I’m M25 she’s F24.
We’ve been dating for 5 months now. We’ve been long distance seeing each other as much as possible every weekend if not every other weekend.
We’ve met each others fam and friends and would message all day about random shit on snap insta and WhatsApp it’s been good
2 weeks ago she said this and we went on a break:
“Hey I went to spinning class had a shower , yeah sorry I’ve been quiet past week cause I don’t feel that good. I think we rushed in to things after only a couple weeks seeing each other and I had just got out of a nasty abusive relationship and now I’m realising how much that’s affected me in how I want to be alone and I get annoyed with little things cause I’m used to someone being over my shoulder and manipulating me. I’ve enjoyed us being together but I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship I have to fix myself after everything from the last relationship and rushing into another one when we started out as friends wasn’t a good idea. What do u think?”
We spoke I said what I had to say she said her piece and it boils down to me wanting to continue and her wanting to develop herself and be independent.
I asked and said if u are interested or seeing or fancy and other guy or girl lmk I’d rather the honesty upfront I won’t blame u for it. She said she isn’t interested or seeing anyone she promised this is her needed to become independent make new friends she doesn’t want an relationship with any guy or girl.
This came left field to me but I’ve been here before with previous ex’s.
Since the break no contact. She’s messaged me twice reacting to my snap stories
I’ve just messaged her a nice birthday day message she responded positively.
I’m confused.
My plan was to in 2 weeks time of no contact ( 1 month in total) to reach out and ask her to hang go out and see how’ve she’s been and see if I can save the relationship.
But going back I think we rushed into how serious the relationship got. And that’s the problem. We moved to fast and yes she lead that with baby fever talks and wanting to get married ect but it’s my fault for not setting any boundaries
Should I go to her in two weeks and be real with with her ? Saying
Hey I like our time together we rushed things a lot. Let’s try again I wanna date you casually and work it up at a slower rate ?
Or is this just not worth it ?
2 comments
I think if she is willing to take a break from you when you’re already long distance you might as well just yeet off as it probably won’t work long term. If she’s already tired of you and only sees you every weekend just imagine if you continued on and started seeing each other every day.
As for her needing to work on herself and becoming more independent, she could be serious or just blowing hot air. If it’s the former it’s also probably the case that her last relationship has made her untrusting and scarred and she probably should seek therapy if she can afford it, otherwise no relationship will work out for her. If she’s full of cap then she either lost interest or has her eye on someone else.
Either way don’t blame yourself for “moving too fast” or not setting boundaries.
First off, you can’t really “save” a relationship when the other partner is being completely unreasonable. If she wanted to be “independent,” then she should have been more upfront about her intentions in the first place. To say that you are “confused” just shows your inability to read signals. Did you find out that she was involved with someone else? And did she come clean about it or did you find out through some other means? What you suggest is not only lazy, but disrespectful on her part as well because it puts an ultimatum on her decision. I think it is more than obvious that she has no intentions of rekindling a relationship with you. She’s just going to keep you on the back burner because she doesn’t want to lose you, and in the meantime play the field with other men (or women if that’s her thing).
If you really want to “save” the relationship, which I don’t really see how you can, then you should make a statement that clearly states that you are not interested in pursuing a relationship. At the very least, though, show her respect by respecting her wishes and respecting herself enough to leave a relationship that obviously doesn’t have the same appeal to you anymore.
I hope this helps.