I’ve been told by multiple people that I am too negative and even…mean.
I find topics that are “negative” really stimulating and interesting to chat about and sometimes I need to vent, because talking things out with people I care about is integral to problem solving in all aspects of my life.
I don’t bring up negative things to bum people out, usually it’s in (what I would consider) an educational way, like explaining how something actually works (ex: “did you know that most things that are ‘recycled’ actually just go into landfills?”). I like to know the truth about things, but i know many other people would like to live in ignorance, blindly believing green-washing, humane-washing, marketing lies, etc.? I like to discuss global politics, science, human rights, animal liberation, capitalism, education, and environmentalism. The “meanness” probably comes from the way I will call others out or speak up if I think that they’ve done something harmful, even if they might not want to hear it or it’s not “nice”. I’ve gotten better, but I can be kind of blunt, too.
Im also deeply empathetic, caring, and nurturing to the people I love. When I’ve asked people who know me well about this, they have told me that its true I may not always be very “nice” but I am very “kind” and that’s how they perceive me.
Generally I’m actually okay with that, because I’d rather be honest and loving in a truthful way than the people-pleaser “yes-man” that I was in my teens and early 20’s. Activism has helped me accept that lots of people will always dislike (and even hate) me if I’m challenging their long-held beliefs.
The problem is…my strong convictions and “negativity” have caused more than a few people to avoid talking to me and hanging out over the years, and I’d really like to strike a balance between being true to myself and others, and not inadvertently bringing people down. I’m worried potential new friends and new love interests will think I’m depressing and a bummer.
I don’t think I always come off this way, but I am definitely an optimist. I believe humans are good at heart and that most of us start out with good intentions and a desire to make the world better, not worse. I wouldn’t be an activist if I believed people are bad and can’t change.
I think seeing the things I’ve seen through activism (and just life in general honestly) have made me kind of cynical and jaded on the surface, so maybe this is more of a question of how to have more positive energy and positive conversations (that are still interesting to me) with people, bringing my deep down eternal optimist energy to the surface in my social interactions?
(I’m F26 if that matters)
2 comments
Yep. I was this way too. I used to love arguments because they’re stimulating. But I do have a tendency towards pessimism. Shooting down things that others say will not promote conversation. It will only promote that whatever you say is the only thing you accept.
I’m my experience most activists I know have been very negative people. I think the behaviors that go into activism leas to additional negativity as a lot of those campaigns use extremely negative, shock-value campaigns to spread their propaganda to the ‘ignorant masses”
Outside of that I will agree that debate and arguments can be engaging. That said, conversations can also be engaging without falling I to actual arguments.
One additional note, people hear so much negative info from mainstream news and media that they’d prefer more positive engagement in their life. Most people were ok with some negative conversations, venting, or debates; however, they would prefer keep those infrequent.
Remember, people want to surround themselves with people that are good for them and make them feel good.