I guess I just want advice because I’m so confused hahah
my gfs roommate is ill to the point if it’s not better in a few days they’re calling it.
I told her I’m here for you, call if you need anything, asked how everyone is doing- even asked if she wanted me to come stay with her.
all she said back to all of that was “no I’m good” she’s the type to isolate when she’s really upset so I gave her space for a day. even though she is the one who wouldn’t reply back to my messages
I wakeup to a text giving me a small update and she finished it by saying “i appreciate you checking up on me thanks for nothing.”
??? I was so confused and I felt so bad.. I did what I could considering she wouldn’t talk to me and didn’t want to see me, I didn’t want to overdo it
I apologized atleast 4 times, I reminded her i am here but she made it seem like she wanted to be alone so I was trying to respect what it felt like she wanted, I offered to come stay with her again – she said “no” again
I asked if she wanted to call and talk or not talk just sit, whatever she needed and she replied “if I feel like it later”
I don’t understand because I really did try but she is just shutting me out and getting upset at me anyway.. I don’t know what should I do from here..
Tldr: my girlfriend is upset with me for not doing enough even though when I try she literally doesn’t respond. I’m 22F she is 26F
5 comments
She’s in the wrong and is giving you mixed signals and shitty treatment. Her going through a very tough experience doesn’t justify this, but it may be a good idea to hold off on having an honest and open conversation until the roommate situation has resolved.
You’ve already made yourself available and clearly expressed your interest in being there for her however she needs. But, you cannot read her mind and she needs to use her words.
If she continues to behave like this, please know it’s her choosing to do so and you’re already doing and saying the right things + are open to hearing her wishes for any other actions she may want out of you.
For what it’s worth, I recommend reminding her in a loving way that you’re here for whatever she needs but you won’t just assume what that is and are ready to support her in whatever way she asks.
Once you’ve told her in a caring way she just needs to ask (meaning: she needs to actively communicate with words) then take a mental step back, don’t bug her too much except for light touches (ex: sending text hugs and hearts), and let her make any next communication moves.
You did nothing wrong, you’ve offered to physically be there for her..she said no..you offered to call…she doesn’t appreciate the time you’d give to her to give you a direct answer. Her saying “thanks for nothing” is just straight manipulation and gaslighting you into thinking you did something wrong. When in reality all you did was keep your autonomy and tried to respect hers.
Tell her if she wants to talk you’ll be there for any messages but you’re not gonna be on a collar for her to yank when ever she feels. You’re s human with your own life and wants, her feelings don’t get to dictate what you do with your day.
To me it sounds like a red flag and you honestly should’ve just apologized once if at all cause again..all you did was live your life and you didn’t ignore her, if anything she blew you off by giving you the cold shoulder of a non-reply-able reply. You text to have a conversation to talk not to give someone entertainment.
For a 26 year old, it’s a really immature standard to put on someone that they’ll know what they want when they want it. I’d recommend trying to have a heart to heart with trying to understand why she’d want you to text her and check on her, when she clearly wasn’t putting effort in to having a conversation.
Your only mistake was to apologize. An apology is something you do in two situations, to show empathy about something bad, or to apologize for wrongdoing.
Your apologized for wrongdoing when there was none, 4 times. You just told her she can keep doing this and you will apologize.
Stand your ground and call her on the bs. Maybe you will no longer be together, but this will escalate if you don’t put a stop to it, and it will sour the relationship in the future.
This exact same thing happened to me with a bf who sounds just like your gf. We broke up over it and that was the best thing (for us it was also indicative of a larger communication issue). Don’t feel bad; she’s not communicating clearly and that’s not your fault. Talk to her about it and see if she will understand where you’re coming from. I hope everything works out for you both 💕
Hey man it sounds like you’ve been doing everything right as a partner and it’s very endearing that you’re taking a step back and getting an external perspective on this to really understand what’s going on. It’s showing that you really care for this relationship.
Like other comments I would just send her messages once in a while (not too many) saying “hey you’re in my thoughts right now. Hope you’re doing alright :)” or something along those lines.
Another thing is setting boundaries for yourself and your sanity. I understand your need to apologize because of the confusing texts you’re getting from her but you did absolutely nothing wrong and apologizing is only justifying her thinking that you weren’t doing anything to help her. I made this mistake way too many times in my last relationship.
Lastly, she’s going through a really really tough time so don’t do this now but when all this passes and she’s feeling better have a talk with her about this with an open mind and an open heart. Communication is everything and she wasn’t really communicating with you but it seems like you can. You having the ability to communicate and see all sides of the conversation is key. It’s important for her and you to hear and see her perspective of her feelings but it’s also very crucial (can’t stress this enough) that she reciprocates the same when you’re expressing your feelings and perspective of the situation.