A while ago I went on a date with someone I met online. We had enjoyed ourselves very much. I myself doubted there was more to it than a friendship, but wanted to give it the benefit of the doubt.
After texting some more, it quickly became clear that we were going to do something again, it was more a question of when. She would go back to her family the next week and stay there for Christmas and New Year.
In retrospect maybe a little crazy of me, but in my mind there can’t be 5 weeks between a first and second date. I indicated that I would like to see her one more time before she went back to her family. She indicated that she was busy the next week, but there might be some things dropped that could make something possible. She indicated she would get back to me on that later because she was working.
Later that day I received a message in which she indicated that she had suddenly changed her mind. She herself also had her doubts whether there was more to it than a friendship. Normally I can sense very well when someone is losing interest and can recognize the the signs of this very well. But in her case, it came completely out of nowhere for me. Since I also had my doubts, I thought it would be smarter to leave it at that. At that point we wished each other well and actually broke off contact.
I thought about it quite a bit afterwards. Gradually it became more and more clear to me that I liked her after all, I just needed a while to sort everything out. On top of that, I thought hard about whether I really felt something for her, or whether I just regretted the opportunity that had led to nothing.
After a while I decided to send her a message, stating that I had realized I had feelings for her and that I would like to see her again. I deliberately tried to keep the message as low-key as possible because in the message I would basically be dropping everything on her shoulders. She would decide whether we went through with it anyway or not. At the point of sending the message, we haven’t spoken to each other for about a week. I knew full well that there was a chance she would not respond, I just wanted to let her know that I was in a different frame of mind than I was last week.
After 1.5 days the message was still on sent, so I assumed that unfortunately she did not feel the same way. To move on, I wanted to delete the message from my list so I wouldn’t have to check every time if it had already been read and I could get on with my life. To my surprise, the message had been read so the whole roller coaster started all over again. However, after 2 days I haven’t heard anything and even though I wanted to move on with my life first I don’t know so well now.
I’ve talked about it with my friends, a group of them say it’s normal for her not to respond right away. “Maybe she needs to think about her own feelings and that’s why she hasn’t responded yet. ” I think there is some truth in that. She also didn’t at all come across as the type who would leave someone on read.
I just don’t know what to do right now. Ideally, I’d like to send her a message indicating that I’m bummed I didn’t get a response and gather from that that she doesn’t want to give it another chance, and then wish her well. If I don’t get a response it is at least clear to me (I know this is kinda selfish). On the other hand, the over-thinker in me thinks, what if she really has to think about it, then you might ruin your chance with such a message.
I would love to hear what you guys think. Is it worth it to send a message so that I can create more clarity for myself and move on more easily.
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Thank you very much for taking the time to read all of this, it’s alot 🙂
5 comments
No response is a response, it was just one date and irrespective how you felt, it was just one date and if she doesn’t want to reply, she doesn’t. Nothing more to say This point, telling her you had feelings after one date might have been enough for her to take in, especially if she had no such feelings, texting her again after her non responses serves no purpose. She may well respond in a few days, she very possibly will not…either way you’ve said your bit
I think it’s sad if you’ve sent her a message explaining how you feel and she can’t straight up answer you and tell you, yes she’d like to see you again or no she’s not feeling it on her side, it’s a shame she’s left you hanging.
I don’t have any recent (as in online) dating experience, but I would think that seeing that you followed up with her that she would at least get back to you.
I have read sadly that ghosting and the fade is popular these days. I’d suggest leaving it for a week to see if she’s second guessing herself.
In the meantime I’d get back to the dating scene and see who else is out there, you might find someone that you like even more, good luck.
She’s communicating her lack of interest, albeit nonverbally. It sucks to put yourself out like that and get nothing back, such is dating. Don’t message her again.
I didn’t even bother to read your post the answer is always “no”. Nothing is gonna make you feel better about the situation, there isn’t some magical series of words that’s gonna change how rejection feels, it sucks, it’s always gonna suck no matter the reason, just drop it and move along.
>However, after 2 days
2 days for you feels like an eternity. For her, it was probably just 2 days.
Delete the chat if you’re going to mull over it so much. Don’t you have your own plans for xmas? People to see, things to do? Get at it. If she doesn’t reply back, it shouldn’t be a big deal.