Dear redditors
I met this wonderful girl, she is sweet and good looking. We met for some time ago and only recently began “texting heavenly” which also involved into flirting. Here comes the catch though, she recently opened up to me and said she suffers from depression/ anxiety, so it makes it hard for her (some days) to find joy and excitement in life.
Initially, at first, I was like “not a big deal” because she does not act like she is depressed at all. She is so sweet to me, asks about my day, sends me heart emojis, flirts etc. I once asked her out on a date and she agreed, which was wonderful. The communication thereafter was also splendid, until she two days before our date had to cancel it. She followed up the text with “I have too much going on mentally and I hope you understand”. I totally understood that and simply replied “Okay, take your time, have a great day” which she read and never replied to.
A few days before this, she also said to me she will be all alone New Years Eve, which I personally find really saddening because she is such a sweet human being and don’t deserve to be all alone, especially on New Years Eve.
I feel sad for her, and wondered if I should invite her out on New Years Eve, maybe go to a restaurant? Perhaps I should just cut the contact completely? What is your thought about dating someone with depression/ anxiety? I don’t want to go into a relationship if that means all of her problems becomes mine and in turn turns me depressive. Is this arrogant of me thinking like this? Let me hear your thoughts.
32 comments
I’d say don’t date her. The fact that you are even considering means you don’t like her enough. I hate to break it to you but everyone has mental health issues and I’m sure you have your own issues. This girl deserves someone who isn’t going to question if he even wants her in the first place.
Sounds like she could use a friend more than a boyfriend atm.
Best not to date anybody with severe or chronic mental health issues that you know you have no desire to risk getting caught up in.
Same applies to those with severe and chronic physical health issues, dysfunctional relatives they keep contact with or unstable lifestyles.
You don’t want any of this in a partner or relationship. Good luck!
People with no friends are red flags – speaking from experience
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I stopped reading at sweet and good looking. My answer is yes.
I think forvet about her many people dont hava courge to finished relationship
Met and dated a girl last year who struggled with anxiety. When we met things weren’t great but not bad. I quickly fell in love with her and her anxiety got worse. She broke my heart when she needed to focus on herself. I gave her the space she needed and I hope she’s doing better. Anxiety makes it really hard to have a relationship.
Yeah please don’t date this girl of you’re happy she hasn’t seemed “depressed/ anxious” around you. She should be with someone who’s there for her on the good days, and the not so good days.
For your own sanity, don’t pursue her, she’s single for that reason! No, you can’t change it. She will suck the life out of you
Dating someone is not a contract.
She is open and honest about her issues. You cannot know how they would affect you and eveb if someone does not have a health issue now it does not guarantee they wont.
If you like her company, just spend time. If it gets too heavy for you you are always allowed no to have a relationship or break up. I think you are overthinking this.
I think the last thing the girl probably wants is a pity date. It sounds like that’s a pity date. Also depressed n Anxious person would probably prefer something more low-key and not a busy public place. Idk maybe find out where the best spot to catch midnight fireworks- catch a movie or something afterwards at your place or hers. Or just coffee or a drink or something to get to know each other a bit more. Couple hours is what I’m saying.
Definitely give it some more thought. If you don’t think you’re going to be able to get a lot of work
My girlfriend needs her space some times, though she loves me, we’re able to be our own person.
So ima help with this whole entire situation right now. Ayo check it bro, you gonna do whatever you want either right? No matter what anyone says. But ima put you and everybody in this onto something real quick! Your young homie…how old is this girl? I’ll take a guess.. definitely older and probably in some sort of supervising role in the same company you work for. Or you met on indeed. So before I go any further. You get wiser with age, right? So they say….here’s where things get interesting, ready? The user that last commented with the huge paragraph that was
more about their past relationship and I mean their last very relationship probably ever. Had anxiety and depression….and I’m just really poking the stick here. Because the way they ended said last relationship, on numerous occasions has led there previous lover to week long hospitalizations and hanging onto life numerous times in the very short amount of time they have been “separated”. There’s two enormous reasons for her to say she has those mental health problems. Her last relationship as I’m sure she has told you and everyone. Ended very abruptly and with some sort of legal matter…I’m I correct so far? So with that said….those issues stem from the fact that they were false accusations and she knows that. As do the 4 lawyers and 3 other county officials that have been following this very closely for the past few weeks. Might be her, it might not. If I’m correct this chic used to have tons of friends. And exactly like you said they were mostly guys. The same guys that her former lover begged her to not talk to outside of work and after hours so to speak. She could also be a pathological liar….and I mean this all in the very lightest form of even attempting to say these two people are the same. But if they are that big paragraph and this is what’s gonna cook your very computer literate mind. Ready for it? There’s your new years chick talking herself up for you. I’ll just add a little tiny piece. Call it the cherry on top, but she might be a little skits out recently and not really have many friends anymore…..like I said I could be wrong here. Or a thousand percent right. We’ll see how much access she has to my device after I post this. But it was 61/2 year relationship. Engagement, talk of marinate and kids. They made love the day before. Then she didn’t try….she erAsed him the next day of ever existing not only in her life. But any form of life or will, family or friend. Job, bank account, vehicles that were jointly under both of their names before she took him off the same day her lie may have left him not just to die. But so far from what it seems from his legal team and the three counties surrounding….is her into was to make him die. A really psychologically disgusting and evil game to a very well known in this area, very well educated former marine who comes from a background of abuse. Oh and she’s not checking notifications from tinder or anything. They are notifications from what his devices are doing at the time. I’m sure your very well versed in the programs they use in her company like cloudflare and aws and all. But here’s the bigger kicker of em all. Her ex was addict. Still is…he struggles with it everyday. Something she could never let him live down. A problem that she created as well. But even though right now he’s hardly with us….nothing he caused btw. Just got too cold with no one and nowhere to go, on Christmas Eve. And if this is that these two people are the same. I mean talk about ironic right? Anyone know what a methanphetamine is? I bet ya when she’s not on a date with you. She’s paling around with her other tall, married, new “friend” that supplies most of 40 mile area where’s she’s from with the stuff. Hey but I could be wrong….I’d probably stay away if I was you. I mean connecting the dots it only makes sense. And I’m new to this but this whole Reddit thing is kinda of cool. Especially when my clients fiance…because they never actually broke anything off; comments or starts a thread anywhere on hereand it has to with defaming his character in any way, shape, or form…or ruining the image he is struggling to rebuild. Furthermore stringing out the lies… I get a notification on my desktop which screen records everything. And stores hard copies to 3 separate forms of law enforcement. Guess we better hope, your new years girl, that last paragraph, and my clients suspect number 1. Are all just a big coincidence….? Because like you said you’ve been heavenly texting for awhile…I mean she had to learn the source coding somehow. So yeah man hopefully these are all different woman all wxtrem similarities and stories. I mean timeline wise….and just putting this in retrospect. Like i said, could all be just ironic. Just say this is the same petite, curvy, brunette that let me just say hopefully you weren’t intimate with. Because to my client’s knowledge, since she’s never said a single word since I love you baby, text you when I get to work…are still engaged. And if you’ve been “talking” romantically in any way for over a week and half…let’s just say if there the same people I’d cut ties immediately. That’ll just help solidify a lot of things.
Hmmmm
I am a girl with both depression and a serious genetic anxiety disorder (and mostly male friends. I won’t argue about it but my reason is I have a very tomboy esc personality and like to game online. Most of my hobbies are more male oriented. All things that mean making male friends is a bit easier than finding a female friend). I’ve never made my emotions my partners problem but it does come with some level of care. There are days I can’t motivate to do anything and prefer to be alone. My partner offers me things to do but let’s me be. If it’s been going on for a long time he pushes me a bit to go out with him and usually it helps me perk up a bit.
As for anxiety mine can come with some limitations but I also am a very serious case. Even then he just let’s me talk about my fears and occasionally I’ve learned I can ask or trust him to tell me if they are silly or not.
I can only talk from my own experience and everyone’s different, but dating while suffering from depression/anxiety is very tough. Because with anxiety comes overthinking, constant reassurance, sometimes wanting/needing space from everyone, can seem clingy other days, mood changes, sudden changes in plans etc.
It may not be a dance on roses at all times and you mentioned that her having a lot of guy friends is a red flag for you. That also could end up with conflicts.
Just keep this in mind. I do not know how severe her mental health is, but people who do suffer from this can be harder to understand because our head is our worst enemy sometimes.
However, all you two can do is sit down and talk about things. It’s all about communication and trust.
I’m friends with a girl who has anxiety and depression and she experiences problems with guys because they don’t wanna dare her due to her MH. She’s very good looking and a warm soul.
Me and her are purely friends and I was there for her through a lot of serious life events. We both support each other; I have anxiety/depression too and I think that if you like this girl it shouldn’t matter one bit. Just my opinion.
I do think it’s a bit dismissive to reject a girl due to anxiety/depression; two of the most common ailments of all time! Your going to be rejecting a lot of people…it largely depends on how supportive you want to be; but I think if you like someone you would do so.
If you can’t be there and support her; do her a favour and cut your losses. Don’t put you and her in the position of heartbreak. You’ll only get in deeper the more or continues.
I am also a beautiful funny outgoing kind loyal chick.. I can meet new people n have a great personality.. but I suffer from anxiety n depression.. how she behaved,as u described,is exactly how I have also? My opinion is only bc I lost my daughters father 25yr relationship bc of this behavior… let her go … u can’t fix her u can’t change this and since it’s causing u to seek advise here?? U won’t be able to love past the awful reality of anxiety and depression.. good luck and I hope for u to find an even better time w a different girl:)
That’s up to you but personally I would not. A person dealing with depression is very challenging and couple that with anxiety. No thanks.
This girl deserves someone who supports her and instead of “have a great day” be there to ask what happened and hear her personal struggles. You don’t look like you want a human being with flaws and problems by your side, it looks like you want a girlfriend to fulfill your own needs.
Honestly, thinking someone is less bc of their life struggles should’ve make you rethink if you’re mature enough for a relationship at the moment
I don’t think she wants to date anyone right now, especially with her cancelling the date. Depressed people wanna be by themselves, they’re so far into their own heads they almost come across as selfish but it’s not meant that way. They just want you to understand their feelings and be there when they’re ready to talk/hang out.
So no, don’t ask her out. Just be a friend, give her space but maybe text and say that you’re there for her. Check in with her every few days so she knows you mean what you say. Build up a relationship but go at her pace. It’s gonna take a lot of patience and understanding but you seem like a nice dude so it shouldn’t be difficult.
A lot of guys take this opportunity to exploit their weakness in exchange for sexual release. Please do not, let her know you care about her instead of going in for the kill.
I actually have anxiety and depression. Personally I wouldn’t involve my boyfriend in all of it. I tend to keep it to myself because I don’t want to hurt other people. It mainly depends on her personality. If she brings it up a lot or flaunts it, that’s a red flag because it’s a mental disorder not a dog. You feel me?
No
I personally don’t feel someone dealing with a deep depression should be dating.
I would say this could just end up masking or exacerbating symptoms.
Therapy, self-love and self-work will be far better for her than a boyfriend.
That said- you could offer her friendship if you’re willing and capable of that. On one hand you eliminate pressure on both ends and on the other, you don’t need to act as a savior.
Otherwise, my suggestion is to avoid dating til she figures her stuff out.
The thing with depression/anxiety is that it has nothing to do with her being sweet (not mutually exlusive) and you don’t really know each other so it’s understandable you haven’t “seen” it.
There’s nothing wrong with reaching out to her and asking, but you should also consider whether you’re personally equipped to pursue something romantic with someone who has some mental health issues that affect their life. Your dating life will likely progress in this fashion and that won’t change with what you do or don’t do, because she has this issue (which to her credit, she seems to be aware of and working with rather than expecting a romantic partner to fix)
Will probably get eaten alive here, but I’m not saying that people with mental health struggles don’t deserve love or relationships BUT you need to be mindful of your own capacities and wants. It definitely does add a layer of complexity to relationships.
Some people absolutely are equipped and have extremely good mental health themselves and can handle it, but I get the sense from your post that you’re not really aware of how depression/anxiety plays out. I would advise that you go and educate yourself more on these conditions and then proceed with a better understanding.
I don’t see a problem with spending time with her. I met a girl, a year after my wife of 21 years died, at first I was worried. But after talking, flirting, and being helpful to each other. We decided to spend a week in Maine together. Our relationship has deepened, and now I’m looking at rings. You could find your true love.
Depression isn’t contagious. You won’t catch it from her and it stigmatises mental health conditions to talk about it that way.
However, given you seem to lack any real understanding or empathy for her, I’d suggest you’re probably not a good match at this point in time.
How much do you like her?
I don’t have much experience with friends with depression but in theory you need to try and spend a lot of time with her and make her feel worth it. Spend all of your free time with her invite her to meet your family and all sorts.basically you need to trick her mind and health problems into believing it’s worth being in the world
Is this post about me? I suffer from depression I don’t have many friends in real life or anyone in my circle and I’m use to cutting ppl off when they become too close it’s a bad habit. I do deserve happiness in my life but at the same time I’m scared because I also don’t think anyone would want me with my underlying health issues with my depression/anxiety & I think you deserve someone without those issues 🙃