I’ve been grappling with the common saying that the most important thing is to “listen”. The problem is that I rarely see examples of how to put this into practice. If I try to listen, then I won’t be responding. If I respond, I won’t be listening. It wouldn’t be a natural flow of conversation.
However, I’ve finally found an explanation for myself that is practical and relatively succinct. The key is to pay attention to “subtext”.
By subtext, I mean everything that is going on behind someone’s words. To listen to subtext means “reading between the lines”. That could mean images, emotions, motivations, values, etc. Basically, the meaning behind the words past their face value.
By doing this, you don’t have to worry too much about “what am I going to say in response to this person?” The subtext behind someone’s words provides all the material you need to work with.
This way, you are accomplishing 2 things at once. You are listening, *and * your brain is automatically generating potential response topics by imagining the subtext behind the words.
When I do this correctly, the experience is very visual. It’s like I’m creating a movie by listening to the subtext. The movie that plays in my head provides me with ideas for the possible topics and ideas to share in the conversation.
Another thing is that trying to understand subtext means you might be asking a few questions. Why? Because you are trying to fill gaps in your imagination to clarify the subtext.
I feel like approaching conversation this way makes the experience very emotional and vivid! I feel like this also has a lot to do with emotional intelligence, because subtext involves the feelings behind the words as well.
I just wanted to share because I’ve had a hard time with this and finally found an explanation for myself that works. Hope it might help you as well!