My wife and I after marriage just have been kind of solo, my wife and I are 26. We’ve mostly been in the company of each other and her sisters. My parents become angry that we don’t see them as often, and most of the time to be honest. I just don’t feel like it. Now today is Christmas, and I made dinner plans with my wife and I as a special occasion, because she works so often that her only time off is now. I made the decision to have some quality time with her than my parents at their house having a family Christmas dinner. I am so “bad” so “wrong”?
TL;DR: is it bad that I didn’t attend Christmas dinner only to have a quality date with my wife instead?
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“Is it bad that I, an adult, am making adult choices and focusing on my wife and the family members of hers that actually make me feel welcomed and appreciated instead of hanging around with people that I don’t really like?”
When you set up your own household, you start making your own traditions.
Your parents want to see you. You’re wife is extra, but you’re the guest they really want. If you and your wife have a special date, it’s very okay to make that your celebration. If you want to keep the family relations close, it would probably help to visit them some time this week if your parents are near. But that’s something you plan around your family: you and your wife. Today is reserved for her.
Literally my mom goes absolute ape shit after I tell her we are going to just spend some time together. She then proceeds to say “your lying, just say you don’t want to be here” and all this nasty stuff with a really loud tone of voice.
Here’s the thing about being an adult:
You aren’t truly an adult until you realize that you can make whatever choices (within moral norms — I’m not giving anyone a pass to become a serial killer) you want without checking in with your parent(s), and it is OK. The other side of that coin, of course, is that choices have consequences. In your case it’s “Mom and dad get angry when I don’t visit them.”
My whole family lives 4 hours from me and I see them maybe every couple months. My fiance’s brother basically lives with us now and will do so very soon. M family doesn’t make me feel bad about it because they know it’s difficult to coordinate trips. In the last couple months, my fiance and I have been there twice because of 2 sudden deaths in my family. I’d love to see them more often, but sometimes part of being an adult (especially one in a relationship), is realizing that you make yoir own decisions. If you don’t want to see someone, you don’t have to. It’d be different if she was keeping you from your family.