hump your leg every chance they get. Finally, he fails to recognize you as an independent person with your own friends outside of your mutual social circle or that you’re entitled to conduct your life as you see fit. In other words, he thinks of you as his property and he feels entitled to control who you are allowed to associate with. Any more red flags you’d like me to point out???
Having gut friends is fine, but hanging out with ex? I wouldn’t be cool with that.
I remember also asking my then GF (now wife) not to keep on contact with her exes. I also remember offering the same, though I hadn’t really kept in contact with my exes lol. She didn’t think it was a red flag nor controlling behavior, (hence we still being together) and maybe it’s a bit old-fashioned on my part, but I think that, no matter how much “in good terms” a relationship ended, a new partner isn’t gonna like their partner still speaking or keeping in touch with an ex, or several exes.
That doesn’t mean either can’t meet other people, like work acquaintances and all that. But an ex is someone you had a specific, emotional, physical and intimate connection to. An ex is not “just a friend” you know from X years back.
Lmfao ur a walking red flag as is ur partner. I reckon u keep all ur exes even the ones who know you like you in the back pocket as a safety in case this relationship fails or you get bored with it (cushioning is the term i believe?) Ur partner is a red flag for not wanting you to have male friends. He is in the right about cutting off exs unless you have kids with em etc. But defs wrong and massive red flag to suggest you should have no male friends
Tell him to put a ring on it. Then cut those people out. They are just waiting for a chance with you.
You’re friends with a previous romantic partner that still has feelings for you…. He’s waiting for you and him to break up before he pounces and you don’t see a problem with that????
you are friends with multiple individuals that you was romantically involved with and than call the last one of them your soulmate LMAO
girl you’re full with 🚩🚩🚩
he deserves so much better
Look bruh you should never be friends with ex or crush when in a relationship, first off how would you feel if it was him with the exs and crush and you were him, probably feel like shit and would want him to stop talking to them. I don’t get why people want to be friends with there exs, there an ex for a reason right? Like move on fuck that person you found someone better. My parents where never friends with there exs they just moved and found each other. I really don’t get that shit about still being friends with an ex, we don’t like each other anymore and we’re better as friends like stfu 🤣🤣 that’s the dumbest shit I have ever heard
You have male friend’s and you have a man who can potentially be a life partner. What is the choice?
There is no such thing as a soul mate. Let go of made up ideologies and you can make logical choices. #1 a friend who still likes you in that way, desiring you, has to go. The other friends should not be an issue. Anyone who says otherwise is emotional and not logical and is justifying toxicity. If you have legitimate friends who just so happen to descend from old relationships, so be it. People who treat you amazing then make you cut people out of your life, tend to do so systematically. First friends, then family. Then they become monsters. Worked with domestic violence cases for years.
“I take current relationship advice from a guy who wants me single so he can try and be with me”
Do you see why someone dating you wouldn’t like this?
if he doesn’t want u having ANY friends of the opposite sex, that’s a problem.