I [34 F] have been with him [40 M] for 7 years, I can’t say it’s been easy, but I have tried. One of the reasons it hasn’t went well is because his relationship with his child’s mother impedes him from ever progressing in any other relationship, due to the fact that she is resentful of him and has never found a relationship outside of theirs. I’ve respected her role, until just recently when his mom passed away suddenly, someone who I built a loving relationship with these past few years. I offered my support, completely understanding that it is in his right to mourn in the way he sees fit and respecting his boundaries. He has had little to no communication with me since the beginning of the month (she passed away around then). His mother’s funeral came around and I lightly asked if I can show my respects to her at her wake and he told me I “can come if I want”.. only to find out his child’s mother was the one who arranged the entire thing and many other women from his past were also there. I’m so angry as I type this because putting it out there tells me all I need to know, but I hate to seem selfish through it all and I think he’s entitled to distance through this tough time. I want him to lean on me, but the holiday came and went and I haven’t even seen him. I feel like I’d never do that to him. I feel cast out and as if he’s hiding ALOT more than I’d like to admit to myself. Any advice would help at this point.
8 comments
It seems like he is sending you a message?
Get over yourself. His MOTHER … DIED. You should absolutely go / have gone to the funeral. For that matter, you should have asked if he needed any help planning it. Never mind if the ex will be there. This event is NOT ABOUT YOU. If the ex planned it, so what? Go and behave yourself. That’s exactly what you must do.
I couldn’t tell if it already occurred or will occur. My answer is the same, either way.
Honestly I won’t have even ask. When I was dating someone if some family tragedy happened,I’m there for support.
7years…no progress. You don’t live together and he goes no contact for a month. You’re not in a relationship with this man. You’re a side piece. There is no way he is serious about you. He has made his choices clear over and over again. The ex isn’t the only one who never moved on. Stop wasting your time on men who don’t care about you.
This all just sounds weird. 7 years is a long time to be together to be treated like this. It sounds like this might not be the first time? I get his mother just died and people grieve different ways. A month with little to no communication is a sign if he’s spending time with someone else unless it’s a sibling/immediate family.
It sounds like a mess all around.
Is this really what you want from the primary relationship in your life? This sounds like a good time to be reassessing what you want from your relationship and whether he can provide it. From what you’ve said I’m guessing the answer is no.
You need to move on. He is not the one. He is just passing time and it is unfair to you. When my dad died I leaned on all of my friends and needed their help and I asked for it. They were all there. He is sending you a message. I would just move on from him. He is stuck and you are wasting years on him.
So if he isn’t leaning on you on this time of grief who is he leaning on?
Did the ex made all the arrangements by herself or did he helped her?
After seven years this is not a tight relationship.
7 years and you can’t go to his mother’s funeral? Something is not right in your relationship.