If your husband told you (totally unprovoked) that “you’re like a 5. 6 on a good day. Why are you mad thats average. Most people are average looking”.

Would that hurt your feelings?

40 comments

  1. What is the context to the convo? Was it out of the blue/random?
    I can see how that’d be hurtful, especially after having a baby. I’m sorry

  3. So with that logic he’s also average looking and you are well matched with each other, right?

    I’d be hurt that he “rates” my appearance in that way at all. I’ve been with my husband for 15 years, and we’ve both gained/lost weight, been the fittest we’ve ever been and been the sickest we’ve ever been.

    We’ve dealt with major terminal illness and end of life planning. I’ve literally begged him to let me pass and to move on with someone else, while he’s still young! But still he says he loves me everyday and that I’m beautiful (even during times I *know* I’m not)! I would have a hard time believing he still likes the way I look, and sometimes still do. But I’ve had to realize that he truly loves me, and sees me both physically and for who I am.

    I know that this is not what you asked at all! But yah I’d feel hurt if he said that to me.

  5. “Well I’m not surprised that you can only pull someone you think is a five with your shit attitude”.

    Your husband is an idiot.

  6. If you’re really in love with someone they would be a 10 in your eyes. I would never forgive my husband for saying something like that.

  7. so firstly, you don’t need permission to have hurt feelings. he can view “average attractiveness” as acceptable and inoffensive, but his supreme logic and reasoning capabilities (/s) should also allow him to understand that people oftentimes want their partners to find them exceptionally attractive. he should also know that unprovoked comments about appearance that aren’t explicitly positive, rather than negative or neutral, are usually poorly received.

    if he’s pretending to not understand why you’re upset, i’d suggest using the above as a template to explain your position.

    as for your feelings – of course they’re understandable. i want my partner to think i’m a ten. am i? no, lol. but i want them to see me that way. i see my partners as insanely attractive when i’m with them because that’s what love does.

  8. Yeesh, nobody wants to hear that their spouse thinks they’re average looking! Like, even if a bunch of strangers might rate you as a 6, you want your spouse to see you as special. Sorry that happened, it’s hurtful. Does he struggle with communication and social skills in general?

  9. My husband would NEVER say this to me. He tells me I’m beautiful every single day. I’m sorry this happened to you and it’s not okay. Have you talked to him again and told him this is unacceptable? Especially after having a baby like WTH?!

  10. Mean as fuck. Part of being an adult in a relationship is realizing conventional beauty standards are shit.

    My wife is 5’9 170. She has a little belly but she’s she works out everyday and is so strong. I love her curvy and also muscular body. It’s fucking hot.

    More over, shes confident, intelligent, and we share the same family values. I can’t get enough. I’m fairly average looking and she doesn’t care either. Makes me feel comfortable.

    A partner caught up on superficial beauty standards sounds like a drag. The pressure and the bullshit of dealing with that… hard pass. Life is too hard to be sweating being rated on a 10 scale.

  12. How did this come up in conversation? Just trying to wrap my mind around why he said that. My husband has told me things I didn’t want to hear, but I did ask him first.

    “Am I the most beautiful woman in the world to you?” “No.” And “Am I the best at BJs you’ve had?” Also no.

    I was hurt. If he said any of this without my asking, I’d have been even more hurt.

  14. I had a friend who only found her husband a 5 or 6 on a good day, and unfortunately, she did leave him to try and find someone specifically better looking. After that, I lost a lot of respect for her.

  15. I’d be like and you’re a 2 and single. My husband puts me on a pedestal but I think that’s a must for a happy, long term marriage.

  16. My husband (9 years together, 4 married, both now in our 50s) told me he “feels cheated” that I’m not 118 pounds like I was in the pic he saw of me in my mid 20s, and that other guys I dated got the “hot” version of me, so 🤷‍♀️

  17. Yes absolutely that would be an upsetting thing to say. Your spouse is not only supposed to love you but also find you attractive

  18. “And your 3 inches only satisfies me okay on a good day. But that’s life right?”

    My GOD what is wrong with him???? And you just had a BABY?! He needs to do some serious groveling.

  20. “Woo her, admire her, make her feel like she’s the most sublime creature on Earth.” – Gomez Addams

    The husband sucks ass

  21. Was he saying it out of angry fits or silly and playful banter? My wife and I make fun of each other all the time. I would be more worried that we pissed each other off to the point of being hurtful just to be hurtful.

  25. Turn around and say “Thank goodness we are on the same page there. Because the average size of your penis has been bugging me for ages.”

    There is absolutely nothing average about anyone. We all shine in different ways 💜

  30. My ex (a narcissist) used to say things like this to me “you are a 5 and I am a 9” and things like that because he wanted my self confidence down so he could keep me feeling like nobody would like/love me but him.
    I left him, he enjoyed seeing me suffer emotionally, apart from the physical abuse.

    Yes, it did hurt my feelings. And if he tells you it should not hurt, he is gaslighting you.

  31. That’s extremely hurtful and being upset is a completely valid reaction. Being in love with someone drastically amplifies your attraction to them. Regardless, it’s inappropriate to say something so rude to your partner, or anyone for that matter

  32. I was devastated when my husband told me that I’m “not as attractive as Victoria’s Secret models” (in a similarly unprovoked conversation). When I told him I always thought I’d marry someone who thought I was the most beautiful girl in the world, he said that if anyone ever told me I’m the most beautiful person in the world, they’d be lying.

    Obviously I don’t think I’m objectively the prettiest person in the world, but damn.. I hoped I’d end up with someone who saw me that way. 🙁 And I’m “conventionally attractive” and put a lot of effort into maintaining my figure and looking pretty, so it’s a bummer to know that this is how he sees me when I’m at my best. I’m sorry you’re dealing with these feelings too, because it really sucks.

  33. 100% it would hurt my feelings and I would never be able to forget it. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

  34. I’d rather have the honesty. I have a mirror, I know I’m not a 10. Granted he could’ve said things more gently.

  36. Yes.

    The only reason for sharing something like that unprovoked would be to tear the wife’s self-esteem down.

  37. I’m of the opinion that scales of attractiveness are totally subjective even though people talk about them as if they’re objective. So if your partner says you’re a 5 or 6 he is not speaking objectively imo. He’s quite literally just telling you he thinks you are mediocre.

    I can only see my partner as a 10. He’s an 11teen/10 inside and out and I wouldn’t want to be with someone I didn’t feel that way about because the adoration I have for him carries me through the tough times. I highly value him through every bad moment and I never forget it.

    If your partner thinks that way about you it’s probably good to know that. It would be worse if he thought that about you and lied. At least now you can decide what to do with that information.

    Btw I’m really sorry you’re going through that. 🙁

  40. Me personally, no. Because I know I’m a potato compared to how I looked two kids ago. But my husband would never just inform me suddenly I’m a 5/6.

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