Growing up I really only had one friend and she never invited me to things her family did, she always chose another friend. Which I understand because I’m not very fun – but I try to be, and I feel like it’s hard to learn to “be” fun or “have” fun if you never go out and do stuff?
I really want to go out for New Years this year, but I don’t want to go by myself. I have a lot of acquaintances and some family that I know are going out but I don’t feel like I can just ask them “hey, can I tag along?”. Hint-dropping hasn’t ever worked in the past, usually people don’t realize until after the event has passed, and ultimately that’s my fault for not knowing how to just ask if I can come with.
So I guess.. is there a way to ask people if they have plans if they would consider including you? Or should I give up until I actually improve upon my self worth and actually feel like I’m worth being included in activities I guess? I just feel like going out and making friends would help me feel like I’m actually worth being friends with, idk.
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I would not rely on someone to invite you if you feel like hint-dropping hasn’t worked at all, for this upcoming New Years I recommend just jumping out of your comfort zone and asking people what they are doing for new years and just make a point to indicate you would like to go with them if possible and if you get invited then I would use this as a stepping stone for later events you would like to go to. A great piece of advice I’ve always kept is, “be who you would want to have at a party”, in this scenario you don’t necessarily have to change who you are but you should showcase a side of yourself that you find engaging and worth inviting to a party. It doesn’t have to be a grand change because a lot of changes are gradual but just envision yourself and tweaking a little bit of your personality to become who you would want to invite to events because you’ll attract more people and they will want to invite you to things, after you become friends with them of course.
TLDR – ask this year since new years is next week and work your way up to becoming someone you’d invite to a party for the future
You could invite them to do something instead. If they can’t make it at least they’ll know you are interested in doing stuff with them
I dont even go out drinking anymore..nor people invite me to go out..I have thought about going out this year but just like everywhere else it would be awkward sitting by yourself
Be the change you want.
The easiest is to organize things yourself and invite people. People will slowly start inviting you as well.
Does not have to be complex
– want to meet me for coffee? it’s been a while since we caught up
– want to meet for a beer at my apartment, we can order a pizza
– want to meet for a beer at xyz bar
– want to meet to play charades and beer
And so on ..,, start slow.. it will become easy
>So I guess.. is there a way to ask people if they have plans if they would consider including you?
1. Let them read about Askers vs Guessers: [https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2010/05/askers-vs-guessers/340891/](https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2010/05/askers-vs-guessers/340891/)
2. Ask them what they are.
3. If they’re Askers, ask whether you can come along.
4. If they’re Guessers, no clue.
>I feel like it’s hard to learn to “be” fun or “have” fun if you never go out and do stuff?
The most effective way to be considered fun by others is actually about having fun yourself and not being afraid to openly show that to others, no walls, no masks. And you can actually do the first part all by yourself, so you’ll only have to learn to be yourself with others. The primary goal is to have fun yourself and include others in that.
1. Go ahead and ask to tag along, if you enjoy their company and they’re going somewhere cool
2. Go to a bar or some kind of public event
3. Plan to make friends next year so you can invite them to your shindig