I met this guy on Hinge, who I then learned is only here on a 6 month visa. When I learned this on the first date, in addition to him pushing for sex, I cut things off. He reached out about a month later saying he’d really like to reconnect & get to know me. I was in a bad place personally, and I figured spending some time with him wasn’t such a bad thing.
Our chemistry is amazing. We connect so naturally, it’s like we’ve known each other for years. We’ve continued to see each other. The main problem is that he works from 12-3pm and 6-12am every day. I work 9-5. So it’s unfortunately turned into us seeing each other at my place 3-6 about 1-2x a week. When he comes, he’s very loving/chatty but does leave very shortly after sex (which frankly he has to for work).
I don’t know how else to approach it because neither of us can change our schedules. He’s only here 6 months, so I imagine cutting off his work hours a bunch for me isn’t really a priority. I’m also only able to see him 3-6 at my place because it allows me to work the most without having to leave my house. But it’s feeling like a hookup.
He texts me all day, every day. When he’s here, he is incredibly affectionate, shares stories about himself, asks me about myself, etc. The conversation is so fun, easy, and natural. He is constantly kissing me on my forehead, kissing my hands, hugging me, cuddling me, etc. But I can’t help but wonder if it’s all about sex for him.
I talked to him about it and he said he doesn’t like the situation either, but doesn’t know what else he can do. He said he can’t promise anything for the future since he’s leaving. He may come back in 6 months but he’s not sure. He offered to come spend the night at my place on Sundays, which is the only day he stops working a bit earlier around 10/11pm.
I don’t know what to do. I really like him, but I’m not sure if he is on the same page – as in wanting more but this is just the situation, or if I’m just convenient sex. Do guys act this affectionate/doting even if they’re just using you as a hookup? Should I cut this off?
Tl;dr is he just using me despite his loving behaviors?
4 comments
IMO, he is just enjoying himself during his 6 month stay. You need to talk to him about this ASAP
With men, there’s no deciphering anything. They do or they don’t and they show it in their actions. Has he demonstrated to you consistent care regardless of if he can get anything from you?
Sometimes compatibility is more than personality, it is literally about logistics, he doesn’t live permanently in the country and doesn’t have time for you.
I will say I know quite a bit about manipulative strategy and I know the cuddly love bombing guys are usually the monsters, the ones that seem to fall in love a bit too fast.
In addition to this by spending so little time with him, you fall in love with the idea of him, not actually him. It’s a classic strategy to seem so unavailable, you think the harder you work to get him the better quality the guy is and he’s given you just enough to keep you chasing him.
My advise is have fun, move at your own pace, enjoy it while it lasts but just mentally prepare yourself if it goes south.
Good luck ❤
I don’t see anything here about dates or efforts to spend time with you outside your home. He’s here temporarily, and he only comes to your place for sex. Where is the confusion? You’re reading way too much into these “loving behaviors” which amount to affection before/after sex.