Girlfriend Doesn’t Want to Post Relationship on Social Media. Worried about Co-Workers

36 comments

1. I think both view points are fair. I think it’s easy to automatically assume the worst in something like this because society is obsessed with social media – but their is proof out there about correlation between social media stuff and relationship success. I think you do exactly that, you just sit down and talk about it like adults. Try not to attack with words, ask questions, and talk about fears, express emotions and use “I” statements vs “you” eg. don’t say You just want to hide me – say I understand where you’re coming from but I don’t like feeling hidden, can we compromise here?

   Take note of what would make you feel better in this situation as well as try to understand where she is coming from

2. Are you 100% sure that you are her only boyfriend?

3. Ask her when would be the most appropriate time. Unless she has a reasonable answer, now is as good a time as any.

4. Why don’t you respect her position on this? What part of her reasoning isn’t good enough for you?

   You don’t have to work with these drama gossips, she does. She is affected by this, you aren’t. If she made a non-public profile for her personal life and kept this as the work one, would that be okay with you? Have you suggested as such?

5. I fully understand your gf. Having nosy co-workers who likes to gossip is exhausting.

   But, perhaps you both could have as a rule not to connect with co-workes on social media unless you are really good friends with them? (You “hang out outside of work and invite them to your home”-level of friends.) I.e. leave co-workers connections to social media sites made for it, like LinkedIn, and let the rest be for friends and family.
   Many social media platforms allow you to “unfriend” people without them knowing. So it should be possible to separate the two without too much problem. However, you might like to check that it is possible for each platform before doing it.

6. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

7. There is someone in particular she doesn’t want to know about you.

8. Ask her about the boyfriend she has at the office.

9. she needs to remove her coworkers from Facebook. just tell her to tell them she isn’t using Facebook anymore.

   i work in a company and i have the same issue with coworkers gossiping and causing drama. in particular this 1 person who always talks crap about every single person behind their back.

   i specifically don’t add anyone from my work on my Facebook because of this particular person. i have a Instagram/twitter that is work related/business and i just add coworkers on that.

10. Out of curiosity, if your girlfriend of one and a half years would have such an issue with her coworkers knowing she’s in a relationship, why does she not simply remove them from her social media accounts instead of avoiding any mention of you? I can’t imagine why you’d want to have people you’re so worried about thinking less of you that you don’t even seem to be friends with involved with your personal life update-by-update

11. Her work husband may have a problem with the relationship

12. ….I don’t get why is this such a big problem. She is a private person. Why can’t you respect that?

13. If she’s worried about what her coworkers think and say about knowing about your relationship, then why doesn’t she delete them from social media or block them from seeing the specific posts.

    I do see her point as gossip in the workplace sucks. Especially when it’s about you and the people you love.
    A coworker could possibly know you and has said something regarding you before.

    COMMUNICATE. That’s what you’re supposed to do in a relationship.

14. Is it really that weird if someone wants to keep parts of their life private? Close friends and family have met you and know about the relationship, that’s the more important part here, you definitely aren’t a secret boyfriend that she is ashamed of. Maybe she just doesn’t want to broadcast every part of her personal life to every acquaintance she’s made in the last decade. Honestly, I think not sharing personal information on social media is pretty sensible. I think this sounds like more of an issue with your self esteem.

15. Tell her to unfollow work people. That your relationship should take precedence, and we work to live not live to work. If she doesn’t, this may be a huge red flag and you might want to slow down and reevaluate her commitment to you and this relationship.

16. I could understand her not wanting your relationship plastered over social media as many people like to keep that aspect of their life private. However, it is usually from family that they aren’t close too or it’s when the relationship is fresh. But for you to tag her in a post and her response be to complain there’s definitely SOMEBODY she’s hiding you from or that she doesn’t want you knowing about which is a major red flag. Realistically she could block her co-workers from social media as that’s all they are co-workers.

17. Some people just like their privacy, don’t worry about it.

18. She should stop giving a fuck what other people think. This is sketchy as fuck. Any co-workers who add me are going to know what I’m about, and if they don’t like it, they can fuck off.

19. Why is it so important to post a relationship on social media? I never understand why people want to post all their business anyway. Lame.

20. I’m going to say something unpopular, and it is only because it is directly what happened to me.

    In my last relationship my ex refused to post about us on social media. It didn’t really bother me as I don’t go on Facebook that often, and I don’t have an Instagram. But it always didn’t sit right that she was trying to avoid publicly acknowledging the relationship.

    She was cheating the whole time with people she had on her friends list, and hid our relationship because of it.

    Now, I’m not saying that this is definitely the case, but as it has happened to me, I want to pass along the info. If it’s really about her coworkers, she can set them aside on a separate set of friends or block the from seeing her posts.

    Hoping all works out for the best!

21. Why do you want to post your private life on social media?

    She’s almost 30 so i get why she doesn’t want it.

22. Are you specifically worried about her cheating on you? Or do you just have an unhealthy relationship to social media?

    If it’s the latter, then mind your business and respect her privacy.

23. She can post things on media and select who she wants not to see it. Or, she could just unfriend them. If they’re really that bad, why has she got them connected to her social media and her personal life in the first place? Why give them that power? Priorities.

24. The better question is, why do *you* feel like you have to post everything on social media? Why can’t private thing’s remain private? It’s scary how it’s become the norm to let the entire world know every little detail about ones daily life.

25. She can choose the audience tho. But if she’s telling the truth why stress her out ? Respect her decision. After all, a relationship is not based by facebook tags .

26. I have been in this exact situation – I was a woman not willing to update my relationship status on FB. I was working with lovely people but God did they gossip and demolish each other behind each other’s backs ALL THE TIME! I made myself promise I would not give them any tools to dissect and half-imagine my personal life like that. My partner was increasingly upset and I ended up deactivating my FB rather than update it.

    Also, for those saying she should just remove/not add her colleagues… I had to change jobs after a relentless bullying campaign a colleague started against me after I ignored her follow request on Instagram after she found my account. I didn’t like her and didn’t want her nosying about at all. She took it VERY personally and I had to endure four months of ugly, bitter hell.

27. I’m the same way as your gf. I don’t like anyone in my business or what not. I mainly share memes and may e one photo from a trip that I’m currently on.

    This use to be a issue with my bf, now husband, because I never posted pics of us except for one here and there. Even his mom got insecure about our relationship (prior marriage) and cried to him about why I don’t post more photos of me and him together. I can see where she is coming from because his mom and sisters post their every life detail on fb. Example, the last photo I uploaded of me and the husband was on our wedding day 2 years ago.

    I don’t see this as a big problem in general because the people who need to know about your relationship already know. Does her relationship status says she’s in one or single? The best way for you to approach this is tell her that while it is okay for her to be one way on her page, it should be okay for you to post and tag her on your page. Just adjust the privacy setting.

28. There are people who simply don’t want to show their relationships on social media (like me). And no, I’m not hiding it from anyone specific aka cheating, I’m hiding it from everyone who is not a part of my personal life. I don’t see why everything has to be out there for everyone to see, especially something precious like private moments and intimacy.

    She has the right to her privacy, not posting about your relationship doesn’t make it less strong, unless you rely on external validation from people of Facebook. It is HER page, not your relationship’s page. Maybe she’ll post something when she really feels like it, maybe she doesn’t want to post it just because. Also if it’s raising concern around trust, then you should have trust issues discussion not social media. Everyone can cheat without it as well.

29. I’m older so don’t have social media and don’t care about social media. But what your girlfriend is concerned about is a very real thing. My wife and I met at work years ago and got married while working together, before she moved to a new job. But the women at her old job (my current job) went absolutely bat shit with the social media stalking and comments and even stuff in real life. Made her life miserable, and by extension, mine. Just a lot of jealousy and pettiness from the “unhappy with life” and “I have nothing better to do” than make you unhappy crowd. She finally switched jobs, and with the new job she made sure to keep me private, not post about our travels, what cars we buy, about our kids achievements, etc. All of that can be a source of envy for unhappy people. I know it’s not your exact scenario, but the lessons learned still apply. After years of back and forth with the old job people and lots of made up lies, she finally had to just cut every single one of them out of her life and block them from her social media. She only has true friends now and doesn’t have to see or deal with any negativity, snipes, or other BS that was never warranted in the first place. Jealousy is an ugly thing. Peace is priceless.

30. my ex had me plastered over his Instagram and still cheated, a post on social media doesn’t have anything to do with how someone truly feels about you. or she could just prefer to keep a private life and that’s okay too

31. She doesn’t want that dude at work to get discouraged about her having a relationship.

32. Girlfriend is right. Keep your personal life off of social media. Don’t tag her in stuff. I’ve been with my bf for 2 years and never posted anything. No one needs to know about my relationship. I’m nice and let my friends and family know. Your friends and family know, so social media posts about the relationship are 100% unnecessary. Like why do tou even *need* to post if the important people in your lives already know? Sounds like you got a problem and probably should see a therapist.

33. She’s prolly getting with a co-worker or looking. Been in this EXACT scenario before.

34. If that is the case, why are her co-workers in her Facebook profile. If there’s a reason why they need to be, she should have a professional page and a private one.

35. There is nothing wrong with a person wanting to keep their personal or private life off of Facebook. I’m married, and it isn’t on my FB profile.

36. If someone doesn’t want anyone to know about a relationship, it is usually because there is someone that they are interested in that they don’t want to know.

    In this case, she has a co-worker that she really likes and wants to know better.