I could use some help. I’m pretty good at talking to strangers and I’m pretty social (throw parties, go to lots of events, and go on dating app dates pretty often). But when it comes to making romantic advances on the women in my social circle, I get really scared. I’m afraid of offending people or being seen as a creep. It’s really holding me back from trying anything with the girls in my group. Does anyone have any advice for me? How can I take more chances and not be so afraid?
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I have pretty much the same issue, it’s practice but also scary. When you hang out in groups and see each other frequently, you’ll get a feel for it but have the confidence in knowing what you’re reading from the other person. Sure, randomly locking eye contact multiple times in an evening might be coincidence, but it probably isn’t completely meaningless. It’s a fine line to walk interpreting these things, but thats why many people struggle with it. Touching shoulders often, usually somehow always end up sitting next to each other? Exaggerated laughing at jokes that just weren’t that funny? All things friends do, all things that can signal attraction. Getting a feel for it is practice and escalating things is risk taking that can be pretty anxiety inducing. Best case scenario they start reciprocating the social dance or nothing might come of some poking around, except some slight feelings of embarrassment. Just don’t put yourself down when reading signals, have the confidence to put yourself in a vulnerable place and know that you’re all good if you misread some things or seem awkward. Cringy-ass moments are bound to happen and that’s alright.
OMG this is me, but more for girls I meet at a bar. I actually have told some of my friends that my biggest fear is being a creep so I sometimes avoid being assertive unless it’s 100% certain the girl is interested. Im working on this with my current therapist and she tries to push me to be more assertive and straight up with girls at bars.
Practice does help. I started doing this last month and have made out with 2 girls at bars. I havent been able to get past that but it’s made me more comfortable at it. The one advice I;ve gotten from therapist and female friends that I always try to use is to just ask. For exampe, There was one girl i liked and we were talking for a bit and after I realized there was some interest I told her that i liked her hair and I asked her if I could touch it. She loved the fact that I asked and let me touch her hair.
You can also slowly approach the situation. Light touch to a shoulder, hands or arm, and if you feel no pushback then keep the physical touches going.