I have tried to change my view on myself, and it has gotten much better since I was younger. But I think it came to a point where I didn’t want to admit to myself that I hate myself, because people were talking about how low self esteem and insecurities is a turn off. So I kind of started to ignore the signs I still had a lot of work to do.
I think one of my problems is I don’t really know what my specific insecurities are. Would an idea be to try and state what they are and then try to change my way of thinking?
If you have any ideas on what I can do to start liking myself and to start thinking I really do deserve to be loved and accepted for who I am, please tell me. Because while it’s easy for me to say that yes I do deserve love and it’s possible for me to loved, I don’t think I have ever believed it.
Any advice is appreciated, thank you.
4 comments
One thing that i’ve heard multiple times is “look in the mirror everyday and say how beautiful/great/amazing you are” that is hard, and for me it works only if i am in good mood already, if i do that feeling like shit it somehow makes me feel even worse 😀 but i think it would be good idea to learn the things that you are insecure about and then start maybe step by step changing the way you look them. Dont be too hard on yourself it takes time, i am trying to learn to love myself too, so this is a nice reminder for me aswell! You deserve all the good things in life. peace and love
A good place to start would be journaling?
Maybe writing down the moments your feel nervous, avoidance, negative, etc…
It’s great that you turned away from self-hatred but now it’s time to build up some self-love. Ironically, you’ll find more love for yourself but doing more for others. By taking positive actions in the world and benefitting others, you will KNOW you have value and be open to receiving gratitude from others.
Baby steps. You don’t have to fix everything overnight but I’ve found that caring more about others reduces my self-concern and let’s me just be happier.
Ask yourself something honestly. Why do you need constant validation from people ? You are essentially the emperor without clothes. You expect people to keep respecting you when there is actually nothing to respect about you. You don’t even respect yourself. You know this, and others know it as well. But All you do is worry about other people instead of worrying about important things in your life. You know what it takes to get better in your life, but instead of putting in the time and effort to do so, you need other people to essentially keep lying to you. In short, you need people to keep telling you comforting lies rather than dealing with the uncomfortable realities. This is your mindset when you seek validation.
If you have low self esteem, you probably think that you aren’t that attractive, smart, fit, funny or popular. And some of these thoughts might be true because you might just be. But that’s fine. What I would suggest for you is to put in the time and effort to work on yourself to become someone you can be proud of. Confidence and self-esteem doesn’t just appear or come out of thin air. For some people it does, but for most it does not. It has to be built up. I don’t want to be mean but this is how I did it.
I was once very skinny, tall and lanky, and had terrible acne. No girls would approach me or give me the time of day. So I worked on myself by learning proper skincare and going to the gym 3-4 times a week. I’d like to say I am now a solid 7 and my self esteem is at an all time high. I still don’t have a girlfriend and I don’t have any friends because of my crippling social anxiety, BUT I am still pretty happy about myself.
Hope this helps 🙂