Long story short, after my divorce I had a met a man (Red) off of Tinder and we hit it off. But he made it explicitly clear he was not ready for a relationship (and tbh when I’m told that I take it as a sign they just don’t want me period) and was seeing other people. I wanted a relationship eventually so obviously we weren’t endgame. I liked him and he admitted he liked me too but really wasn’t ready and didn’t want to be around me a lot because of that. Obviously I was sad but I respected his boundaries. He reached back out to plantonically hang out and I figured that at least I would get a friendship out of it.
We had so much fun together and really confided in one another. He told me he was starting to really like someone but he didn’t like the fact that she wasn’t much a talker like me. Well, that was kind of strange but I didn’t think anything of it at the time. During this time, I met my now boyfriend and I was beginning to really like him.
I told Red I met someone else and we were really hitting it off. Red seemed really happy and reiterated he had never wanted anything serious with me so he was happy for me. I figured that was the end of it and when my boyfriend and I became offical, I began posting him on my
private social media and talking about him more. I was supposed to see Red to hang out but then he gave a weird excuse and cancelled. I believed him at the time and checked on him to make sure he was okay. He gave me a weird answer and then stopped talking to me. After a while, I stopped texting less due to being busy. He then started getting short with me and then eventually removed me off social media. I deleted his number and again, respected the boundary. But I admit I was sad because again, we had become close friends.
When I told friends about this, one said that I was wrong because I should’ve known that he liked me and I was being petty/manipulative by getting a bf. I love my bf and he is honestly my dream man. He is incredible and I have never been this happy before. I obviously had no intention of hurting anyone but he told he didn’t want a relationship. So I moved on accordingly. I don’t think its wrong to move on if something wasn’t right for you or if someone told you they didn’t want you.
6 comments
It’s not wrong. And your friend is.
Your friend is wrong. You’re allowed to hold people to the things they say. In fact, I find that it’s a good policy.
That man would’ve strung you along forever if you let him. He was talking to you about other relationships but got upset when you were in one. He played stupid games and didn’t like his stupid prize.
I think it’s disrespectful to your current boyfriend to be pursuing a friendship with someone you met relatively recently under the pretense of dating. You say you’ve moved on, but you feel the need to discuss this further with friends and on Reddit. I think the fact that this is posted here and not being discussed with your boyfriend supports the idea that you had some measure of romantic feelings for Red.
It sounds like you cut off an ex. Nothing wrong with that.
Sounds dumb and not your friend’s business. Let’s be real, it isn’t your issue/problem if Red didn’t want to communicate any deeper feelings/deeper intentions. If somebody tells you that they don’t want a relationship with you it is ridiculous to treat the situation contrary to that.
Why should anybody wait around for someone that is upfront telling them they don’t want a meaningful relationship? You lived your life, had good times with Red, and when you connected with someone else for a meaningful relationship the Red part died off naturally.
Did nothing wrong and sounded like you did all the right things really.
You did nothing wrong. If someone tells you they aren’t interested in a relationship with you, believe them. If you’re just friends then sharing your thoughts and feelings about a new prospect is normal (and it’s what Red had done too).
I’m not sure what your friend is on about but ignore them. They either don’t have all of the information or they liked Red more than they like your current bf and we’re weirdly invested in you two ending up together.