…and I don’t know how to work through it with her properly. Just trying to talk to her gets nowhere (she denies it) and tries to convince me it’s MY actions that are causing it. In the end I’m not even sure anymore.
I’ve been with her for 3 years. We have plans to move in together this summer, but so far we see each other a couple of times through the week and I generally go to her place on the weekends. One thing I’m starting to really notice is a pattern. She seems to “create drama” (if that makes sense) over nothing. Minor misunderstandings. Minor inconveniences. I’ve been in relationships before and I’ve never experienced this until I was with her.
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It’s really been a lot more noticeable over this past year because I have had a lot of stress in my life (my brother and my dad died this past summer). I suppose I’ve noticed it more because any additional stress (especially over minor things) raises my already high stress levels.
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Just to give some context, it’s stuff like this: my girlfriend and I were staying at her parent’s house for 3 days (they live 2 hours away from where we live). My other brother lives out there too, and I always had plans to visit him at his house and attend a family get-together (of sorts) on the second day. It’s our first holiday without our dad and other brother so we wanted to spend an evening together. She couldn’t come as she had her own family gathering planned. No issues, no stress (I thought).
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The first day was great — I spent all day with her family and even helped out around the house. The second day I left around dinner to go to my brother’s. I didn’t know exactly how late I’d be but didn’t expect to be late. I texted my girlfriend at 9pm and told her I’d be home by 11pm.
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She responded and said *”can’t you just sleep there? I am going to sleep and I don’t want my dad waiting up for you”*. I said I’d rather come back, but she didn’t answer, so I asked my brother if I could stay over and he got me set up. For context, my girlfriend is a total night owl and never goes to bed before midnight, so I never thought it would be any issue for me to come home at 11. And I know her enough by now to know this response was passive aggressive (but I don’t know why she’d be annoyed in the first place).
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Around 11:30pm she texted me saying she hasn’t yet fallen asleep so I could come home if I want. Well by then I was already in bed. I told her I’d be back in the morning. She was cold and just said: “*Fine.*”
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The next morning was a hard one for my brother. He was experiencing a lot of sadness (I guess due to the holiday season) and I sat with him for about an hour talking and having coffee. I texted my girlfriend around 10:00 am saying I was on my way back.
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When I got there she was annoyed with me because her mom had gone to the trouble of making us breakfast and I didn’t show up on time. I didn’t even know we were supposed to be having breakfast. (And again, for some more context, there were several other people staying there too, so it wouldn’t really matter much if I was there for breakfast or not.)
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I just included this for context. It’s not this specific incident, but a pattern of this type of thing happening constantly. Sometimes I feel like I’m walking on eggshells because things that I don’t think will be an issue at all end up annoying her. I don’t mean to paint her as awful…she isn’t. And I truly do love her. I’m just looking for some help or insight. Does this sound like we have poor communication? If so, what steps can I take so we can improve communication? I feel so confused at times that I don’t even know what the root issue is. I end up replaying it in my head (I admit…the stress of everything seems to cause me to ruminate more lately) trying to figure out what exactly the issue is, and I can never figure it out. So maybe someone outside of this can give me a suggestion. She wants me to always give her an EXACT time (and if I’m even a little late she gets upset) but for her, time doesn’t mean much. If she tells me she will be ready around noon, it’s more likely she’ll be ready around 1:30pm (for example). I don’t get mad because that really doesn’t bother me. I just can’t understand any of this.
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tldr: gf is always getting annoyed with me and creating drama out of nothing lately and I don’t know what steps to take to fix this.
5 comments
Well, I find drama a problem. I was sleeping with a girl a few years ago. One Saturday night, she caused a shit tonne of unnecessary anarchy that meant I had to go and collect her from a pub. She then tried to manufacture a full load of drama at mine by getting some dealers to drop off drugs at my house.
I decided not to pursue the relationship after that night. It’s your choice mate.
My guess is that she has an underlying resentment and/or dissatisfaction towards you that’s been brewing, and she chooses to nitpick everything you do as a channel for her aggression. Any perceived transgression on your part turns into an opportunity for her to feel righteously angry.
This sounds like attempts to control you and control the situation and then punish you. The fact that she would choose to do this when you are having an emotional reunion with your remaining brother is really selfish and cruel. Was she previously married or never married?
To be blunt, you and your GF have some major communication problems. It’s not uncommon for people to create drama in their relationships, but it’s important to nip it in the bud before things get out of hand. Have you tried talking to her about how her behavior is making you feel? It’s important to try to understand where she’s coming from and to really listen to each other. If you can have a chill and honest conversation, it might help you both understand each other better and work through these issues. Just try to stay cool and don’t get defensive. Good luck, dude.
Honestly i think its poor communication, at least for the breakfast. She couldve told you breakfast was waiting, but even if others were there, it might’ve been good to text her earlier with when you might be back.
The first one I don’t get. But i agree with floridorito