So I have been in a long distance relationship for a few years and I feel like I am now ready to close the gap and live with my girlfriend full time. I bought a house last year and feel financially stable enough to take this next step in my life.
My family is going through some issues, my mom doesn’t want to be with her husband anymore and her finances on her own aren’t so great. My older brother also lives with them and I feel like I should help them given that I am in a position to let them come and live with me. I don’t really want to give up my privacy to live with my family again but it feels like the morally correct thing to do.
My girlfriend also doesn’t want to live with me AND my family full time either. Should I take the leap and be with the woman I love or should I try to support my family?
3 comments
Unless your brother has special needs that require him to live at home I wouldn’t recommend moving him in.
If you do decide to move your mother in set boundaries and specify a timeframe 6-9 months is a respectable timeframe to adjust finances/ locate resources.
If you move your girlfriend in make sure you set expectations early and she is contributing to living expenses (that is beneficial for both of you . She won’t feel like she’s mooching and you won’t end up drowning in work covering the cost of both parties in the house.) you don’t want to put yourself in lala land when moving another individual into your home .
You are 26, you should be living your own life. Not being anchored by family. Your mom is an adult, she can get a job, or a second job, and sort out her living situation independently. So can your brother. They’re both responsible for meeting their own basic needs.
I understand feeling obligated to family, especially when you’re doing okay. But you worked hard to be doing okay, and you deserve to live your life the way you wish. Your girlfriend is absolutely reasonable not to want to move in with her boyfriend and his mom, so the choice seems fair, and if I were you, I would choose your future, not your past.
Do not move your family in. They will never leave, and (depending on where you live in the world) there are very few women willing to date and/or marry a man who lives with his mother. Live your life because this is quite literally a life altering decision you are about to make. If it doesn’t work out with GF, you will go your separate ways. If it doesn’t work out with mom, will you be able to ask her to leave?…