How do I handle my wife’s refusal to help more with our finances?
My wife of 6 years and I just recently moved. We sold our house and bought a different house. She wanted the move. She wanted the house. We could comfortably afford our mortgage before. I was happy where we were. Now that our mortgage has doubled we aren’t going to make our payments brining in the money we make. Along with that she has all of these projects she wants to do that are going to cost a ton. I make decent money but my wife makes minimum wage. We had talked about her getting a different job in order to supplement the mortgage difference. It was all lined up and ready for her to start but the other day she came to me saying she doesn’t want to leave her job because she feels loyal to her employer. She doesn’t want to make any of the changes for our expenses we had previously talked about.
I have been pulling so much overtime recently to make up as much of the difference as possible. I’ve been doing consistent 14 hour shifts. I’m beyond exhausted. When I get home I’m still having to do extra work around the house.
If something doesn’t change we will have to pull from savings and eventually lose the house once our savings is drained. She isn’t interested in having these conversations any more.
Edit to add a little more info. We had a plan in place. She had taken a job that was going to be a significant pay increase. She was set to start in a couple of days from now. We only closed on the house 8 days ago. We were going to be able to afford the property without issue.
11 comments
Honestly, you need to move. You bought a home neither of you could afford. The fact though that your partner is more loyal to her employer than her own family is sad. She has unilaterally decided to have you shoulder everything while she skips away and does what she wants. You’re not in a marriage. you’re her wallet.
You tell your wife this is a partnership. And your partnership needs help earning money right now to take care of your financial needs. She is equally responsible in that partnership. I’m so sorry you’re going through that.
Sounds like she’s made clear that the only plan she’s interested in is one where both your finances are destroyed. You should decide whether you want to join her on that sinking ship, or leave.
You need to sell the house asap and downsize. Then tell your wife that unless she starts investing in your partnership it will be null and void.
Your wife needs a reality check and someone to make her realise she’s living way beyond her means. I’ve never understood why anyone would want to be landed with a massive mortgage and no money to actually live and enjoy life. If you’re married and both working you should always ensure one person could still afford to pay the mortgage if the other lost their job etc. You need to have a word with your wife before you end up resenting her.
I would invite a realtor over and list the house. Then she gets an ultimatum, work, sell or divorce. There are no other options in this situation.
Why the hell would the two of you buy a house that neither of you can afford?
Do you have any say at all in what you do or just follow whatever she says so she doesn’t make you miserable? This isn’t a marriage, you don’t sound happy at all, and it might be time to teach her about responsibility. Get some things together and go get yourself a little apartment while she’s being such a loyal employee one day. When she gets home and you’re not there, tell her she has one day to get some things together, the house is being put back on the market, and while you’re at it have some divorce papers drawn up unless you want to live like this the rest of your life-with someone that has literally ZERO respect for you. You don’t treat someone the way she is treating you when you have love, respect and appreciation for them. She’s using you, it’s very obvious from an outside perspective. She may have loved and cared for you at one point, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case now. You sound like a nice guy, and don’t deserve this at all. Don’t let this be how you live the rest of your life. You’re only 30, you can find a great partner who loves and respects you and wants to build a life with you TOGETHER. My partner and I, we’re a team. We approach everything together, I can’t imagine ever putting him in a position where I was forcing him to sell our home and move somewhere we couldn’t afford (and then expect him to shoulder the burden alone). What happens when a teammate starts to work independently of the team and do their own thing? The team suffers. Yes, it’s only a team of 2 but still functions the same way. Your wife is absolutely working independently, and has no interest in helping the team, and she probably never will. You deserve to be on a better team.
Sell the place and move.
> she doesn’t want to leave her job because she feels loyal to her employer
She needs to grow up and realize that he employer would most likely fire her in a heartbeat if it improved the bottom line. Her loyalty should be with you and the commitment she made when she signed the mortgage.
You need to divorce. Expensive yes, but that’s the price you pay for being dumb enough to get married in the first place.
So she refuses to substantially contribute to your finances but is the one wanting to spend money? I don’t think this can be resolved if she’s too blind to see the problems.