I’m 22F with untreated ADHD so I have some forgetfulness, learning issues, but I’m not some total moron.
A lot of it is I also have bad social anxiety so for some reason when I’m around others, I tend to have my mind go blank because I’m just overthinking how I act and what I say.
It’s mostly my parents who make ‘jokes’ referring to my intelligence and I hate it.
My mom will be like “uhhh you know you have to take the cap off the soda bottle HAHAHA”
Stupid stuff like that in front of others and it’s annoying.
I feel like everyone who knows me does that to me and it’s so irritating.
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relatable. and its fucking horrible that ur getting treated like that. that sounds like insecurity on their part. what i did is i got really good and knowledgeable about some stuff and i would switch the conversation over to niche topics that they didnt know anything about. now they look dumb
It is only a joke if everyone finds it funny. Otherwise, it is an insult that everyone laughed at. For your parents to be the ones making it, that’s emotional abuse. It’s not ok.
Don’t internalize it. See it as them being awful people. Confront them when they do it. Leave if they won’t stop. Those boundaries are important for self-respect.
I have a coworker who has ADHD and I’ve had to work with her on learning SQL, both on the ADHD medication and off of it. The difference is very clear when she’s off of the medication. It requires a very different teaching method. It’s kind of like teaching in a circle. You just have to follow what is being fixated on and keep going until you come back around to the other stuff. There’s going to be a lot that gets missed on the first pass, but she eventually got it.
Point is that not everyone is going to have the knowledge and patience to work with you. Their jokes likely stem from frustration with you.
It’s worth doing research into ADHD to better understand yourself and what’s happening. Being able to explain it to people can go a long way with them having the patience to work with you instead of being frustrated by you.
How would you feel about talking to your family about how their jokes make you feel?
I feel exactly like you do when I am at work. I work in a kitchen with a bunch of who has the biggest dick sort of men, and I always feel like I’m the village idiot there. And it doesn’t matter if I explain my social anxiety and adhd to them they just make fun of me about it. I’m glad to hear though that someone else feels the same way I do lol
As a fellow peer with ADHD, I found for myself being open with others and letting people know I struggle to remember things, focus, and sometimes comprehend things is crucial.
I found friends who also have ADHD, as it is easier for them to understand me and vise versa. We can have conversations on levels that others couldn’t understand. This also allows us to help teach each other things when the time comes. It’s not that you are stupid, you just need different methods to learn and function. Once you find what best works for you, they wont be able to pick on you as much, if at all.
We move differently than others and that’s okay
Turn it into a strength and impress them with how capable you really are
I feel your pain :/. The way the people threat me…and the way I learn…that’s make me feel so stupid around others…
I’m so sorry your parents make jokes at your expense. They should be more caring about how their words affect you. I know that even jokes can hurt. I have ADHD too, and often my brain needs a second to catch up with what someone has said. I’ll ask someone What did you say? And then realize what they said. I also tell convoluted stories, bumble around, and forget my train of thought when I speak. In fact I did all of these this morning. It makes me self conscious, and then I try to correct myself so people don’t think I’m an idiot. But, I just try to remind myself that I know I’m not an idiot, and most people know that too.
I would really try talking to your mom about how this all makes you feel. It’s not acceptable. Is family therapy an option? Would your mom be willing to educate herself on ADHD and how it affects the brain?
I am the same way and I usually just keep quiet. But maybe next time that happens just calmly say that you don’t find it funny. If they continue on after the fact, then that’s overtly bullying.
High five on the social anxiety, I experience the exact same mental phenomena in relation to attractive people.
I reckon in relation to your moms lame ass jokes, start getting your mind active on the theme of retaliating with a better joke so that you can shut her behaviour down.
I would tell them that making jokes like that in front of others isn’t cool; if you got a couple zingers to throw I would suggest using them sparingly from time to time, after you warn them though.
I understand. I have ADHD too so I can be forgetful and combined with anxiety that makes me freeze up people sometimes think I’m an idiot at first. It used to happen pretty often but I’m pretty much over my social anxiety so it doesn’t happen as often because it’s less “visible.”
But that treatment pissed me off too, you’ll just have to ignore their opinions and jokes (which is really hard I know) but you could also tell those that are close to you that the jokes are hurtful if they’ll actually listen. Besides that working on your social anxiety so you don’t freeze up might help you like it helped me.
Be honest and straight-forward with someone when something they say or do bothers you, because if you don’t they won’t be held accountable. They’ll just either walk all over you or think it’s okay since it doesn’t bother you.
When someone does that say, how you don’t appreciate it and how it makes you feel. It’ll probably make them uncomfortable and they’ll either stop or try to justify it but at least it will be put out there and if it continues— then it’s just bullying at that point.
Good luck.
My roommate is the same exact way. It is draining. In my case I’m gonna leave her in the dust and never talk again, but when it comes to family you should really have a conversation with them about it if you can! I’m sure they’ll understand and will hopefully be more mindful of what they say.
I have a terrible memory. However, I have started doing this LinkedIn Learning course on memory and it has helped greatly. If you have LinkedIn Learning i would definitely recommend using it.
I’m in the same boat sis
Unfortunately, ADHD is misinterpreted as carelessnesss/laziness or is seen as a parenting issue, AND people culturally tend to view women as stupid. It sucks. I would check out the How to ADHD channel on YouTube for tips on how to manage symptoms and relationships. Good luck!
Eeeshhh yes I also deal with this and have been struggling with the fact that I do not feel respected and people do not think I’m smart even though I graduated on the deans list with a ba in math. I have really bad social anxiety and when people ask me questions my mind goes blank or I can’t recall events times dates situations you name it. I feel SO dumb and it is so hard to have a conversation with me unless I really am close with you or it’s online. I seem be better with a drink or two in me but then I’m just silly. Soo you either get nothing from me or I’m drunk so I can see why people do not respect me. I have alot to contribute to conversations but people don’t respect me now. I’ve been trying to work on it for years and have successfully limited the alcohol part but saying what I really mean has been hard. I hope it gets better for you, remember one baby step at a time!
i feel seen haha i totally get what you’re going through. People think i’m aloof and slow just because I don’t talk as much. for christmas i made my family homemade cookies, and my uncle joked to everyone about how the frosting probably has lsd in it, yet still enjoyed a couple for himself. felt kinda shitty but u just have to brush things like that off. thanks for sharing ur experience though
Maybe getting treatment would help your self-confidence?
damn girl i got ADD too and i absolutely know what you mean by those memory problems. Your mom is just insulting you and probably don’t even realizing it. It might get fixed by a serious one on one talk
Very much relate to this.
People with ADHD often have lower self esteem due to rejection from others, particularly in childhood. This will often mean that the percieved opinions of others will have a stronger effect on you.
To combat this, I enjoy Loving Kindness (or Metta) meditation, which helps you to develop love and acceptance for yourself and others.
That said, if the way your parents are with you is upsetting you, I’d suggest letting them know how you feel, but you have to do it when everyone is calm. If the discussion gets too heated, it likely won’t work.
Unfortunately, life is full of people that will not treat you kindly, for whatever reason. That is why in my opinion it’s better to work on making yourself more robust.
How can anyone possibly have a more valid opinion about you, than you?
Good luck!
Try that thing where you say nothing and just look at them. They say the silence makes THEM feel dumb for saying something ineffective.
Personally, I would have fun with it. “You’re supposed to take off the cap”, “how, can you show me?” get people to do stuff for you because you’re “dumb.”
I’m an adult man who has a job which has a large load of responsibility and I do well with it. Nobody expects anything of me, and looks down at me because I have the baby face of the century. I have to fight for any single scrap of respect or acknowledge. I get how you feel. It sucks
That’s very rude of them.
Also, WDYM untreated ADHD? You went to a dr, got diagnosed, and then nothing happened? I’m curious why they aren’t treating you.
The fact, that you know it and that you are able to reflect it shows that you are not an idiot and intelligent.
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it´s just a confidence thing. Get confident and no one will treat you like that
I haven’t been diagnosed with ADHD or anything else, but I’m more or less going through something similar. Constant forgetfulness and what might be occasional hyperactivity have possibly made me into a sort of friendly village idiot in my workplace and social circles.
Don’t get me wrong. I can take a joke, but people tend to go a bit too far and hit where it hurts. And for several months at that? I smile and laugh on the outside, but it’s contributed to social anxiety that’s made me withdraw into a bubble. I’ve gradually cut a lot of people off and usually remain quiet whenever I’m out.
I was even mandated by my job to be seen by a behavioral health specialist, which I wasn’t too happy about. I can only guess they had the best intentions, though nothing came from the meeting.
This is part of a long-term issue that has led to a lot of self-longing I’ve struggled to cope with.
I feel this deep in my soul. I am in treatment for my ADHD, depression, and social anxiety and take meds that help a bit. But I still feel stupid. My mind goes blank sometimes when I speak to people, like you said. I forget how to speak and I stutter a lot. I can talk a lot about things I love, I.e. plants, art, music, etc. but in my professional life it’s not so simple. You’re not alone. I haven’t figured it out yet, but I’ll let you know if I do.
My highschool friends totally treated me like this and I hated it and got sick of it. I dumped them all as friends and made sure to present myself as someone who wouldn’t put up with that. Now if someone tries to treat me less than I deserve and make a joke at my expense (rarely happens) then I look at them straight faced and it makes them feel so stupid after a “joke”. Don’t feel bad. You’re smart and amazing. Don’t takenshit from anyone. I’m
Have you looked into “black sheep syndrome”? It’s like being the scapegoat, only you’re mocked for being different and/or completely rejected. Scapegoating can be a part of the treatment, but not always. It creates a really toxic pattern where the family mocks the “different” family member, that family member opens up less about what’s wrong/their preferences, this makes them even more of a black sheep, rinse, and repeat.
Can I suggest a book as someone diagnosed in my 30s who still is dealing with parents like that? A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden and Michelle Frank is a workbook heavily focused on the social pressure and shame you get from being a women with ADHD. It might make you feel a bit better.
But also, fuck your parents and I’m sorry your dealing with this. You don’t deserve this.
>I feel like everyone who knows me does that to me and it’s so irritating.
Then tell them you don’t like what they’re saying. They either respect your decision to not have them tell you those hurtful things or they can go fuck right off.
If you judge a fish for their ability to climb a tree, it will always be useless. Make fun of them in things they are not good at, you ll see how fast they try to defend themselves
Okay three things to do. Tell your mom to stop teasing you because it’s mean and hurts your feelings. Get yourself treated. And don’t tie your self-worth to the perceptions of others.
I totally understand. In my case I’m a semi-intelligent fellow but my family likes to dog me about the simple things. In their heads book smarts means I must have a deficiency in street smarts.
It’s totally annoying but I think it’ll be fixed with experience. I’d say definitely bring it up to them in a civilized manner to let them know how it makes you feel.
Could be family taking a couple playful jabs at us tho. Either way I feel you.
One thing I’ve recently learned about social anxiety is when you have social interaction your fight/flight/freeze response kicks in so learning about how to stop that has really helped my social anxiety
Your mom is a bully, plain and simple. She should be one of the last people cracking jokes at your expense.
Honestly take their advice and look into treatment for ADHD. Youre probably smarter than them…if you get it in check life will be much easier.
I haven’t been diagnosed yet but this sounds alot like me at work. it’s frustrating but i just accepted that I’m an idiot
What works with that is not playing along, keeping a straight face and saying “i know” when you have to. Also, you know you’re smart, don’t let others dictate how you view yourself.
On a side note: Your social anxiety stems from all comments from your “loving” support network, pointing out how (as they perceive it) “intellectually inferior” you are. They might not realize how damaging it is, but they are a component as to why you now have an additional level of difficulty in life. Don’t expect them to change, people who enjoy making fun of their progeny aren’t hoping for change, they already have what they want.
You’re not alone, I’m about to hit a 2nd villan phase because of it. Like these mfs would DIE if they had to deal with this since birth.
Your parent’s are sadly uneducated in many ways. Sad and I feel very sorry that you have been treated so poorly by them.
Please don’t hate yourself:(
People who don’t know about your condition will always judge and be mean. It’s hard not to take things personally but there are other people who will love you for you. I have a friend who’s ADHD and has other things too and I treasure her.
You are not stupid if it affects you tell your parents,They think they are just kidding and that it’s “Funny” tell them
“I don’t find it funny, the point of jokes is to be funny, so tell me what’s so funny about making fun of me”
I’m with ya
My nickname as a kid, Bones. Short for bonehead. I had untreated ADHD until college. My parents said the same jokes. No one trusted me with anything… now in my 30s. I’m an engineer and a project manager. I’m known for my organization skills (scaffolding I have always had to build for myself for the ADHD is surprisingly useful for others in a technology.)