It was a gradual fallout over a couple of years now (over no particular reason/incident) , but we are both working parents. They have stopped taking initiative and seem to almost always have a reason not to meet. I change my plans to accommodate them, but they wouldn’t do the same. Takes them longer to reply to my texts each time and they’ve been sharing less and less of their lives with me.
I still gave them excuses because I know they are good people. I thought maybe they’re busy. Or they’re going through a rough time. Or they’re not feeling like socializing. Or it’s just a phase. But I recently indirectly learned that they’ve been having a busy social life, which I have been excluded from.
I have no plans of cutting them out, but it’s hard to think of them as a friend anymore. As an introvert, this is hard to navigate. Any advice is appreciated.
5 comments
Would you say you have other close friends that help fill the void? If not, I’d wager it’s less about this specific person and more your longing for companionship. Imagine if you also had a budding social life with new friends, would you think about this person as much? Would it bother you so much?
Again, I could be wrong. But if I’m right I’d let them go and focus your energy on finding someone new to connect with. Some people are only in your life for seasons and it’s okay to let them go.
If possible, it might help to have some form of closure or ending with this friendship. It helps you move on. Do what you feel you need to do.
I don’t have any advice or insight, just want to say that sucks and I’m sorry your friend can’t be more communicative with you.
You’ve correctly identified what’s happening, they’re phasing you out. The more important issue is the ATTITUDE you take toward it. There’s definitely a way to be generous toward them and kind toward yourself. One is to realize people move through different phases/stages in their life, and they can outgrow friendships and get more interested in other aspects of their lives. Although it’s hard not to take that personally (especially if we don’t feel the same way), it’s no reflection on you. It’s just Life Happening.
Also there’s no absolute reason to “end” the friendship, you can do the same thing they’re doing, which is to just place less emphasis on it. Check in once a quarter or once in a while. Send a monthly text.
I realize this might feel like a huge loss because you’re more of an introvert. But there’s nothing wrong with seeing this as inspiration to open yourself to other opportunities and seek out some growth in the social realm.
We tend not to grow unless we get out of our comfort zones.
First thing to figure out is what PLACES you see people REGULARLY where new potential friendships can be made.