I used to date this guy but ended things because it was long distance, and I wasn’t happy in that situation. We stay in touch and have kept things friendly, but he continues to try to pursue me. (Even though he’s told me that he’s been dating around too.) For Christmas this year, unbeknownst to me, he sent me some flowers, chocolates, an expensive kitchen gadget (Amazon) and a cute inexpensive nostalgic gift (joke between us). I’m estimating it’s around $200 of gifts.
I think the flowers and chocolates and cute little gift is an adorable and sweet gesture, but feel uncomfortable with accepting the expensive kitchen gift as well. (He never gifted me such expensive items when we were dating.) There’s also no message on it except to “enjoy your gift”. (No real message on the flowers either.)
How do I handle this situation?
3 comments
Tell them you’re not pursuing trying a relationship with them again, and that you FEEL like the gift is too much and a shot at that relationship you don’t want. Really emphasize how much you DON’T want the relationship. Even if he tries to deny it, you made your point across by saying YOU felt like it is. Own and be responsible of your emotions.
Send the kitchen gadget and the flowers back to him. The chocolate can stay. The nostalgia gift is up to you, but maybe you should also send it back. Whatever you decide to keep, say it’s for “courtesy’s sake” if you appreciate having him in your life. If having him around in the long term is more of a hassle, send back the chocolates as well. Cut relations with him.
Yeah that sounds like a very conditional, bribe-like gift. To cut off a connection someone the best way is to refuse the gift and wash your hands off it. You can accept the gift if you want, but then that will just be his excuse to get your attention and talk with you because of that bribe. Unsolicited gift giving is not a good thing. If you guys are friends or close then it makes sense, but this situation doesn’t sound like no strings attached.
You can always send the kitchen gift back and give him the money, how come this didn’t occur to you? Someone told you to send the gift back and you keep asking what to do with the refund gift card… Were you expecting people to tell you to keep it and feel ok about it? Imho maybe you can also ask him if he’s getting what he wants from your connection, seeing as you’re getting what you want which is having a decent guy in your life.. who keeps pursuing you..
Another option is to keep the gifts as a goodbye and cut him loose.