So a little about me I’m 25F and a little ashamed to say I’m still a virgin. I’ve never been in a relationship, never gone on a date, never even had a real first kiss. For all my life I’ve always been the ugly fat friend. The person who gets asked out as a joke and guys act offended if you dare to suggest there being any attraction between us. I won’t lie it’s definitely taken a toll on my self esteem and Ik male validation isn’t the most important thing but it’d be nice to know someone doesn’t think I’m absolutely disgusting.
Anyway I have roommates. They’re all other women and all beautiful but the one who has the bedroom next to mine is drop dead gorgeous. The total opposite of me. Every weekend she goes to the club and almost never leaves alone. When she first moved in she’d bring guys back to our place but not anymore she just goes to theirs. And I’ll admit I’m a little jealous. But for the few times she brought guys back I felt horrible. I’d get nauseous and my anxiety would go crazy because of course in these cheap places apartments the walls are super thin and I could hear literally everything. I was shaking as if I was having a panic attack.
When it was happening I never told my roommate about my discomfort but I did talk to a friend about it. She thought it was weird I had such a negative reaction. She said something like that would actually be a turn on for her (though she also doesn’t seem to have the best relationship with sex so idk) but for me it was ick. I have no problems discussing sex, seeing sex on TV/movies, watching porn, masterbating (although this has been getting more difficult lately) but whenever I’m made aware of other people’s sexual activity going on around me I get uncomfortable. I also can get uncomfortable seeing innocent PDAs like if a couple hugs/kisses in front of me. I don’t get as uncomfortable but still just doesn’t feel nice; like I’m an annoying 3rd wheel or it just makes me think about how I’m alone.
I also have another friend who thinks my negative reaction to hearing/seeing sex or affection irl is weird. To put it in her words I need some dick in my life lol.
Idk do you guys have any insight for me that could maybe help me understand why I react this way?
Btw I’m using my old alt account that I like to use for all my embarrassing questions lol
ETA: I probably should’ve put more emphasis on this but it didn’t really click until someone pointed it out to me. The feelings of disgust usually only show up when it’s about people I know. Total strangers don’t bother me at all
5 comments
Kind of sounds like you may be asexual or orient towards asexuality.
Have you considered….. r/asexual
Not shameful and there’s nothing wrong with you. Asexuality comes in all shapes and forms
Comments are saying to look into asexuality which is a good starting place, but I would look specifically at the experiences of those who are “sex-repulsed” asexuals. It sounds most similar to your situation rather than just not experiencing sexual attraction. But, sexuality is fluid and this can change down the line, which might be why masturbating has been harder for you.
It could also be related to self-esteem or depression, especially if you’re focused on your self image or feeling alone. It can be hard to separate sex and other people’s relationships from our own perceptions of our lives. Have you the means to see a therapist? Would your friend be someone you can sit down and really talk to instead of just skimming the surface? It can be hard but maybe try to take a step back from look at other people’s relationships and spend some time doing some self care and love. If you spend some more time getting to know yourself and your body, it might help.
Have you considered counselling or seeing a sex therapist?
It sounds like you were abused at a young age. Not your fault. That said, it will take some purposeful steps in your life to be able to be the person you now want to be.
You are good now but you can get better.