Had to put down my beautiful 15 year old golden retriever today who was loved dearly by my whole family. My boyfriend is a 2hr 40min drive away, staying with his family over Christmas. He’s spent 3 days with them so far – I had to leave this morning as my dog got sick and wanted to be there when she got put down.
I was hurt he didn’t offer to come with me – he also didn’t call to check up on me today after I told him she was going to die for about 3 hours and he finally texted saying he hopes I’m ok – I called him in response and found out he’d been napping. I also just invited him to a dinner with my family tomorrow night to commemorate my dog and he seemed torn, saying he doesn’t get to see his cousins often (he sees them each Christmas and I totally get wanting to play boardgames with them and spend time with them so feel funny about pressuring him). He said if I send him the details he’ll let me know and it sounded like he might come.
I just feel really surprised and hurt by not having him be by my side (or having him have competing priorities) through all of this and choosing to see me in a couple of days while I’m grieving – am I expecting too much by thinking he’d leave his family gathering?
Tl;dr am I being unreasonably hurt that my boyfriend isn’t jumping to be here with me after my dog died
14 comments
He’s not staying to play boardgames, he’s spending Christmas day with his family. Sorry your dog died, but you’re an adult (supposedly), so grow the hell up.
That’s a tough spot for you both. I’m sorry for your loss. And I’m sure he/she was the best doggo.
It’s okay to feel hurt because you’re already grieving.
You are expecting too much and not even thinking properly, Your dog died and my condolences and while I do feel sorry for you, YOU cannot expect him just to drop everything to be there for you while YOU also have your family around you, like what ?
And that he was napping what is wrong with that, should he have been sleepless the whole time or something, Some families have stuff planned that they are preparing for for days that can be absolutely exhausting.
You are not alone, you have people around you, if you was legit alone for everything for days and no one around and nothing and you sitting in a dark room with your own thoughts I would have a slight different opinion but even then, I would have said the option would be there to pick you up to spend some time with him and his family, that way you would not be alone and even if it is not ideal he would be still able to spend time with family and you would not be alone.
Think this carefully, You are expecting HIM to leave HIS family to come over to YOUR house with YOUR family to commemorate YOUR dogs death. what ?
Respectfully, you and your family loved the dog. 2:40 minutes 1 way. Then what? You have your family around you to talk and share stories. Why is that not enough given the time of year, the weather for most of country? Focus on your dog and give your boyfriend a pass.
You sound insane lmao
People are being so terrible in this forum. Where is the empathy? I’m really sorry for your loss. You are not asking too much, maybe just talk to him about how it hurts you. I totally get why you’d be upset. You’re not being unreasonable and it makes perfect sense why you’d want your boyfriend to want to comfort you during this time. Even just a few sincere comforting texts/calls go a long way. I’m sending you so much love and light during this time.
I think you’re overreacting a bit, but I also wanna know how long you’ve been dating?
I don’t think you;re being unreasonable, or “insane” like others have called you in this comment section.
I understand he doesn’t get to see his cousins often to play boardgames, but there’s going to be plenty more Christmas’s, there will also be other times he gets to see his cousins even if it’s not often.
The circumstances with your dog (who is still a member of your family regardless that theyre an animal) isn’t going to happen every year, and hasn’t happened every year since you’ve been dating.
Someone has literally died, someone very special to you. It is not unreasonable to want support, I understand he is far away, and straight up leaving is not ideal or possible, but the fact he hasn’t been thoughtful of your situation, sending lackluster texts instead of calling (like he *said* he would do) is pretty pathetic. I would personally rethink this relationship if I were you. This is a pretty big deal.
i think grief has taken you to very normal reaction of anger and you’re looking for an outlet. your very senior dog died and that’s really awful. i understand wanting your person near you when you’re hurting. unfortunately this all blew up over christmas while family he only sees once a year is around and there are expectations of him participating.
if he isn’t in the habit of blowing off your emotions (which i don’t think he’s done here fwiw) i would take your time to grieve and realize sometimes timing sucks and it’s no one’s fault
Hey OP, I’m so sorry for your loss. I disagree with most of the comments I’ve read so far. Wanting comfort and support from loved ones when you’re grieving is not unreasonable at all. It seems like your boyfriend doesn’t understand how much your dog means to you, or how much pain you’re feeling now. Unfortunately, most people don’t see the loss of a pet as being on the same level as losing a person. I’d like to think that if you’d lost a close friend or family member, he would respond with more concern.
Please take this next piece as gently as possible: your boyfriend isn’t a mind reader. It was a mistake to assume that he would offer to leave his family without you asking him to do so. The best way to receive support in the way you need is to ask him directly, and not in the guise of having dinner with your family. It’s not pressure to tell someone you love that you’re in pain and you need them. Tell your boyfriend how you feel. Give him the opportunity to decide how to respond.
Wishing you all the best.
Idk…it definitely seems weird to me that he was taking a 3 hr nap when you were putting your dog to sleep. My partner had to put their cat down when we were a year into our relationship…I was there for every step of it and it was heavy and sad as fuck but they needed me. I never would have thought twice about dropping everything to be there for them through that experience. And they didn’t have to ask for it. I get that it’s Christmas and he wanted to spend time with family he only gets to see once a year but…he already had several days with them and he barely even checked in with you. Has he never had a beloved pet before or something? I’m so so sorry for your loss and i hope he makes it up to you somehow and that he’s not as shitty as I feel like he might be.
I come from the Caribbean so I don’t give s fig about dogs. Based on that, you sound nuts. But this is just me and my upbringing
Yes, you are being completely unreasonable.
YOUR SADNESS IS JUSTIFIED
Pets are family. YOU needed him. HE FAILED.
WHAT HAPPENED TO EMPATHY???????????
Imagine if his grandmother died. Are you going to spend time at the mall with your female cousins or stop whatever you are doing and show you care???
That’s the difference between you and him. LET THIS BE A LESSON FOR ALL AGES, if he can’t be there for you, what other behavior are you going to put up with and led it slide???
Go ahead and mourn. And quite honestly, take a few weeks for yourself. Turn off your phone.
But if I were you, date a person who is a dog lover like you. HE WILL UNDERSTAND that your situation was serious and merited his love and support for you.